5. Keeping Inside

No one in this world wants to feel hurts, sad, pain, or anything that only brings bad things into their life.

But..

There are some people who choose to be in pain so that other people doesn’t have to. 

These kind of people is they who willingly to put aside their comfort for someone who is important for their life. For them, it doesn’t matter how hurts they are, but as long that someone important doesn’t need feel the pain they’re fine with it.

How can they do that ?

Easy..

Just don’t tell anything bad to that someone important, if anything bad  happens, they just keep it for themselves and somehow people forget about it.

If… 
They can forget about it, 

If not.. 
Than the pain will always be inside them, and slowly but sure will ruin their life.

It is like you keeping a garbage for yourself and let those garbage rot inside yourself.

Tragic huh ?
_____________________________________ 
27 December 2018

Christmas was always the most wonderful time of the year, until I met her. All the time I spent with her are the most wonderful time of the year. Happiness always being our companion when we were together, 

Well.. at least for me.

Even though hardships keep tailing behind us, but somehow, with her, I always had a new spirit and motivation to get through it with smile.

I learn a lot from her, and I guess she also learns a lot from me. We always had this mutualism symbiosis, never I regret anything that I’ve been through with her.

Back to the Christmas, you guys all know what happen with it. The hot chocolate, the story about a depressed girl, and also the harry potter.

Mina really means it about the movie nights to finish all the Harry Potter. I never complain, I like it actually,
but…

Nowadays, the more I spend time with her, the more I felt the jolt of happiness. I know this joy feeling is actually the wrong thing to feel, I shouldn’t feel like this towards her, she is my best friend, not more. Mina always said it, she underlines the words best friend many times till I getting allergic to that words. 

I’ve tried to let go of this feelings, 

but..

If mina keeps pulling me closer to her, how can I do that ?

I’ve been keeping this feeling inside for I don’t even remember how long. Acting cool and all calm every time she initiates some skinships. Acting not being too happy every time I succeeded to solve mina’s problem, and when she thanked me gratefully with her authentic gummy smile. 

It was so hard. 
Really hard. 

Sometimes I want to give up on this, I just want to runaway from her, and start a new life. 

But again..

I don’t think I am capable to do that. 
I can’t even imagine how can I live without her.

Without her silliness

Without her ambitions

Without her sweet gummy smile 

I just…

I just can’t live without her.

She own my life, but I can’t own hers.

The more I think about, it is getting more into a parasitism symbiosis, isn’t it ? 

“Chaeng!” suddenly she calls out from the changing room. 

“Let’s forget about it chaeng, you can do it.” I talk to myself, so I can stop with my mind right now, and just enjoy the time with her.

“How do I look ?” 
She asks me with the white dress I choose for her. Moving her body side to side to get a clearer sight of herself on the mirror. Her slender body perfectly fit into the dress, some beautiful flowers decoration on the dress also completing this graceful side of Mina.

“You look amazing, like always. I never fail to find the best dress for you, mina.” I said proudly.

“Or…..”

“Or what ?”

“Or maybe it just me who looks good in any dress.” She stick her tongue out before running away from me. She has this confident, but I don’t mind it, what she said is true anyway, she will always looks good in any dress she wear.

“Just get the dress mina, I’ll wait on the cashier.” I talk to her behind the changing room door, “And don’t take too long on admiring yourself in the mirror mina.” I joke receiving a whine from her. 
“I am not admiring myself chaeng, thanks.” 

I walk away from the changing room, sitting myself on the couch close to the cashier, waiting for mina changing back to her casual clothes. It doesn’t takes too long, after a couple of minutes she came out with some dresses on her hands.

“I’ll take this two.” She said to the cashier.

“What happen with the red ? You don’t like it ? I think you look good with it.” 

“Red dress is a trauma chaeng, and you know why.” She sigh. I also sigh cause I personally likes mina in red. She looks elegant in red.

“Okay I won’t fight you with that.”

“Good, I know you wouldn’t.” I smile after words, she knows I always give in with these kind of conversation. 

After she paid her dress, we decided to eat some dinner. It was tiring walking around this huge mall to find some dresses for Mina. Mina’s family is going to have a new year celebration later, her mom said she needs to dress up for the party.

I don’t mind being her bodyguard, escorting her walking around the mall to find the best dress for her. 
But now, we are both tired. I guess we already walking for more than 4 hours, in and out dozens of clothes store. Mina even keep on changing her clothes to try some dresses. We deserve some big meals for dinner tonight.

“Burger kings?” she asked.

“Anything you want. I just need food.”

“Cool, I want burgers and some fries, and…..”

“Ice cream ?” I reall