Jaebum was sitting in the back garden, just contemplating the sea, the coldest breeze every day that was there. It made sense, after all, everything had been blown up in one night.

His mind was back to Jinyoung, the boy who acted like a man, he was perhaps the only thing that kept them all together. The only one who did not keep any secrets, no past to come behind him in the present, let alone an undetermined issue.

Youngjae, the boy with outrageous laughter and chubby cheeks. Just like when you were small, the same cheeks he used to shake just to let other angry when he lost in the hide and seek.

Youngjae, that even at an early age, made him feel like an older brother. Jaebum did feel that he was someone who could bring pride, didn't need to be for parents, but for his younger brother did.

Youngjae, even going away suddenly, came back to his life and mess everything up. He returned when he found that he felt for him was just brotherly, he was not Jinyoung and he'd never be.

He was just Youngjae, the boy who enjoyed video games, had a puppy, had parents who cared for him as if he were the most precious thing in the world. He who had such big dreams for the happiness he always felt.

Youngjae, who allowed himself to be impulsive and do something for Jaebum, made no sense, but maybe he was mistaken, perhaps the best thing he could have done in his life. 

The same Youngjae that took them seriously and made him feel angry always brought that abandonment of memory. 

Solitude.

The loneliness that Jaebum got used until Jinyoung appears so different but so alike.

"JB" The thoughts were interrupted by the voice.

"Hm." 

"Can we talk?" Jaebum looked, swollen eyes, messy hair, wrinkled clothes. 

"I think we really need, Youngjae."

The boy approached the empty chair in front of the oldest, to sit, he not stared at him, just stared at the sea. It seemed to be more interesting.

"I think I owe you an apology." 

No, Bummie, I who have to apologize to you, I destroy everything again. 

"I should not have said any of that for you." Jaebum continued. "I was blinded by anger."

"I just have to apologize to you. Jinyoung and you, I mean, I hope you do not end. Jinyoung said nothing, but he was so sad, so lost. " Youngjae didn't know he still had more tears but felt them going down his cheeks.

"Jae, it's okay, really. We didn't end us, I told him. Everything."

(...)

Jackson looked around with a heavy heart. 

He did not cry, he won't cry, he felt more anger than anything. Anger not for him, but to Mark and Youngjae.

Mark to be this amazing person, the main character in his memories, Jackson did not know if it was just his feelings for Mark Tuan or just he being the amazing boy he met. The shy boy who liked chocolate ice cream better than mint, the boy who would rather go ask for candy instead of going to some stupid party of the popular kids.

He looked at the note in his hand. 

This decision would certainly change the lives, not only his but most of his best friend. 

"I hope you do not hate me."

(...)

Jaebum did not think it'd be crying the way it was then. Youngjae was still in front of him, he talked things amid sobs, he told the things that had happened while living in China. It seemed only a child, the same child who hid in his mother's legs when he appeared at his house for dinner.

"I never wanted to leave you, Bummie, ever. But I could not, I was just a kid, it was so difficult... Why do you think I came back? "

Jaebum stood and stared at the boy sitting. 

"Jae, I'm a selfish . I have always been, and you were just a kid... I know that apologies do not erase what I said, much less will you forgive me. But I should have said that before. " Jaebum took the trembling hands of the younger and made him look at him. "I never forgot you, I never forgot that Nora was with you, let alone the letter, Jae." The boy sobbed.

"I have never forgotten your words, for so long only those words made me continue. But... You know, Jinyoung happened. "

"And I came back." 

"Yes, except that I loved you, actually I love you." Youngjae was staring at him with so many emotions in his eyes, the two freely wept, Jaebum was in a hoarse voice and eyes everywhere not on the boy shrunk in front of you. "But I love you like a brother... My little brother, the brother I failed to protect."

"No, do not talk that way. It's not your fault." Youngjae hastened to speak, shaking hands with the other still holding his own. "We are children trying to understand complicated things, Bummie, I missed you so much."

"Me too." 

