Trigger warning for implied ual assault, and suicidal thoughts/actions.

Luhan’s eyes followed Yixing as he paced the room. It was silent save for his footsteps and Baekhyun’s typing. Some others have gone back to the base to scope it out, bring some things back, like weapons. This was going to be an all out war, they needed to plan it like one. Luhan couldn’t get over the feeling of just how much he’s missed. The news of Nayeon’s passing striking him deep. He misses her hugs, her smile and quick wit. He missed the fact that he could have gone to her with any problem at all and he knew she wouldn’t judge him for it. He can barely remember his own mother, not knowing if she’s alive or not. Now his second one was taken from him too.

The rest of EXO, his brothers… in some ways they’ve changed. He’s noticed how guarded they all are. He gets the feeling that if Y/N wasn’t Nayeon’s daughter, the new doctor they’d have now wouldn’t have been able to have gotten close to any of them in years, much less months. His heart ached for them, not even being able to imagine the pain they’ve endured from his, Yifan and Zitao’s passing. He didn’t have the heart to tell them what they did with their bodies and how they were tested on.

Watching Yixing worry, with this hands tugging at his own hair and his eyes bloodshot red made Luhan just want to hug the man. The cold air making him shiver as he watched his fellow countryman as he kept walking without a coat.

It seems that Luhan wasn’t the only one who noticed.

Minseok walks over after entering the room, catching Yixing’s hand. The taller man stopped, looking to the ground as Minseok took off the coat he didn’t need and handing it to him. Yixing didn’t move at all, making Minseok sigh.

“Please,” Minseok begs, “Put on the coat. You’ve been pacing for days, your lips are blue, and you’re shivering. When we go get Y/N, we can’t have you sick in case something happens to us. In case something has happened to her.”

Yixing takes the jacket, shrugging it on without even so much as a glance to Minseok. “It’s been days,” He says, his voice cracking. “If you were them, you wouldn’t keep her alive.”

“That’s not true,” Luhan says, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against. “Her power is useful to them, they’d keep her alive.”

Yixing glances over, glaring at Luhan in a way the older man has never seen from Yixing before. “Really? It seems like to me they don’t even need to be alive. They took Zitao’s power and put it in someone else, why can’t they do that to her?!”

The anger in Yixing’s makes Luhan hesitate a moment, trying to decide on his words. When he finally speaks, it is in their native language. “They only do that to people who are dead already and to those who don’t cooperate.”

“Now that they don’t know where we are, Y/N isn’t going to help them kill other innocent people,” Yixing yells back. Minseok gives him a look of confusion. He knows a bit of their language, but they’re speaking so fast it’s hard to keep up. “She would never help them kill people! She’d die before she did, especially if it means keeping us all safe!”

“Then they’d use her as a bargaining chip against you,” Luhan says calmly, knowing that Yixing isn’t angry at him, but at the situation.

“And if they ask for your lives instead of hers,” Yixing asks, his voice softer now, full of heartache. “I can’t do that to all of you… but I can’t just let her go. You all are my family. Y/N is…. She’s….”

“She’s the love of your life,” Luhan says, taking a few steps to Yixing. He places his hands on the younger man’s shoulders. “I know what it’s like. I was watching as a prisoner in my own brain the second I saw Sehun. You can not imagine the guilt I feel for stabbing him, for almost killing him. I will have nightmares about it for the rest of my life.” Luhan’s hands tighten their grip on Yixing’s shirt, “But if you let your fear control you, it will cloud your judgement. You won’t make the right choices and someone will die. It’s ok to be afraid, brother, but don’t let that fear make your choices for you.”

Yixing pulled Luhan close, hugging him tightly. He could feel tears fall onto the top of his head. “It is good to have you back,” Yixing muttered, before letting him go, wiping his eyes, and turning out the room. 

I glance up, seeing the ceiling of my cell once again. My body ached more than ever. I couldn’t stop my mind replaying everything from the past few days. My mother cutting me and burning me over and over, making me scream in agony as she looked on without a care at all. My heart hurt, my mind knowing my mother wasn’t the one doing this, but it didn’t make it any easier. I turned to look out of the wall of my cell, seeing a few people in the other ones close by. One was a young girl, her hair blonde. She was slamming her fists into the wall, moving but no sound could be heard. The other a young woman around my age, her hair ink black as she paced her room. Her stomach was huge, she looked heavily pregnant as tears fell from her eyes.

