“You may go…” The judge waved me off the stage and I practically ran off. They saw it for sure…They saw all my mistakes…

It was going…All of it…It was going away…

                All this time I had been thinking to myself ‘none of it mattered’ or ‘its just a hobby’ but it wasn’t. No dancing made me feel alive again. For the first time I three years, I felt like I was doing more with my life then I had ever done before. For the first time, grades didn’t matter. My parent’s expectations  didn’t matter. For once, I was doing something that made me happy and I was having fun! I wanted to win this competition…I wanted to do something worthwhile…. but she ruined it. Ae Chae just couldn’t mind her own business! She wouldn’t let me have it, that spoiled little brat! But…no it wasn’t her fault…If I had wanted it then as much as I wanted it now…then I wouldn’t have lost that easy.

I hurried off stage to the waiting room. I grabbed my bag and started heading out the door when I felt a hand grab my elbow and pull me back. Typical Jonghyun.

“Listen, Jonghyun I have to go-“

“I’m not Jonghyun…” Taemin’s soft voice spoke.

“I don’t care…I need to go now.” I said. His appearance wasn’t exactly improving my mood.

“You can’t. Even with those few stumbles, you did great. There’s no way they could’ve notice. If you run out now, you’ll lose this competition.” As Taemin spoke, I felt my tears stinging my eyes. He was being confusing and I was already frustrated by the competition. And when I was frustrated, I tended to tear up as a reflex.

“So? I was never meant to be in this competition anyway…” I said softly, trying to control the knot in my throat. “I mean, I only joined because Jonghyun asked.”

“Why did you stay then?” Taemin stated, his voice having an odd tone to it.

“Because…I like dancing…” I said, the tears starting to spill. I tried to wipe them away quickly.

“What was that? I can’t hear you.” Taemin said, his tone a little bit more aggressive as his hold tightened on my elbow.

“I l-like…I love dancing…” I laughed out slightly. “I love it so much…”

“Then why give up so easily? Because your parents wouldn’t approve? Because you wouldn’t be their little girl? You’re 19 years old! Plus you’re letting Ae Chae win…” As Taemin spoke, I tore my elbow out of his grip, feeling angry at his statement of my weakness

“No, you’re letting her win. Why are you talking to me about Ae Chae? Geseki!(bull sh**)” I said, looking at him made me a bit angry now. What did he know about me? He hasn’t talked to me in three years… “You let her push you around! Do you even like that girl? You hug her and kiss her and do whatever she says! You know she treats your friends like sh** right? You know she slapped Key? Do you know she forbid them to talk to me and used me as a threat? You’re the only with the power to have stopped it but you didn’t! All because you’re afraid of losing your job!”

By now, tears were falling down my face and I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t see his expression. I didn’t want to. A warm thumbed wiped my tears from my cheek and I felt lips press against my temple. My face went hot and despite my fury butterflies gathered up in my tummy.

~ALL CONTESTANTS ON THE STAGE. ALL CONTESTANTS ON THE STAGE~

                I sighed, my alarm clock ringing loudly. My hand reached out to turn it off but it slapped it to the ground instead. Aiiishh! Lying flat on my back, I brought the back of my hand to cover my eyes. Nothing seemed to be going my way…

~~~~~~~~

                “The five contestants to make it on to the next round are…” The judge went down the list of names. I tried to listen carefully but my heart was beating almost too loud to hear. The list had drawn to an end…My name wasn’t on it…

                I had rushed out, almost making it towards the door but was stopped by Key, Minho, and Onew. They looked rather grave and only Key hugged me, saying good bye and nothing else. I didn’t think anything of it then..

                I rushed out, the knot in my throat growing as I walked off.

                                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                It has been a week since I was kicked off. Only key bothered to text me anymore, though it was only a few text to ask me how it was. It was like when I was kicked out of the competition, I had been kicked out of the contest. Not even Jonghyun so much as emailed me over the time…

                I sat up in my bed, feeling a mess.

                Knock, Knock

                “Go away, Haewon…” I groaned. “I’m not clean-“

                “Ddal(daughter)! It’s us!!” My parents burst into my room, looking flustered and my mother had red eyes, as if she had been crying. In case you were wondering, I got the crying habit from her. Luckily it wasn’t half as bad. My mother pulled me into a tight, almost-can’t-breath hug. “I missed you so much, Eun Mi!!!”

                I was happy to see them… or sort of. I loved my parents but I just wasn’t in the mood. I hugged back, taking a quick look around my room to make sure there was no trace of the contest. Luckily there wasn’t.

                “Umma! Appa! How have you been? Why are you here?” I said, putting on a smile.

                “Can’t we surprise our daughter?” My father chuckled. “And my question is how you are doing, Ori(duck)?”

                Ori was the nickname my father had given me as a child because I use to be so fascinated with ducks and I refused to eat them if my mother made it for dinner. I kind of hated it, but it was okay if he called me it.

                “I’m very good, Appa.” I smiled and gave him a hug too.

                As it turns out, my parents came down to visit for the weekend. My mother was so excited to see me and they had planned a big trip for all of us to head into the heart of Seoul for a festival. I sighed. Well, even if I didn’t feel like it, I would put on a happy face…