Before I knew it, Luhan oppa tickled me, hard. (A/N: haha! Dirty people! I know what you guys were thinking!) I let out a startled laugh and tried to turn away, but it was no use. Luhan oppa was relentless. I laughed so hard, tears came to my eyes.

“P-p-p-please! Hahahahaha! St-st-st-st-stop!” I cried.

He was laughing along with me. “No.”

“Hahahaha! O-p-p-paaaaaaaa! Please!”

He kept going for a few more minutes before finally letting me breathe. We had both lain on our sides facing each other while gasping for breath. I smiled in happiness.

I always suspected that Luhan oppa was perfect, but now I know for sure. He’s definitely the Prince Charming type.

Smiling, Luhan oppa brushed a few tears from my cheek and sighed. “Thank you.”

Astonished, I asked, “What for, oppa?”

“For finally letting me see you. The real you. Not the one who likes to hide from everyone.” Luhan oppa wrapped his arms around me and gazed at me. “Why have you been hiding from me?”

I bit my lip for before answering. “I wasn’t exactly hiding from you. I was hiding from everybody.”

“Why?” I looked away from him instead of replying. “Please tell me. I promise you can trust me.”

It was hard to turn away from him since we were lying on our sides, and his arms were tightening around me. I finally sighed and told him the truth. “I’m just…so afraid. It hurts. It hurts to hear what people say. It hurts to see people’s faces when they look at me. I hate it. It’s like I’m nothing. I have no worth. I have no beauty. I have no brains. I have no talent. I’m not special like Taemin oppa. And I get reminded of that every day I go to school. It’s just so much easier for me to hide when no one was even looking. No one was looking.”

By now tears had fallen, and I couldn’t stop them if my life had depended on it. I had finally told the truth, and it was to the person I least expected. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would finally voice the problems I’ve been having all my life.

“Please.” Luhan oppa’s voice was strained. “Don’t think that way. I can’t let you think like that. I can’t let you think that way about yourself. You have so much to offer, and you don’t even know it. Just a moment ago, I thought the world was perfect because I looked into your eyes. I saw a sparkle I have never seen before. That sparkle made me feel like everything was right where it should be. I have never in my life wanted something so bad before. Now, I know. What I want is to be able to see the shine in your eyes when you look at me. I want to see that shine every minute we’re together. I would do anything to see it again.”

I shook my head all the while he was talking. It wasn’t true. It just wasn’t true. All my life I looked at myself in one way. How am I supposed to believe what he was saying is true. I didn’t want to listen to that small voice in my head telling me to hope for something I told myself would never happen.

“Enough! Look at me.” I gasped when he shouted. I did what he wanted. Luhan oppa glowered at me. “I’m not asking you to hope for the impossible. What I am asking is for you to look at yourself the way I look at you. A beautiful person inside and out. Someone who is kind and gentle. Someone who does not judge. Someone who is perfect in every way possible. That is what I want you to do, to just look at yourself the way I do.” I felt him caress my cheek. “That’s all I ever wanted. The moment I saw you enter the classroom; I knew what you felt like. You are not alone. I promise. I’m here. I will always be here.”

I finally gave into the impulse and squeezed him tightly. I tried to silence my sobs, but it was unstoppable. I wanted to believe him so bad. I just couldn’t let go. Years of believing what other people said were engraved into me. The taunts and the looks of hatred were things I would never forget. Here Luhan oppa was, trying to abolish all those thoughts in just one day. It was just too much to hope for. His words were so lovely that I almost lost myself in them.

But I couldn’t. I knew who I was. I knew who I would always be. A wallflower, a loser, and invisible. Always invisible.

“No, no, no, no, no! Don’t lose yourself now. Look at me. I can feel it. You’re withdrawing. I’m losing you. Please. Don’t. Stay with me. Look me in the eyes. I’m not lying to you. Please. Stay with me. I can’t lose you now. Not now. Talk to me. Please. Just talk to me.” Luhan oppa was staring desperately into my eyes. He was right, I was losing myself.

It was as though it was all a dream. I couldn’t tell the difference between my fantasy of him and me together and the reality of what I have endured all my life.

I struggled to breathe. It was getting harder and harder to think of what was happening. I cried out. It was as though my heart was breaking, and my head was splitting. I remembered now. I’ve had these before. Panic attacks. It was always hard for me to stop myself from having these when I was younger. They finally stopped after I started homeschooling.

Now I was having one in front of Luhan oppa.

His eyes widened, and he panicked. “No. Baby, it’s okay. Look at me. You’re okay. Nothing’s wrong. Please, baby. Please. You can do this. Stay with me.”

Before it could get any worse, Luhan oppa finally got me to stop.

He kissed me.