I could see my reflection in the wall, seeing the dark circles under my eyes and the bruises on my face. I looked like a completely different person. My mind often wanders to Yixing. It’s ironic, really, how he tortures people and I’m ok with it, but now that it’s happening to me, I feel awful. By my own mother, no less.

Part of me wonders if she’s still in there, like Luhan was. I remember seeing him break out of whatever control they had him under. He did so after hurting Sehun… but my mother was hurting me a lot. Her eyes were always emotionless, but I still wanted to believe she was in there somehow.

The wall behind my back moved a bit, a tray of food being delivered to me. I move quickly, ignoring the pain, seeing the sandwich on it. I devoured it, my stomach hurting from having food for the first time in days. Once I return to my bed, I pulled the blanket over my eyes, trying to sleep through this never ending nightmare. 

“I heard you and Yixing had a bit of a talk,” Sehun says, glancing up at Luhan after he enters a different room.

“I was just trying to reassure him that she will be fine,” Luhan mutters, moving to sit in front of Sehun. “I want to reassure you, too. I know she’s a dear friend now.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, “Now that you know I’m not in love with her, you mean.”

“Sehun, don’t be like that.”

The youngest man looks him in the eyes, a frown clear on his face. “Don’t be what? Upset?” He shakes his head looking away from him.

“Don’t take your anger out on me just because you’re worried about your friend,” Luhan says sternly. “I get it. You’re angry she was taken. You’re angry that they could be doing what they did to us to her. I am sorry if I did something to upset you, but please don’t try to push me away.”

Luhan places his hands on Sehun’s knees, trying to comfort him. They remained silent for a while, listening to the wind as a snow storm was coming down hard. The chill in the air was so cold, both of their breathing was making clouds in the air. The howling of the wind was shaking some shutters on the outside of the building.

“It isn’t just that,” Sehun mutters, his eyes still glancing at a wall. “I am worried about Y/N. You don’t even know how scared I am for her, but I’m scared for us too. I’m scared for Baekhyun. He is so fond of Y/N. Hell, she may even be his best friend.”

“I… I didn’t know they were that close,” Luhan whispers to himself, making Sehun look at him.

“Why do you think he’s been searching, trying to make a plan to get her day and night. He’s only slept when we’ve forced him. I’m worried about Minseok, too. He’s pretty reserved about it, but he sees Y/N as a sister. I mean, we all do, but he spent so much time training her to be able to defend herself, he’s become extremely protective of her.” Sehun smiles sadly at himself, looking Luhan directly in the eyes. “I… we were training her, and She just… she doesn’t like hurting people.”

Luhan nods, “Nayeon said that a couple of times.”

“She was right. I got frustrated, so I spared with her once. I…” Sehun’s voice wavered a bit, and Luhan could see the tears in his eyes. “I didn’t hold back. I said a lot of things I regret, that I knew weren’t true just to get a rise out of her. I beat the hell out of her.” He looks down at his fists, “After, though, Minseok damn near beat me unconsciousness. He was furious. I’ve never seem him so angry in all his life. He even told Yixing not to heal me for a few hours. To ‘let the pain teach me a lesson’.”

“He doesn’t lose control easily at all,” Luhan says, taking Sehun’s fists in his hands.

“But I’m most worried about Yixing,” Sehun whispers. “If something happens to her… If we don’t save her he’ll be just… empty. He’ll probably mourn, and then pretend he’s fine… Like nothing is wrong. He’ll act like he’s moving on but he won’t be. He’ll be stuck in a pit of depression where when he’s alone, just himself and his thoughts, he’ll not want to live anymore.”

“How do you know,” Luhan asks, trying to keep himself calm for Sehun’s sake.

Sehun looks up, tears trailing down his face. A sad smile graces his lips, “Personal experience.”

Luhan has never heard a sentence more heartbreaking in his entire life.

