For about the fourth time that night, Namjoon was woken up against his own will. The other three times, he’d woken up to the silent whimpers and cries of Seokjin next to him. Half conscious, Namjoon would move closer to Seokjin, pulling him as close as comfortably possible, and shushing him back to sleep.

This time, it was careless slaps landing on his right cheek that woke him up. His eyes shot open, wondering if it was his older brothers just trying to be annoying to lighten the mood. Jiyong and Heechul had been staying in the guest room together for the last few days. Namjoon was ecstatic to be living in the same house as his brothers once again, but was quickly reminded how much of a pest the both of them could be.

But instead of seeing his brothers, it was Hoseok and Yoongi, standing on the side of the bed with blankets wrapped around their bodies. Both of them had to have been sleep not too long ago judging by the fact that Yoongi was standing there with his eyes barely open and Hoseok was moving at the pace of a zombie. Wondering what the matter was, he carefully unraveled himself from around Jin who’d finally been able to stay asleep for longer than an hour and turned towards his sons.

“What’s wrong?” Namjoon whispered groggily. Knowing that the sound of Yoongi and Hoseok’s voice would only wake Seokjin, he quickly stood and added. “Let’s go talk in the room. Appa is still sleeping.”

They both nodded and followed Namjoon silently.

Making it to the room, Namjoon took a quick glimpse at the cute little clock that also served as a night light. It was 5 o’clock. They had fifty minutes before they had to get up and prepare for the day. Namjoon could definitely use those extra fifty minutes, but if Yoongi and Hoseok needed him, then he’ll stay awake.

“Come here,” Namjoon cooed. He climbed into the Hoseok’s bed on the bottom bunk, laid on his back, and hauled the two boys on either side of him. Both immediately cuddled into their Daddy’s sides as Namjoon held both of them tight in each arm.

“So, what’s up? Why’re you guys up so early?”

“Daddy…” That was Hoseok. The vibrations from Hoseok’s words both tickled him and filled him with an endearing warmth. “Why is Appa so sad?”

“I’ve never seen Appa so sad, Daddy,” Yoongi whispered. It didn’t even sound like he was fully awake. Straining his eyes to look down at his older son, he seen that Yoongi’s eyes were open just a bit. Namjoon could also faintly feel Yoongi’s tiny finger picking at the buttons of his pajama shirt.

“Well… your Appa’s sister died… Do you know what that means?”

“Appa said that when people die, their body stops working. It’s like they go to sleep and never wake up again,” Hoseok answered in a sad whisper.

“Right. So when someone dies, the people that loved them most get really sad,” Namjoon sighed. He was thinking of his words very carefully. He didn’t want to make the kids feel sad about it too. “And even though you both never got to meet your Aunt Bora, your Appa loved her very much. She was a very, very busy lady so your Appa didn’t get to talk to her all of the time. Now that she’s dead…”

“Why was she so busy, Daddy?” Yoongi said, raising his head a little bit. Namjoon looked to Yoongi. From the faint glow of the night light, Namjoon could see that Yoongi had woken up a bit more than before. He ran a comforting hand through Yoongi’s hair.

“Because she had a husband and three kids. She was even a cardiologist.”

Hoseok suddenly gasped and raised his head a bit too. “Like… a card expert ?”

Namjoon laughed. He laughed even harder when Yoongi looked just as excited about this ‘card expert.’

“No, not a card expert, sweetheart,” he chuckled. “A cardiologist is a doctor that makes sure everyone’s heart is in good shape.”

Upon hearing the much more boring definition of what a cardiologist actually was, Yoongi and Hoseok’s excitement died down and they both snuggled back into Namjoon’s sides.

“How do we make Appa feel better?” Yoongi asked softly. “Appa said that you can’t bring them back to life so I don’t know what else to do.”

“We can try our best to make him smile,” Namjoon said optimistically. He hoped that by sounding more hopeful, the kids won’t feel like there was nothing they could do to make Seokjin feel better. Even if there technically wasn’t anything they could do.

“We also want to give him the time to feel better. So if you see Appa crying, you can try to give him a hug. But don’t crowd him too much. He also needs time to accept what happened and be by himself. Okay?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

“Yes.”

Namjoon kissed the both of their heads even though it was a bit difficult to do so.

“Hey, Daddy,” Hoseok said. “Can we make Appa some breakfast? I’m sure he’ll smile when he sees it!”

