"Why do you always do this Yongsun?" she turned around and stared at Byul.

"Excuse me? What did I do?"

"I knew this wouldn't work out," Byul then started packing her things in her duffel bag. "I'll speak with the CEO, I'll leave the group."

Hearing those words felt like being splashed with cold water in the face which was enough for Yongsun to think clearly. The rapper had her back turned and was already walking towards the door. She knew that if she let Byul go now then all hope she had of ever having the girl a part of her life would go out as well.

“Don’t turn your back from me Byulyi we’re still talking!” Yongsun quickly grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. “What do you mean you’ll leave the group?”

“I think I made it pretty clear. I’ll leave the group and once I’m gone then you can go back to your normal world without worrying about me turning your friends.” she tried getting her arm free but Yongsun had a death grip on it and wasn’t letting go. “Yongsun let go of my arm!”

“No! Not until you talk to me properly Byul!”

“There’s nothing for us to talk about.”

“Yes there is! I’ve been patient but it doesn’t seem to work with you. You keep on avoiding me at all cost while you get along fine with the other girls, I try to talk to you but you always run off! I know I did a terrible thing to you Byul and I really am sorry but you can’t hold that against me forever!” Byul stopped struggling but she was still facing away from Yongsun unmoving. “We used to be really close. You were my best friend and I was yours remember? Byul we grew up together so why is it so hard for you to forgive me and give me another chance? Is it that easy for you to throw our friendship away?”

“You were the one who threw it away!” she yelled back and faced Yongsun, “You choose your so called friends instead of me! You turned your back on me! You made me think it was wrong of me to feel the way that I did! You left me alone when everyone was bullying me and you did nothing! So don’t tell me that I’m throwing our friendship away because you already did that a long time ago!”

It seemed like all the pent up anger inside the rapper suddenly burst open and Yongsun was rendered speechless from it. Byul's face was red and she had tears in her eyes.

“Byul-ah I was just a kid. I didn’t know any better back then, I was just scared.” She tried to move closer to her but Byul stepped further back; away from her reach.

“And what about me huh? Did you think I wasn’t scared? I was the one being laughed at every single day. I was ridiculed because of something I had no control over while you stood aside and watched it all. You made me feel I was all alone unnie!” Byul had tears rolling down her face by the end of it which had her rooted to her spot.

“You have no idea what I went through since that day,” she stated more calmly, “and you have no right to tell me how to feel or to forgive you because every time I look at you, all the pain I’ve tried so hard to forget keeps coming back.”

Yongsun didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know if there were words she could say to make it all better. And like what happened years ago, she did nothing. Only this time it was Byulyi who walked away. She watched as the girl turned to the door and walked out leaving Yongsun in the middle of an empty room crying for the girl she feared she may have lost forever.

She didn’t know how long she was sat alone in the room crying her eyes out; it could have been minutes or hours, Yongsun didn’t know. All she knows is that she has hurt her best friend far too deeply than she first thought and it might have been too late to salvage any form of relationship they once had.

Their CEO eventually found out about the fallout and went barging in the room fumming, demanding the two remaining members to explain what happened that caused Byulyi to quit. There wasn't much to say though since Yongsun was still too distraught too even form a sentence and Hyejin not being in the room when the argument escalated. It didn't stop him from scolding Yongsun though. Being the leader he expected more from the girl and demanded she talk to Byulyi and get her back.

After being yelled at by their CEO they were dismissed early, reminding them to figure out a way to get their rapper back. The journey back to their shared dorm was spent in silence reminding Yongsun that she needs to clear things up with Wheein as well. The said girl was sitting quietly beside Hyejin and hasn't looked up at Yongsun once. Once they got to the dorm Yongsun intended to apologize to Wheein but the girl bolted for her room without a word leaving her alone with Hyejin. 

I've made such a big mess of things. Why am I such an idiot!

She let out a frustrated sigh and was about to fall on the couch when Hyejin grabbed her arm and dragged her to the kitchen. She made her sit at the counter table and took out two bottles of beer, setting one in front of her unnie. Normally Yongsun would have scolded the younger girl but looking back at the events this morning she thought a couple of sips wouldn't hurt. She opened the bottle and took a large gulp of it only to grimace at the bitter taste of the alcohol before swallowing. She put down the bottle but didn't dare look up at her maknae.

"How's Wheein?" she stated breaking the silence that was around them.

"She needs her alone time right now."

"Is she mad at me?" Yongsun hated how small her voice sounded but she couldn't help it. 

"Mad? No she's not mad at you unnie, you just..." Hyejin broke off trying to find the right words to say to avoid making the situation any worse. "...startled her a little. You can talk to her once she calms down a little." 

"And you?" Finally gaining the courage she looked at her friend to gauge her reaction.

"I wouldn't say mad is the right word," Hyejin took a sip from her beer before continuing. "A little frustrated yes but not mad." Taking a sit beside her unnie she prodded slowly. "Do you wanna tell me what's really going on between you and Byulyi unnie?"

"I don't know where to start."

"How about you tell me how you two met? You're both from Gangseo-gu and from the same school so is that where you two know each other?"

Hearing those questions brought forth her memories. Memories of a time when Byul was always beside her, when she could make the other girl smile, the times when Byul would make her laugh or how the other girl used to protect her from everything. 

"Byul is-I mean was my best friend." she started, "We've known each other since we were kids, way before highschool. She saved me from a bully once and that's when we became close. She was my protector." Yongsun let out a soft chuckle picturing little seven year old Byulyi trying to fight off the school bullies who were much bigger than her small frame.

