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My eyes were wide open and staring. I’ve had people shove paper bags in my face. I’ve had people call an ambulance before. I’ve even had people open all the windows and push a fan in my face. But I have never had someone kiss me to make me stop panicking. In fact, I’ve never had my first kiss, until now.

When he pulled back, I didn’t stop staring. It was like time just froze for me. “Baby?” Luhan oppa was still trying to figure out if I was okay or not. “Baby, talk to me.”

I took a shuddering breath but ended up choking on it. He quickly rubbed my back and murmured soothing sounds. “Oppa?” I asked in a tiny voice.

“Yes, baby?” I blushed hearing him call me that.

“Why did you… why did you ki….why…” I couldn’t get the word to come out. It was as though if I said it, then everything really is a reality and not a dream.

“Why did I kiss you?” he asked the question for me. I blushed again and shyly nodded. “Well, I didn’t know what to do. I felt so helpless when you looked at me like that. My body kinda froze up, and I did the only thing I could think of.”

Hearing him say that left me a little disappointed. It squished that little seed of hope I had of us actually being together immediately.

“Not that I haven’t wanted to do that for a long time now.”

“What?” Shock was written all over my face. What was that supposed to mean?

“You heard me. You really are having trouble concentrating today, aren’t you?” he laughed. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time now. Just to hold you is enough for me. I’ve had so much fun with you in these last few moments than I’ve had in a long time. You make me…happy. Since we’re telling each other secrets, I’ll let you in on mine… I’ve been in love with you since we were little kids.”

L-little kids? What?

“I guess from the look on your face you don’t believe me.” How could I? I tried to forget all about my childhood as much as I can. “The thing is we went to elementary school together. Kindergarten to third grade. In every grade, you were the only one who talked to me. You were my best friend. I guess you forgot that you weren’t the only one who was bullied, huh?”

I tried my hardest to forget my past. I didn’t remember anyone at all. It was just as though I passed a faceless mass every day at school. I didn’t bother trying to remember the past. It was just too hurtful for me.

“Well, I was, too. I just moved from China and didn’t know any Korean. You were so patient with me. You helped me with my pronunciation and letters. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve given up and moved back to China. I thought you were the sweetest girl ever. When everyone made fun of me for my accent, you just stayed by side. Yeah, you couldn’t say anything to them, but you held my hand and didn’t let go when I needed you the most. I will always be thankful for that. It made me fall in love with you.”

The whole time he was talking, I couldn’t help but gasp. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I never had anyone confess to me before. This was…unexpected.

“And now, I want to help you. I want to make you happy like you made me happy. I want to hold your hand and tell you it’ll be alright.”

I started tearing up again and looked at his chest. It really was too hopeful for me. Against my better judgment, I began believing him.

“So…what now, oppa?”

“Well, now I hold you and just say everything will be alright. And when you fall asleep, I’ll still be holding you until we wake up. Tomorrow, I will ask you to be my girlfriend, and you will say yes.”

I gasped and pulled away from him. “What?”

“Do you want me to ask you now then?”

“What?”

“Did you want me to ask you to be my girlfriend now?”

“No!” There was no way we could ever be together. If the queenkas ever find out, they would KILL me. Not to mention is extremely large fanbase of girls and boys.

“Okay. I’ll just ask tomorrow.”

I shook my head frantically. “No! You can’t ask me at all!”

He frowned at me. “Why not? Clearly, I like you. And I kinda thought you liked me too.” Luhan oppa’s face sort of fell when he said that.

I bit my lip before contradicting his thoughts. “I like you, too. I just…I don’t….you know… I just don’t want to die, okay?” I said quickly.

He raised his eyebrows. “What?”

I sighed heavily. “There are so many girls at school who would kill to be your girlfriend. They wouldn’t hesitate to kill me if they found out we were…you know…dating.” I still couldn’t even believe that was even an option. Us, dating.

Luhan oppa cupped my cheeks and made me look into his eyes. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make you mine. Do you understand? If I have to, I can keep our relationship a secret. But at the end of the day, I want to be able to say that you are mine. Even if we have to hide from the world, I don’t want to hide my love from you.”