A/N: 

I’ve been wanting to write something for Mina since the news came out but I couldn’t when I had so many feelings and anxieties. What happened in LA absolutely broke me but also helped soothe some worries so here it is. It’s full of pain but it’s also soft and I hope it provides some healing because the girls said it; they’ll always be nine members.

Written/uploaded on my phone as always, so apologies for formatting issues if there are any. I really need to start using my laptop again.

— moonstargayzing 

P.S. I’m already emo thinking about how emo I’m going to be after the concert in Newark tomorrow night-

Date: July 17, 2019

Location: The Forum, Los Angeles, USA

Son Chaeyoung: “We will always be together as nine members.”

Yoo Jeongyeon: “As it’s our very first world tour, we wanted to be here as nine members… I hope that our next world tour will have all of us, the nine members.”

Hirai Momo: When the eight members bow at the end of the concert, she holds out her hand as if Mina is by her side bowing with them.

Park Jihyo: “I’m so happy that you all have made your candybongs mint green for Mina.”

When the eight members sit on the stage to take a picture with the fans, she leaves a space next to her for Mina. 

Practically all members: Cry at the end of the concert.

[ Later that evening. ]

The members are exhausted, but happy. Their first concert in America was sold out with zero American promotions. They truly feel the love of ONCE and they’re ready to go to bed, but there’s one thing Jeongyeon must do first.

She fidgets in place on the couch, feeling nervous for some reason as the call rings, fingers drumming against the back of her phone as she waits. Finally, the call is picked up, Mina’s face appearing on the screen, and she smiles, suddenly relieved.

“Hi, Minari.”

“Hi, Jeongyeon unnie. I take it the concert’s over?” Mina looks a bit tired, but healthier. There’s a glow to her cheeks that hasn’t been there in a while, and she looks comfortable. Being home is treating her well.

“Mmhmm, we’re all tired out but it was fun. The stadium was full, the fans cheered loudly at everything and the energy was exhilarating. It was great.” Her smile falters for a moment then. “...it would have been better with you there,” she whispers, her smile returning but laden with something heavy.

Mina’s face is so close to the screen that Jeongyeon can see the tears forming and regrets what she said immediately. She wishes she could pull Mina into a hug but she can’t; they’re thousands of miles away from each other.

“I wish I was there with you girls too.”

—

Chaeyoung pokes Momo’s cheek as she whines tiredly, giggling and pulling the older girl onto her lap. 

“Wanna call Mina unnie?”

Momo perks up immediately, nodding and snuggling up against Chaeyoung’s chest.

“Yes, please. I wanna see Ray, too!” 

Chaeyoung presses the call button and frowns when it’s rejected. 

“She must be in another call…”

The next moment she’s wrapped up with Momo’s whines and soft kisses pressed to her cheeks, so she can wait just a bit longer.

—

Jeongyeon reaches toward the screen as if she can cradle Mina’s face through it, but pulls her hand back when she remembers she can’t. Mina sees the action, a tear rolling down her recently tanned cheek, and Jeongyeon feels herself tearing up, too.

“I just wish… I wasn’t so weak, you know? I wish I could be strong. Then I’d be there with you, there with everyone,” Mina utters, her hand coming into view as she wipes her tears angrily.

“Mina, listen to me. You’re not weak, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You did ballet for eleven years; that takes so much strength and discipline. You joined the company because you realized that’s your dream; it’s what you want to do,” Jeongyeon murmurs softly, looking up for a moment as she tries to keep her tears at bay. 

“You joined an industry that thrives off of perfection and constant smiles and keeps quiet about physical and mental pain. You joined an industry that sneers at idols just because they’re not Korean, just because they have a different nationality that they can’t control. You smiled through all of it, came out of your shell even though you’re so beautiful just being quiet, just being you.”

The tears roll down her cheeks now, fat droplets that speak of missing her fellow member and soulmate, speak of exhaustion, speak of anger and hurt at what this industry has done to Mina, to all of them. 

“But what good is it when nothing I ever do is good enough?” Mina whispers, lips quivering and tears pooling at her collarbones.

Jeongyeon doesn’t know if she has an answer to that.

—

“Where’s Jeongyeonnie? She probably wants to call Mina, too,” Momo quips, her lips brushing Chaeyoung’s neck as she speaks, Chaeyoung’s fingers threading through her hair slowly. She’s feeling sleepy now, the rhythmic petting sending her to a soft and comfortable place.

“Not sure. We should go look for her, hmm?” Chaeyoung mumbles, her chin resting on the crown of Momo’s head. Momo makes no move to get up, and Chaeyoung pats her thigh with her free hand softly.

“Come on, let’s find Jeong unnie.”

—