Youngjae brought his hands to Jaebum's cheeks slightly feeling the soft skin there, he can also feel the wet track that left tears on his face.

"We are idiots." Jaebum wondered how the boy could say that amid tears and still smile. 

"We are big idiots. I am the greatest. "

"Certainly, the dumbest of all." 

Jaebum smiled. 

"But I need to know... If- If you forgive me." 

Youngjae looked at him, still holding his face. "Can I hug you?"

Jaebum did not answer just stood up and pulled the lowest against him. "I missed you so much, all I told you, do not believe. None of it was true. "

"Bummie." Choi also said to her chest on the other, he had long not hugged each other like that.

"Say, little Jae." 

"Take care of Jinyoung. Please. Do not let your impulsiveness take over your head. He does not deserve to suffer, not when he still tries to leave us all together and-  he is the most hurt among all... "

"Leave it to me. I'll take care."  

I'll take care of him as I should have taken care of you.

(...)

The boys were sitting in the room looking at each other, eating some of the snacks that Jinyoung had done. Jaebum and Youngjae and seemed to be in a lighter mood. Jinyoung looked at his friends. Yugyeom Bambam and tried to smooth things, everything would be resolved. They should have done it before, sitting and talking, then continue with secrets. Jackson was called to eat, but he gave no sign of wanting to leave the room.

"Mark, you got to talk to Jackson today? It's almost five o'clock and nothing from him." Bambam almost let out a remark, but Yugyeom nudged him to be silent.

"No, he's not answering his phone." Mark was besides Youngjae, who supported his head on his shoulder, his eyes closed. "I do not know, Jackson must be in the room."

"I think it's good you go call him, he has to eat..." Jinyoung said from his place on one of the couches next to Jaebum. 

"I think so too," Youngjae said quietly, pressing the American's thigh. "You were the ones who did not speak yet."

With a heavy sigh, he stood looking at the lowest that faced with small eyes. "It's all right. If things get out of control, they can rise. "

Bambam seemed to want to say something again, but again did not leave Yugyeom's arms. Mark went with heavy steps to the ladder and began to climb, his head was racing. He had spoken to earlier Jinyoung, and this conversation was enlightening, perhaps he was just used to the feeling he had for Jackson.

 Knocked on the door, smooth, called by the Chinese, but he had no response. Slowly opened the door, revealing an empty room.

His clothes and Youngjae's were the same places the day before the party. However, the Chinese's were not there, nothing, absolutely nothing. It seemed that Jackson never been there, the only thing that draws the American attention was a piece of paper with two necklaces on.

His heart raced. 

It can not be. 

(...)

"Bam! Why you didn't say Jackson was gone?" Jinyoung said looking scared.

"I tried! But Yugyeom said it was better to Mark go and it himself. "

Jaebum had his arm on the sofa backrest looking Jinyoung get up and walk from one side to the other in the room. Youngjae had nestled in one of the chairs and appeared to doze. He would not lie, all the emotional turmoil that had passed called for a moment of rest that may not come so soon.

"Mark!" Jinyoung said seeing the blond coming down with a frightened expression. "What happened?"

"He's gone." He said quietly. Making all of the boys face him.

"What?" 

"Jackson ... he was gone." The American stared at him. Jinyoung saw the panic go through his eyes. "He's gone, for real. Jinyoung, he was gone." The boy hugged him and felt his arms fall beside the body.

"Jackson left, Jinyoung, he went away and left me." 

Jaebum rose along with the newest to go talk to the American, who seemed to fall apart, all he kept during the day seemed to explode there. 

"I think we having a long night," Bambam said looking friends trying to calm down Mark.

(...)

The boys began to pack up, while Youngjae was with Mark, the two entered the room after the American broke the news to the group. They had decided that would leave as soon as possible, no more energy to stay in the house.

All they needed time to digest the events and conversations. Bambam and Yugyeom were responsible to buy some fast food for the rest. Jinyoung and Jaebum were packing the house, while Mark and Youngjae talking in the room.