“Tell me where they are,” Kiyoung demands, swirling wine in a glass. The room was much of the same. White walls, white floors, white everything. My mother stood there, no emotions on her face as she held a knife to my cheek. I was breathing heavily, tears falling down my face as my body ached. Cuts all over my body. From my hands down to the bottom of my feet.

“I don’t know,” I gasp out, my throat so dry. My stomach growling as I watched him bite a sandwich.

“Do it,” He says with his mouth full, and the knife cuts into my face, from the bridge of my nose to my chin. I don’t even scream anymore. I just sit there and take it, too weak to even fight back. My eyes glued at my mother, “Please don’t do this.”

“I told you, she can’t hear you,” He says, walking over with a sigh. He finishes the sandwich smirking as he pours the glass of wine over my head. “Is keeping them safe really worth enduring this for? Is it worth living for?”

I say nothing as I feel humiliated, red wine dripping from my hair. His laugh cutting through the air, making me feel ill.

“Well, then,” He says, taking my mother’s hand, Pulling her to the table that was in front of me. “I suppose we’ll have to try something else to get you to talk.”

The second his lips meet my mother’s, I close my eyes and desperately tried to block out the sounds I heard after that. Even if I wanted to stop what was happening before me, I couldn’t, because I truly didn’t know where they were. Tears fell from my eyes as I was sobbing uncontrollably, listening to Kiyoung make my mother do vile things to him. He called her awful things, the sound of his hand slapping her ringing in my ears.

“If you don’t watch, I’ll kill her.”

Without debating it, I open my eyes. 

“HEY,” Baekhyun screamed, waking everyone up. He went from room to room, getting everyone as he stomps around. “Meet back in the main room!”

Junmyeon stretched from his place against the wall. He helps the people around him up, before going into the main room.

“Man,” Neon said in English, “Couldn’t this wait until morning? !”

“No,” Baekhyun yelled back in English. “Jongdae, get over here!”

Everyone filed in one after the other. Baekhyun handed the plug of his computer to Jongdae, who muttered about being a glorified battery as he charged the laptop up. Luhan was at the back, keeping his distance from everyone, Sehun a bit in front of him. Kyungsoo stood by Minseok, who both were trying to rub the sleepiness from their eyes. Chanyeol was peeking over at the computer, trying to see what was going on. Jongin was stretching, taking a seat on the table right beside Junmyeon, who was sitting in a chair. Yixing was standing off to the side of Baekhyun, tapping his foot against the floor. His eyes were dark and there were clear bags under his eyes. He didn’t sleep at all.

“Tomorrow, many militarizes from around the world are planning on sieging Seoul, especially capitol buildings. Cutting off power, everything,” Baekhyun explains, typing away.

“How did you find that out,” Kyungsoo asks, his face stern.

“I may or may not have hacked into the United States Military… stuff,“ Baekhyun says with the tiniest bit of pride in his voice.

“You did,” Chanyeol asks, finally just fully looking at the screen, “Wow.”

“It’s actually easier than you’d think to be honest,” Baekhyun mutters. “Our best bet to use the secret tunnel is then. We can get into the labs when they’re power is low, sneak in and get Y/N and others there if there are some, and get out. When their power goes down, I’ll be able to easily hack into their servers, since, in situations like that, powering their cyber security isn’t the priority. The catch is I’ll need a much stronger computer, so I’ll have to go back to base.”

“That’s dangerous,” Minseok says, shaking his head.

“I’ll need someone to stay back and keep me safe, just in case.”

The room erupted in discussion which quickly turned into arguing.

“I’m not staying,” Minseok demands, crossing his arms and glaring at Chanyeol, who suggested it.

Junmyeon looks over at the youngest, “Sehun, why don’t-”

“Absolutely not. No ing way,” Sehun cuts in, shaking his head. "If you think I’m staying behind, you’re crazy!”

None even dared to suggest Yixing stay behind, and Jongin was needed to get out quickly. Neon knew the subway systems like the back of her hand, so she could get them there in no time at all without getting lost. Everyone could have gone, and anyone could stay.

“I’ll stay,” Luhan suggests. “You’re all attached, so you should all go. I can stay and keep Baekhyun safe. Besides,” He says, crossing his arms and looking out the window, “I don’t exactly want to go back there, honestly. I don’t exactly have many fun memories.”

