Jungkook

*

 

We all sat down in the living room with Mrs Han, exept for Jimin and Namjoon who were both "working" or more likely avoiding us.

It had been a month almost since the peace had been signed, and we had to decide what to do next. Would the hiding ever stop ? Should we change locations ?

 

"The force has decided that, when it comes to childrens, they will be evacuated in countries that haven’t suffered major battles like us.

• So... The kids are leaving ?

• Yes, Mrs Han smiled, all of them, to Canada, United States, Northern Europe, wherever they can take them in. We have friends there.

• Can’t these friends help us stop the problem here instead of making us send our childrens away ? Taehyung asked.

• I wish they could, Mrs Han sighed and looked at us, but we can’t loose hope. The departure of the kids means they have a brighter future ahead, and as for us, it means more room for you all, the shelters are crowded, even here, it’s beginning to be crowded. And the supplies aren’t easy to find. But with this new space, we have hope things will be easier.

• So we will be moving ?

• Probably, the girls already agreed to move actually, so you can stay here, you will all have a room. If you decide to stay, if you want to go somewhere else, it’s up to you, with have space in different districts. Who among you is interested in leaving ?"

 

Yoongi slowly raised his hand, and so did Hoseok.

 

"Guys, I said, really ?

• Yes. Without the girls here and... I think it’s time for a change, anyway, soon enough we’ll be free to meet again, above.

• Right, Taehyung smiled but he looked sad, we’ll find a way to each others.

• I promise, Hoseok said with tears in his eyes."

 

Mrs Han smiled and looked at us.

 

"You two love birds are staying here ?

• I think so, Eunae ?

• It’s fine enough here... What about Namjoon and Jimin ?

• I don’t know. I’ll ask them later, she looked away,with a bit of embarassment on her face. Now, what else did we discuss? Oh, did you heard the news ? Doctor Lee is getting married.

• She is ? I laughed, that’s great ! To who ?

• An other doctor underground, isn’t it wonderful ?

• It is ! Oh and Eunae, she wanted me to ask you if you could meet her afterwards ?

• Sure, Eunae smiled a bit surprised."

 

Later on we went to see doctor Lee, she was with Jimin who left the room as soon as we came in, I sighed, in a month I felt like I had seen him twice. And both times he was running away from me or from Eunae.

Eunae ignored him and went straight to Doctor Lee, weirdly, they had spend a lot of time together since she was in charge of her.

 

"How are you feeling Eunae ?

• Fine. It doesn’t hurt.

• Good, Doctor Lee smiled, I bet this one has something to do with it."

 

Eunae giggled, and they started to whisper, which made me incredibly uncomfortable and I blushed.

 

"Anyway, Doctor Lee said, I wanted to ask you if you would like to be my bridesmaid ?

• Your what ?

• I thought you and Haneul could do it, it’s not like a know a lot of young girls anyway, or like it’s going to be a big wedding, but I can’t think of anyone else but you.

• That’s great, I said taking Eunae’s hand in mine, you could wear one of the christmas party dresses, you would look great !

• Right ? And she already has a date for the wedding !

• When is it ?

• Maybe in three months ? It’s not like there is a lot to plan, we just need, well, someone to marry us ! But i’m sure among all the people in the shelters we’ll find someone with a licence !

• Eunae that’s great right ? I kissed her cheek, I’m so glad you guys are getting married.

• Well, we thought it could give people hope and, you know, show everyone that life is about positivity after all ! And Eunae as a bridemaid would probably help people who can’t deal with their loss. Show them you can still be happy after everything that happened. Right Eunae ?

• Happy ? Eunae whispered and slowly took her hand of mine, hope? Positivity ? Are you ing kidding me ?

• Eunae, I said, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to...

• How can you two be so excited about it ?! And how can you even think of me as a symbol for your happiness ? How dare you, she looked at me this time, think that this is just great for me ?!

• Eunae calm down...

• MY SISTER DIED JUNGKOOK ! SHE DIED A MONTH AGO ! And it’s not because I don’t scream or because I don’t cry anymore that I’m not in pain ! SHE DIED ! Alone ! In the cold with no one to hold her hand ! No promises of a better future ! You ! ALL OF YOU ! MRS HAN ! TAEHYUNG ! HOSEOK ! HANEUL ! You keep thinking of that day when things are going to get better and everyone is going to be happy ! Guess what ?! That day isn’t coming ! YOU THOUGHT THAT THE AFTER WAR WOULD BE BETTER ?! IT’S WORSE !! Because now that all the action is gone, we’re only left with what we broke, everything is crushed and dead, and we’re left with NOTHING BUT PAIN ! So you keep trying to pretend like things are getting better.. But don’t ask me to be a part of that ! Cause I won’t live my life as a lie !"

 

She opened the door and left. And I couldn’t say anything, I apologized to Doctor Lee who looked a bit shakened, and then I left too, but I didn’t go after her. Because I couldn’t do anything to make the pain go away. I thought I was helping, but really, I had just made her pretend to be ok, for me.

 

 

Jimin

 

I sat down next to my new found friend Kikwang, who was the soldier I had met a few weeks ago. He was a bit less relaxed than Kihong, but I was hoping my presence would help him, or that he would kill me and end all of my pain in the process.

 

"Hey, I smiled, so, why don’t we start again where we left off ?

• Where was that ? He asked, how you didn’t even do the military and are a ing coward that never went to battle ?

• I was hoping to skip that part...

• You can’t escape from who you are. It’s like feelings, you can’t escape from your feelings !