Namjoon looked at the clock again. Only ten minutes had passed but he still hesitated a bit. Namjoon knew that when Seokjin was experiencing such intense feelings of anguish, he wasn’t a big eater. He rarely ate and refused to even leave the bed sometimes unless it was absolutely necessary.

Seokjin probably wouldn’t even want to eat the breakfast and would probably cry because he felt so bad about it. Yeah, Jin was that emotional when he was upset.

“How about we make him a small breakfast,” Namjoon reasoned.

Yoongi and Hoseok nodded eagerly, ready to get up and run to the kitchen, but Namjoon grabbed them both before they could. “But first, let’s lay here for a little while longer. We got time.”

With a smile, Yoongi and Hoseok scotted up to snuggle their faces into either side of his neck this time. Both of their small bodies fighting for space on his chest. They all giggled together before finally settling down and sharing delicate, gentle breaths in the sweet, soft, and euphonious silence.

. . Stupid. .

Seokjin was kicking at the covers before his mind even caught up with his actions. All he did was glance at the clock when his usual alarm resounded and it was already 6:50.

That’s a whole hour later than usual.

Jin snatched his phone from the bedside table and checked the alarm he had set for 5:50. But for some reason the alarm was set for 6:50. He had the most sudden urge to smash the phone against his forehead for being so stupid and setting the alarm a whole hour late.

He doesn’t even remember changing it though!

“Namjoon!” Jin panicked. “I ing set the-”

When he whipped around to shake Namjoon awake and cry to him, Jin froze upon seeing that he wasn’t there. With a loud sound that was something of a combination of a scream and a groan, Seokjin was darting towards their bathroom door to see if Namjoon was there.

But he wasn’t.

Jin was really trying to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest, weighing him down physically. He’d just gotten out of bed and all he wanted to do was sit. His body felt like it weighed a hundred pounds heavier.

Despite that, Jin tried his best not to think about it, resisting the strong urge to just give up and cry. Even if it was just a simple mistake, when Jin was feeling sad or depressed every single feeling became magnified a thousandfold.

So Jin’s simple frustration felt like someone had told him that he’d lost his house, husband, and kids.

Gathering the rest of the strength he had, Jin rushed out of his room and started yelling. “Namjoon! My stupid alarm went off late! I’m so ing stupid!”

Jin didn’t even notice his excessive use of profanity. He couldn’t find it within himself to care when he saw the kitchen light on. After realizing that Namjoon was in the kitchen, Jin was marching towards it went such power and he didn’t even know where he got it from. He’d felt so weak just moments before.

“Namjoon, what the hell!?” His voice suddenly laced with anger. No, rage was a better phrase. But even that quickly turned into sadness as a huge wave of emotions just washed over Seokjin.

“Joon, w-why didn’t y-you wake me u-up. I-” He burst into tears as soon as he entered the kitchen, not even getting the chance to yell at Namjoon like he initially wanted to.

In just moments time, Jin was being enveloped in the familiar smell of his lover as Namjoon comforted him. But there was also a warmth that enveloped both of his legs. Wiping the tears from his eyes to clear his vision, Jin looked down to see Hoseok and Yoongi hugging his legs.

Both of them were in their school uniforms, looking up at him with bright, reassuring smiles.

“Good morning, Appa!” Hoseok smiled, nuzzling Jin’s left leg,

“Hey, Appa,” Yoongi followed. “Don’t cry.” He began to pull at Jin’s pants leg, pulling him along to the dining table where Jin’s favorite breakfast food was set at the table. Vegetable omelets.

They must have been eating when Jin started yelling and crying because there were three plates of half eaten omelets set out.

“What are you guys up to?” Jin chuckled.

“Well I may have tampered with your alarm to give you an extra hour to sleep,” Namjoon said. He pulled the chair from the table and motioned for Jin to sit. “The kids thought it would make their overemotional Appa feel better by making some breakfast. So I got the kids ready and everything.”

“By yourself?” Jin questioned.

“U-um…”

“No! Uncle Heechul helped! He’s in the shower right now though,” Hoseok smiled, climbing up the chair to resume eating. “I think Uncle Jiyong is sleeping. I heard him snore.” Hoseok and Yoongi giggled.

“Daddy couldn’t help Hoseok and me at the same time,” Yoongi added. “He almost burn your food too. So Uncle Heechul helped.”

As Namjoon sat down at the table once again, Jin was smiling. He was an emotional mess right now, but this… this took about ten pounds off of the one hundred pounds he had laying heavily on his chest. It was a bit of relief to say the least.