Jaebum looked at the boy beside him, Jinyoung was tired, would venture to say that he had aged a few years in a few hours. The emotional turmoil had hit him well, but he had not lost that lovely aura.

Jinyoung was the only one of their group to take the situation of a fully mature way. 

"Jinyoung." The look he got was curious. 

"You are awesome. Never doubt that okay? "

"Why do it now?" Jinyoung said to Jaebum.

"I thought I should speak. Only that."

"I see..." The boy returned the embrace, holding Jaebum's face so that he could face him. "When we return you will spend the rest of the holiday with me?"

"You want me to go?"

"Idiot." Jinyoung said to then kiss him quickly and get back to his task to exchange the newest room sheets. No matter how tired they were, the two still enjoyed a little tidying the room, especially when they found lubricant and a package.

(...)

Mark looked at the night scenery of the coast and let his thoughts go from the beginning of this journey, where everything seemed like a charm so far. 

Jackson had gone in his car, which resulted in all try to settle in Jaebum's car. At such times he was glad the other had a great car. The bags fit smoothly into the trunk and the back seat should be a little tight, but Bambam offered to stay on his boyfriend's lap. Jinyoung tried to protest but soon gave in, wanted to go home and discuss it only got him more tired.

The first stop was made when Youngjae hit him to sit beside him, began to say things about foods they would eat. Ranging from frozen lasagna to banquets with fruits from the seas.

They were stopped at a roadside restaurant that Jaebum found shortly after some minutes. Mark did not know to find a definition for what was this trip, can not help but think of Jackson and how he had left everything so easily.

"Mark?" Youngjae called the restaurant door. "You won't come?"

Mark looked at the necklace in his hand and then the younger waiting, quickly he put the necklace in his pocket. 

"I'm going, I need only make one thing real quick." 

"Do not take long, Bambam is making Jinyoung shy talking about . You have to see it. "Choi said smiling sweet and then coming back on site.

The American sighed ruffling his hair a little more, took the necklace from his pocket. "Maybe I should let you go the same way you did with the boys. The same way you did to me. "He said aloud to himself.

He looked at the open field of highway in his night landscape, with a sinking heart, joined forces and threw the shells necklace there. He was not forgetting Jackson, was just let them go as well as try to let your feelings for him also go.

Jackson Wang was as stubborn as Mark Tuan, the only difference between them is that maybe Mark would risk more. He would not live in a lie, after all, all he had with friends was very real.

He looked inside the restaurant, not worrying if the necklace had really come on the grass on the other side. His friends seemed to be laughing, Youngjae with one of his outrageous laughter, Bambam talking with arms along with Jinyoung, who seemed to try to talk to him. Jaebum was looking at things with his famous smile and rogue Yugyeom, well, Yugyeom tried to calm his boyfriend.

On second thought, I think I have the best friends in the world. 

He smiled weakly to open the location of the door and be greeted by the loud voices of friends, and the brighter smile that Youngjae had given him. 

"What did I miss?" He sat down next to Choi. 

"A sensible person arrived, Mark say to Jinyoung that is more than normal to have five cats at home!"

"Bambam! That's not the problem! Heavens, Jaebum, helps me to put some responsibility on the boy please?! "

Mark looked around the table, the restaurant was empty, his friends were loud, and the American heart warmed. 

Yeah, maybe they stayed right at the end.

(...)

Mark,

I would not have said so many bad things to you, but I was confused about my feelings. Somehow, I felt betrayed by my best friend, but maybe I had a feeling more than even I knew.

Their friendship was the most wonderful thing you could give me, and maybe some butterflies.

I do not remember when I realized I loved you, but whenever we were together, I noticed how much would hurt not having you around.

But it seems that we were not meant to be more than friends, and I always thought it would ruin our friendship.

I have no idea how it will be from now on, but I think I need to try to forget you, I know, will not be easy, we have a story after all. But hold on to the past will not be good.

I do not wish that our paths do not cross anymore, but can be good. In addition to this trip my to China came in good time, I would not know how to face you after all.

I may never come back, so this is my goodbye.
Jackson

Ps I will always love you.