• What kind of feelings do you have ?

• Right now ? He asked surprised. None, a bit of anger, your face makes me angry.

• It makes me angry too, I smiled a bit, he was funny, I know you feel angry a lot, but do you never feel anything else ? Pain ? Happiness ? Hope ?

• Hope ?

• Yes, hope that you will go home some day for exemple.

• I don’t think of that.

• Why ?

• Because the war isn’t over, I’m still a soldier.

• But... The war did end.

• I’m still a soldier.

• What does it mean ?

• It means I haven’t accomplished my duty yet.. Not yet...

• Ok, how will you know you’ve accomplished it ?

• He will tell me.

• Who ?

• He...He..."

 

He held his head in his hands and a doctor asked me to leave, he was about to get very angry.

I went straight to the doctor.

 

"Who is he ?

• Who ? The doctor asked.

• This guy supposed to tell him his duty is over !

• I can’t say he has an identity, but we’re thinking it must be some kind of.. idea of a man that is superior, maybe the president or a captain, someone that gave him orders.

• Like when they were brainwashing him ?

• Yes. Someone who has the power over his will.

• That’s like a god.

• I know. But clearly none of the soldiers can talk about him, or they instantly go into crisis."

 

I sighed, feeling bad for them, they couldn’t go home, they weren’t really themselves anymore, they might as well be dead.

I shaked my head, trying to push the thought away, but it still felt like it was true.

 

*

 

Jungkook

 

Hoseok and Yoongi were on the leave, so were Yuri and Suhee, only Haneul had decided to stay in the end. We all gathered to say goodbye, Eunae even huged Yuri and wished her to be happy. It all had been settled.

 

"You’re not coming Jimin ? Hoseok asked.

• No I can’t leave now. They need me at work.

• Why would you leave ? I asked.

• It’s getting a little... he looked at Eunae and me, too suffocating down here. But I can’t leave so I’m going to deal with it. Guys, I wish you good luck."

 

We watched them leave and as soon as they were out of sighed Jimin left to hide somewhere, probably in his new room. Eunae went after him. And I followed them, but I didn’t followed them inside Jimin’s room, I stayed outside, listening.

 

"What did you meant ? Eunae said. Suffocating ?! We’re annoying to you maybe ?! When you’re barely around anyway !

• Maybe I would be more around if you weren’t here.

• Is that what this is about ? You can’t stand me here ?! Eunae yelled,I thought we were friends !

• We are... It’s just... Different now.

• How ?! How is our friendship different ?

• It just is ok ?! This is my room and I want to be left alone right now !

• BUT YOU HAVE BEEN ALONE ! I GAVE YOU TIME ! I LEFT YOU ALONE ! AND YOU LEFT ME ! You loved Eunmi as much as I did ! Yet you didn’t bothered to ask me once how I felt ! You won’t even look at me when we’re in the same room !

• I AM IN PAIN OK ?!

• I’M IN PAIN TOO ! SHE WAS MY SISTER JIMIN ! MY TWIN SISTER ! WE WERE LITERALLY THE SAME FLESH AND BLOOD ! AND SHE DIED ! AND NEVER DID YOU TRIED TO SUPPORT ME OR LET ME SUPPORT YOU !

• I DON’T WANT YOUR SUPPORT ! I could guess they were both crying at the point. I DON’T WANT IT !

• WHY CAN’T YOU BE THERE FOR ME ?! I NEED YOU ! MORE THAN ANY OF THE OTHERS ! BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND ME BETTER THAN ANY OF THEM !

• I KNOW !

• IF YOU KNOW... Why can’t you be there for me ? Why can’t you talk about her with me, and remind me there is something else than this horrifying death I imagine every day ! I need you to talk with me ! I can’t have you ignoring me !

• I CAN’T BE THERE FOR YOU ! Don’t ask that from me !

• WHY?!

• Because every time I look at you... You remind me of her ! I see her when I see you ! Because you two look so damn alike ! He sobbed, EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU I FEEL THIS LOVE COMING BACK AND I’M IN PAIN ! It hurts so ing bad to talk to you right now ! And when I see Jungkook and you it makes me feel sick ! BECAUSE I WANT IT TO BE HER AND ME ! BECAUSE I WISH SHE WASN’T DEAD AND THAT YOU WERE ! AND IT MAKES ME FEEL HORRIBLE TO THINK THAT BUT I CAN’T HELP IT ! SO can you let me go ?! Can you just accept that I can’t stand beeing in the same room as you ?! Because when I do I trash her memory, because I know she wouldn’t approve of my thoughts ! SHE WOULD HATE ME IF SHE KNEW OK ?! SO I NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU ! I have to...

• I can’t... I can’t let you do that.

• WHY ?! AFTER ALL I SAID ! WHY CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE ?!

   

   

• For the same reasons as you, you can’t stand being in my presence because you feel like you’re trashing her memory. But she loved you ! SO I CAN’T LET YOU GO ! Because she would want me to help you ! SHE WOULD WANT ME TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED AND... AND SHE LOVED YOU SO MUCH THAT I FEEL THAT IF I LET GO OF YOU, IF I DON’T FIGHT FOR YOU IT’S LIKE I’M LETTING HER GO ! IT FEELS LIKE I’M LOOSING HER ALL OVER AGAIN EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE THE ROOM."

 

She left the room and I took her in my arms before she ran away again. And she cried,she finally cried, her head burried against my chest, and her hands on my back.

 

*