Even after a tear-filled and hectic morning, they were able to get out of the house on time and get the kids to school a bit early. They left Jiyong and Heechul in the house after they promised to do some cleaning,

But yet again, Jin noticed the disgusting looks directed at him and Namjoon from Yoongi’s teacher, Ms. Jung. This time she even rushed Yoongi into the classroom, not letting him look back at his dads to give them one last goodbye like he always did.

Jin definitely knew that this time, the judging looks from Ms. Jung weren’t just a fragment of his imagination. He frowned but let it go this time too.

That night while Jin is cooking dinner- mostly to thank Heechul and Jiyong for cleaning- he got a call from Junmyeon. Usually he refused to cook while messing around with his phone for the same reason he didn’t text and drive. To him it was an accident waiting to happen.

But Seokjin was sure that Junmyeon had an emotionally hectic day too so he couldn’t just deny the call. Turning the food on the stove to just a simmer, he answered the phone quickly.

“Hey, Jun!” He tried to sound as cheerful as possible. But it was a lie… and everyone knows how horrible Jin is at lying.

“Hey, Jin. I know you’re probably making dinner.” Junmyeon’s voice was low in exhaustion. So much exhaustion that he didn’t even try to hide it.

“How’d you know?”

“Because I’m doing the same,” he chuckled. The sound of his older brother’s laugh triggered something pleasant inside of Seokjin that caused him to laugh to.

“I called because I just got a call from Bora’s husband’s parents.”

Knowing what was coming, Jin gave a loud sigh and pressed his index finger and thumb into the sides of forehead. “I-is he dead?”

“...Yeah.”

Seokjin wanted to crush his phone as his jaw clenched and his eyes began to burn in frustration at the world and at fate itself. Or whatever entity that controlled what the hell went on in this world.

Neither of them had met Bora’s husband before. And while they were both disappointed at the fact that he’d lost his life too, they both were concerned about the same thing.

The triplets.

“W-what are they going to do with the children?” He vaguely remembered the fact that the husband’s parents were only planning on keeping the children for a short amount of time since they assumed both Bora and her husband would recover. Now what were they going to do?

“They said that they are going to have to put them in foster care or put them up for adoption. You know, they’re elderly people and can’t take care of three year old triplets.”

“Adoption? No. They could get split up. And you know how horrible the foster care system can be, Junmyeon. We can’t let that happen,” Jin said. He was shaking his head so vigorously as if Junmyeon could see it through the phone. But he didn’t even try to stop shaking his head because yet again he was refusing to believe the reality of it all.

“No. No. No. No…”

“There’s nothing we can do, Jinnie. I would adopt them myself but I don’t thinks it’s a good idea because Yixing is still adapting to the new environment and trying to learn Korean at the same time. It’s making him really frustrated so Kris and I need to be able to focus on him for now. Three more kids wouldn’t be the best for Yixing or the other boys.”

Jin could understand that. Kids were impressionable and sensitive. Seokjin knew that if Junmyeon were to adopt three more kids after just adopting Yixing a few weeks ago would no doubt make the boys wonder why their dads needed more kids.

They wouldn’t understand that the triplets had no home and nowhere else to go. They would only see that their daddy’s wanted more and more kids because they weren’t good enough.

Even though Jin understood, it didn’t make the situation any better.

“I… I’m gonna talk to Namjoon about it.”

“Jin, you don’t have to. I can always talk to Minseok, Luhan, and Yixing and try my best to explain the situation to them. I’m sure they’d understand.”

“No, I’m gonna talk to him,” Jin insisted. “I’ll call you back in a bit.”

“O-Okay.” Junmyeon wasn’t one to give in so easily usually but Jin wasn’t either. In some cases, he could persuade Jin to not do some of the impulsive things he usually did. But he knew that Jin would by no means be giving up this fight. So he let it go and hang up the phone.

Placing his phone back onto the kitchen countertop, Jin mixed a few pots on the stove. Just a bit longer until they were done.

“Um, Joonie. Can you come here for a second?” Seokjin called. In the living room, he heard Yoongi and Hoseok pout that Daddy had to stop play fighting with them. But when Namjoon mentioned that Appa probably just needed help with dinner, they instantly perked up again and continued to play with Heechul and Jiyong.

“Yeah?” Namjoon answered while skipping into the kitchen. Upon seeing Seokjin so tired, Namjoon placed a kiss on the back of Jin’s head and uttered, “Dinner smells good, sweetie.”

