8. Relieved

Have you ever been in a situation when you had so many burden in your life that you need to carry?

And you don’t have anyone to help you?

If you ever felt that way, then you must be thinking on how can you let go of this burden and start living a better life again.

You might turn your brain upside down to find the way, you will try all the way you can think of and put all your efforts to it. Even though it is hard or how painful it is.

And the best part of it all, is must be when you finally can break all the chains and lift all the burden you’ve been carrying. The freedom you’ll get, and the happiness you’ll obtain will never disappoint you.

That is what is called…

relieved.

A feeling when you can escape all your problem and breath easily again.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

1 January 2019

“Because of what? Why can’t you put away your insecurity, and just believe me that I already completely forget about nayeon unnie?”

“What if it’s because i…

.

.

.

“Because I want you more than just a best friend?”

Never in a million years I ever imagine this word will escape from . She wanted me more than just a best friend?

“Chaeng answer me.” Her voice is getting shakier, her nervousness radiated through her expression. Her eyes peering through my eyes with a lot of fear.

Yeah I can feel her fear just through her stares.

Maybe she is now feeling the fear I was carrying all along. The fear of hiding this special feeling for your best friend.

The fear of losing your best friend because of your selfishness.

“Mina I don’t know...”

“You hate me now?”

“No absolutely no, how can I hate you?” I convinced.

“I’m sorry chaeng, I shouldn’t have this feeling towards you. You are my best friend but now, I just make you disappointed at me right, chaeng?” she said then she moved away from me and sit in the corner of my bed. Hugging herself, face buried on her knees.

“Oh my god what did I just say.” My heart scolding my mind.

I get down from my bed, then I walk closer to her. I kneel down right in front of her.

“If just…”

I paused my words to take a deep breath before conveying my long honest feeling to her, “If just you can stop saying that we are just best friend, maybe I could gather my confidence faster and confess everything to you sooner.”

“Huh?” mina raises her face to find me on my knees with my head hanging low.

“I was afraid…”

I sigh.

I don’t know that pouring out something you hid inside would be this hard. My mouth is becoming stiff all of sudden.

“I was afraid that I was actually hurting you when i realized that I can’t have you just as my best friend. The need of me to be with you, to see your smile, to stare at your perfect face, to share everything with you, to make you mine.”

“Every time I was trying to clear my heart from those feelings, was the time when I experience the most hurting pain in my life.”

“I tried to run away from you, forgetting everything about us, I even think about ruining our friendship just so I don’t have to see you anymore, cause every time I saw you, I do feel happy, but actually I was also in pain mina.”

A tear falls from my eye, it landed on my hand. I never plan to let anyone see me crying even though it is mom.

But this time, I can’t hold it anymore.

I took a deep breath before I continue my words,

“But I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“Chaeng..” she gets down from my bed, and cup my chin just to lift up my face.

I looked at her looking back at me. My tears still flowing slowly through my eyes, I want it to stop crying but my heart rejecting it. Maybe my heart has done with this pain, it needs to let it out.

“I’m sorry I was being stupid all along.” Mina said.

I tilt my head signaling that I’m not clearly understand her.

“I was lying to myself.”

“I was lying to you.”

“I keep telling myself that you are my best friend while actually deep inside…”

“I probably was more terrified on losing you more than you afraid of losing me.”

“You were so kind to me, so caring to me, you were always there for me, and slowly I keep being attached to you.” She stops her words and move herself a little to seat across me.

She reaches my face and cares it gently. She rubbed my tears away softly with her thumbs.

“I was so stupid for denying all of those things and turns out with that I was actually torturing you.”

She shakes her head, she sighs like she felt guilty towards me.

“I was so stupid, too stupid for you chaeng. I am so sorry.” And by that she