“Your memories are coming back to you,” Kyungsoo asks, looking over at him.

“Slowly, piece by piece. Wish they weren’t, honestly.”

“Then it’s decided,” Junmyeon says, looking toward Baekhyun. “What about their security forces?”

Baekhyun smirked, “Well, let’s just say that Kiyoung’s labs are one of the first places being raided.”

“How did they find the place if we couldn’t,” Jongin asks, also now looking over Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“A little birdy told them everything they needed to know, proof and all,” Baekhyun says with a wide grin.

“Tomorrow, then,” Yixing says, looking over at everyone. “Tomorrow. We better get some rest and get geared up.”

“You’re the only one who needs rest, really,” Neon points out, sparks of colors flying from her finger when she gestures with her hands. Looking over at him, she sighs, “So I suggest you go and sleep. You won’t be able to help Y/N if you’re too damn tired.”

Just as quickly as everyone gathered, they separated. Neon stayed next to Baekhyun, a small frown on her face as she watches Yixing leave the room. He was still extremely upset. He was usually smiling and happy any time Neon’s seen him, which was mostly after they’ve dropped off people to be helped out of the country or when they’ve hidden for a few hours at her base. She feels Baekhyun’s hand pat her own, “I’m sorry.”

Neon just shrugs, “It’s fine. I’ve told him ages ago anyways. I just need to move on.”

“You say that like he accidentally bumped into you,” Baekhyun says, typing away. “Instead of, you know, not returning your feelings.”

“I’m not going to hold it against him,” Neon mutters, “He can’t help the way he feels. If he doesn’t see me like that, then he doesn’t see me like that.”

“Zoey-”

“No, it’s fine. I’m really, truthfully fine,” She says, glancing at the computer screen. “I just… I want to help save Y/N. She’s a kind person and she’s helped you all so much. She doesn’t deserve anything that they could be doing to her. And sure, I’m a bit jealous, but I don’t want anything to happen to her. That would be just plain petty.” Neon sighs, “Besides, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it used to, so, progress.”

Baekhyun nods, “So… after tomorrow, what are you going to do?”

“I think I may go back to the US. Try to see if my family is still around,” Zoey says, looking over at him, “You?”

“I have a feeling that, no matter what happens, whatever is left of EXO, we’re always going to at the very least, be living around one another.” Baekhyun’s hands pause a moment from his typing, “But… I’ve always wanted to see New York city.”

“Well, you’re in luck,” Zoey grins, “Because I happen to be from Brooklyn! You can come anytime and I’ll show you around.”

“I’d like that,” Baekhyun says with a small sad smile. “I’d really like that.” 

The clear wall opens as I’m shoved into my cell, this time by an unknown guard who was in all black. I fall to my hands and knees, my body in so much pain tears stream down my face. Blood still coming from a few of the cuts I have. I stay there, sobbing, trying to wash the image out of my mind of Kiyoung violating my mother.

I look up, grabbing the edge of the bed frame. I start pulling myself off the ground slowly but surely, trying to ignore the pain I felt. Opening my eyes, seeing a small object wrapped in a navy blue cloth and a note. I carefully pick up the note, reading the typed words.

‘Suffer? Or end it? Your choice.’

I unwrap the object, a small revolver falling into the mattress. I just stare at it for a minute. It was gray, and a little bigger than my hand. I pick it up, looking in the cylinder, seeing only one bullet. I couldn’t help but laugh, looking at this small weapon.

The rational part of my brain couldn’t stop my mind from actually considering it. I just close my eyes and all the pain would be gone. I wouldn’t have to watch my mother suffer anymore. I wouldn’t be used to hurt the ones I love. I’d just be gone, never feeling pain again.

It was heavier than I expected, my hand weakly hold it aloft. It felt much heavier than it is to me, as I held an object I hated in my grasp. I watch as some people around me in other cells are either crying, starving, or being used as some sort of breeding program. All I knew it that I wouldn’t let that happen to me. I couldn’t let that happen to me.

Lifting the gun, I closed my eyes and held the barrel to the side of my head, tears falling down as I held back sobs. “I’m sorry,” I mutter.