“Thanks,” Jin muttered, turning to his lover. “I… We need to talk about something.”

“Um… Okay. What’s going on?” Namjoon became a bit apprehensive when he took notice to Jin’s tone. It was different from the exhausted tone his voice had taken on for the entirety of the day. Right now, it was tense and serious.

“Bora’s husband, he died today…”

“Ah, Jin. I’m sorry. I could finish up dinner while he go get some rest,” Namjoon suggested. Jin gave a pointed look in response to the suggestion.

“Look, I know I’m bad at cooking but I’m sure I can do a bit of stirring until the food is ready,” he defended already grabbing for the cooking spoon which Jin hurriedly took from him.

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about… It’s about her kids. You know they’ve been living with their grandparents lately. But they can’t stay there forever so they were going to give them up for adoption and I-”

“You wanna adopt the kids?” Namjoon questioned, his eyes widening a bit. Yeah, he’d been thinking about having more kids but not so soon.

“Yes, I really, really do.”

“Well…” Namjoon paused subconsciously running a hand through his hair before folding his arms across his chest in thought. “How many kids? How old are they?”

Jin sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. This was the hard part. Jin knew that Namjoon would have no trouble adopting one kid, maybe even two if they were a bit older, but this was more.

“Triplets…” Jin mumbled. “They’re all three.”

Namjoon’s jaw immediately dropped as he leaned forward to hear better. Because there was no way he’d heard correctly just now. “Wait, what?” He scoffed.

“They’re triplets. They’re three years old and-”

“No, Jin.” Namjoon was already chuckling while shaking his head. “No. We can’t adopt three kids that are all three.”

“Why not?” Jin pouted in exasperation. He quickly turned off all of other burners on the stove, already knowing that this conversation would be a long one.

“Jin, you do know that Yoongi just turned six. Yoongi’s dealing with social anxiety and he’s going to the first grade next year. We have to be available to help him with that. There’s also Hoseok who will also need our help going into kindergarten and starting to learn new things. Do you really think three more kids at the moment is what we need?” Namjoon’s voice was getting louder as he continued simply listing the responsibilities that they already had.

Namjoon knew Jin was still emotional from losing his sister, but looking at the gaze in his eyes, Namjoon knew that Jin was serious about this. It wasn’t just some suggestion out of the blue, he seriously wanted to adopt these triplets. And to Namjoon, that was an absolutely horrible idea.

“I get that, Joon. But what if something happened to us and Yoongi and Hoseok had nowhere to go. You would want Junmyeon to adopt them, right? What if Jiyong was in the middle of a tour or if Heechul was putting together some huge fashion show for SJ? You would want them to take care of Yoongi and Hoseok despite all of that. Even if it was hard, you would want them to take care of our sons!” Jin said getting angrier and angrier as he went. He was struggling to keep his tone and body under control when in all honesty, he just wanted to throw something.

And Namjoon understood, he really did, it was the passion talking, not anger. But Namjoon couldn’t help but get pissed.

“I wouldn’t want that if it was going to make their lives a thousand times harder than before! You aren’t thinking straight right now so we aren’t about to have this conversation until you get over yourself and start actually thinking!”

Jin scoffed as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “Seriously! You really wanna go there-”

By that time, the two weren’t even having a conversation anymore. They both were just yelling at the other, trying to be heard and get their point across.

Yoongi and Hoseok, hearing the entire thing take place in the next room over, just looked at each other and then at their Uncle Heechul and Uncle Jiyong, who were wondering if they should intervene or not.

But when they saw the two boys on the floor with a sad pout to their lips at hearing their dads fight and yell at each other, they decided in the end that they should. “Hey, you guys stay here. We are gonna help your dads,” Heechul said standing from his spot on the couch where they were watching cartoons.

“Why are they fighting?” Hoseok asked, looking up at them from where he and Yoongi were sitting on the floor.

“We’re about to go find out,” Jiyong said, but it was quickly drowned out by Jin and Namjoon’s voices as they seemed to start bickering louder. Heechul was the first to shuffle into the kitchen.

“Hey, hey, hey! Stop, stop,” Heechul said stepping between the fighting couple. Jiyong stepped beside Seokjin and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder to stop him from saying anything more.

Jin sighed at the contact and gave up, turning away from the three of them so he didn’t have to see Namjoon’s face. It was so tempting to punch at the moment.

“What’s the problem here?” Heechul asked.

