Hyung stopped coming into my room at night. He stopped hugging me at night. He stopped clinging into me at every opportunity he could.

But he kept his promise. He kept Seungri.

Whenever we were promoting, he would still stay close to me. He would be his playful self. But one thing was different. His smiles didn’t reach his eyes.

The glow of adoration in his eyes whenever he looked at me disappeared.

All this kept hyung up at night, drowning in his own sorrows by writing lyrics and making music. It was the best way for him to let out his emotions. It was the only way for him to let out his emotions.

All this kept me up at night, listening outside his recording room in our dorm, as he voiced feelings of sorrow, regret, and apologies.

Funnily enough, the experience led him to write his best song yet.

His music for me. His words for me.

Lies…

I’m so sorry but I love you.

I gave you scars.

I should have never let you go to waste.

Originally, the song was supposed to be released as a G-Dragon solo, but as our debut failed to make a distinct mark to the public, Hyun Suk found it was better that it would be released as a group EP.

Jiyong caved but he demanded one thing…

On the day of our recording, aside from my lines after his rap and in the bridge, hyung told me to sing over Youngbae and Daesung for the chorus. Hyun Suk was horrified at the prospect that I would be singing so much of the song but Jiyong wouldn’t budge.

As I was recording in the booth for the chorus, Jiyong would stare at me emptily through the clear, glass screen. The recording of the chorus alone took 4 hours because he was a perfectionist. He had a vision as to how this chorus should be sung.

I don’t know what it is… Maybe its me tired from the physical, mental, and emotional turmoil.

When we finished recording the chorus, it was already 3 am and we were the only two left in the studio. As I walked out of the booth, he handed me an ice-cold bottle of water.

I couldn’t look him in the eye. I kept my gaze on the bottle in my hands

“Hyung, why…” My voice only a mere whisper after hours of singing.

“Don’t…” He lifted my chin up with his finger, up to look at him then higher till I was looking up at the ceiling.

“I promised I’d keep Seungri, that’s all.” He dragged his hands down my neck and left a small kiss on my throat- directly on my Adam’s apple. That part of me that was aching because of singing notes too high for my unstable voice.

He turned to leave the room, leaving me all to myself.

I’m jealous that some people have so much power that they can just walk in and out of people.