“For some stupid reason-”

“It’s not stupid,” Jin snapped. “It’s completely valid.”

“Alright. For some valid reason,” Namjoon mocked. “Jin thinks it’s a good idea to adopt three more children that are all three years old. He’s just emotional and not thinking straight.”

“ Stop brushing this off as just emotions. I’m serious about this!” Jin insisted, turning to face Namjoon again. Jiyong’s hand on his shoulder tightened again. “Those kids need us.”

Noticing that the tenseness in the atmosphere was rising once again, Heechul intervened again. “You guys can’t keep yelling at each other. You need to talk. Now, talk. Softly.”

With an annoyed groan, Namjoon tried. It was obvious Jin wasn’t going to try first given the way he scoffed and turned his head at the suggestion as soon as it left Heechul’s lips. “Seokjin. I understand why you want to adopt those kids. But if you just think about it, you’ll see that we don’t have the finances for all of that. It’s also going to take a lot of emotional responsibility to take care of five kids. We aren’t even thirty yet.”

Namjoon’s voice was soft but still tense. But Jin appreciated the fact that he tried at least.

“I’m sure Bora has finances left over. My mother was speaking about it with Bora’s financial advisor. Money shouldn’t be a problem. I’m sure we can figure out something that will give us enough time to have all of the kids comfortable.”

Jin’s next thoughts were cut off by Jiyong asking to say something.

“Yeah, say it.”

“Well you both have some valid points. But what if I stayed in Korea for another few months until you guys get comfortable and are able to take care of the kids on your own. I just got off tour and I’m done with promotions for the album. I should have a lot of free time on my hands,” Jiyong said.

“You don’t have-”

“I want to,” Jiyong smiled at his younger brother with reassurance.

“I can work something out and stay here too if that would help,” Heechul said. His voice had a hint of uncertainty there. “Being fathers of five is going to be challenging without some help.”

Jin nor Namjoon said anything for a while. Just letting everything sit in the air.

Seokjin was just tired and exhausted, wanting nothing more than to just go to sleep and never wake up again. Everything was making his heart feel so heavy, it was so close to just breaking under everything running through his mind. The fact that Bora is gone and isn’t coming back. The concern for the triplets. The concern for Yoongi, Hoseok and Namjoon. The fear of the future if they were going to adopt the triplets. Everything hurt.

He didn’t even notice that the tears were already falling down his cheeks. It wasn’t until Jiyong used the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe them.

“W-We should eat dinner and apologize to Yoongi and Hoseok. I’m sure we scared them,” Jin whispered, already moving around the kitchen for place, bowls, and utensils. Heechul and Jiyong left the kitchen with one last look at Namjoon.

Namjoon stayed where he was standing just staring at Seokjin for a couple more moments. Jin knew he was there. Knew he was staring. But he kept his back turned towards Namjoon. He didn’t want to talk to him.

And Namjoon quickly realized this as he turned around and left the kitchen to set the dining table without another word to Jin.

That night, the two cleaned the kitchen together in a deafening silence. Namjoon contemplated just rushing the entire process so he can just go to sleep, but he remembered what Jiyong told him before he slipped into the room with Heechul.

“It’s never a good idea to go to bed angry at each other,” he’d said.

And Namjoon agreed.

“Seokjin…”

“What?” Jin replied softly as he continued stocking the dishes into the dishwasher. He still was refusing to look at Namjoon.

“I’m scared of adopting the triplets… I’m not good with change,” Namjoon admitted.

“I’m scared too. But I can’t let them go to foster care. I just can’t… They could be seperated, put into abusive homes, or grow up believing that no one loves them enough to put in the effort for them. I don’t want that,” Jin said.

Namjoon was facing away from Jin since he was cleaning off the countertops with a damp towel. So he was both relieved and startled when he felt Jin wrap his arms around his waist and bury his face in the side of neck.

The warmth he felt from Jin reassured Namjoon in inexplicable ways. That warmth was the same warmth he fell in love with, that made him feel powerful and almighty. He felt that way now. Like he could take on the world if Jin stayed beside him forever.

“Jinnie… We should adopt the triplets…”

“What?” Jin raised his head quickly and let go of Namjoon’s waist so Namjoon could face him. The shock on his face made Namjoon chuckle as he reached to cradle Seokjin’s soft, tear-stricken face..

“I want those kids to have a home they deserve. With my brothers’ help, us by each other’s side, and our sweet little boys, I think we can do it. It’s gonna be hard, but we can do it.”