"I remember I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from school when a boy from my class started picking on me. He uhm took my bag and started throwing it around then all of a sudden a ball hits his face. Next thing I knew Byulyi grabbed my hand and we just ran for it. She didn't even know me at that time, she actually thought I was younger than her! Before I knew it we became friends; something like how you and Wheein are."

Recalling those first few memories she had with the girl brought a smile to her face. 

"What happened to you two unnie?"

Six years ago

"Byul-ah hurry up we're gonna be late!" 

"I'm running as fast as I can unnie! Besides your the one lagging behind."

"Oh shut up and keep running, we're almost there! Oh boy I have to start exercising I'm running out of breath."

"That's your age showing unnie."

"What did you say to me you little brat?!"

The two kept bickering nonstop until they manage to get on school grounds. With only minutes to spare before the first period bell rings they hurriedly ran to their classes and hugged before going the opposite direction for their classes. Yongsun flopped down on her chair and was still trying to catch her breath when a couple of her friends surrounded her. 

"Good morning guys." she greeted, still slightly panting from her morning run.

"Morning Yongsun." They were looking at her funny and it was getting a little unsettling for her liking. 

"Uhm is something wrong? You're all acting weird." she asked.

"Nothing really. We were just wondering if we could ask you a question about your friend."

She looked at them confusedly thinking who could they possibly mean.

"You know, that first year your always hanging around with." a girl with curly long hair clarified.

"Oh you mean Byul-ah? What about her?"

"Yeah that girl. Well you see..."

"There are rumors going around and we think you might want to stop hanging out with her."

Yongsun furrowed her brow in confusion."What rumor?" 

"Well we heard it from the first years but that girl, Byulyi you said her name was? She's not normal."

"Yeah you better get away from her while you can."

"Just thinking about it makes me want to puke, like seriously."

"Hey that's my best friend your talking about!" She was starting to get annoyed by her classmates. 

How dare they talk about Byulyi that way! As far as I know she hasn't done anything to them.

"Are you sure she only sees you as a friend? Nothing more?"

"What are you trying to say?" Her anger was slowly rising and she could feel it.

"We're saying that your friend is gay. Meaning she likes girls."

"W-what?" Yongsun was taken aback by that. "That's not true! Stop spreading lies okay!" 

"Hey come on Yongsun calm down. We're just watching out for you."

"Yeah we're your friends here. We wouldn't want you getting mixed up with those kinds of people, they're disgusting."

"But Byul's not like that!" She insisted. 

Byulyi's not gay, she would have told me!

"Well why don't you ask her then? But Yongsun, if it's true you should just stay away from her. I mean you don't want to be like her now do you?"

"She's a freak you'll be better off without her." 

After that conversation Yongsun started paying more attention to Byul's action towards her and other girls as well. She noticed how Byul constantly holds her hand, the way she hugs her tightly and even the few times she would catch her starring. Combined with her classmates constant snearing it made Yongsun uncomfortable with any physical contact she makes with Byul. She also started to notice how the other students would stare at them and the whispers that comes after. 

She started distancing herself away from her best friend. At first it was just the hand holding, or the way she quickly ends their hugs, she would even keep a relatively small gap whenever they were walking together. It even came to a point where she would make up excuses not to walk with her either to or from school. 

She knows she's being unfair to Byul and she does feel guilty every time she had to lie to the girl but what can she do? Her friends were constantly nagging her to ditch Byul saying she'll drag Yongsun with her and with the rumors going strong in their school she didn't want to be caught in the middle of it.

It didn't help that she knows Byul wasn't buying her excuses. She could see the hurt in her eyes. Every lie she told was met with a sad sort of smile which made her feel worse but she didn't stop. 

Then came that dreadful day. Byulyi was waiting for her at the school gate like she usually does. The younger girl was smilling brightly when she saw her and it tugged at Yongsun's heart knowing she has to break that smile again. She slowly approached Byulyi with a smile that she hopes was convincing enough.

"Hi unnie." she stated excitedly. 

"Hi."

"Uhm unnie since it's Friday do you wanna come over to my house?" The younger girl said timidly.

"Huh?"

"Well it's just that we haven't spent much time together in a while," she said anxiously, "and I thought we could play that new video game that I got. What do you say?"

She was looking at Yongsun with such a hopeful expression it almost made Yongsun say yes. Afterall she does miss her best friend a lot. She was considering saying yes to her offer but as she was about to answer she caught a glimpse of the few student's around and it made her lose her nerve. 

"I'm sorry Byul-ah but I have a lot of work to do today. Maybe next time." 

She huriedly turned around to avoid the hurt look she was sure her friend was sporting and started walking away.

"Did I do something wrong unnie?"

That stopped Yongsun from her tracks and looked back at her friend. She was still standing at the same spot she had before only this time she was looking at Yongsun with such heartbreak it took Yongsun by surprised. She wanted so badly to just hug her like they used to but seeing there were still people walking around she decided against it.

"Byul-ah come on, if your not going to move soon I'll leave you here."

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"Byul that's ridiculous I'm not avoiding you. I'm literally here."

"Your physically here but I know your miles away unnie. And please don't lie to me, it hurt the first few times you did it so please just give me an honest answer."

Yongsun was rendered speechless at that. She knew she should have seen this coming but she was adamant on playing clueless and tried to coax the girl away from the topic.

"If this is about me not coming to your house today I told you I have a lot to do at home, why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"It's not just today and you know that! Just tell me what I did so I can make it right unnie." 

"Nothing okay! Why do you keep insisting that?"

"Because you're pulling away from me and I don't know why."

Her anxiety got the better of her and before she could stop it she was already spitting out words she knows she should take back.

"My life doesn't revolve around you okay! If I want to spend time with other people there's nothing wrong with that, so stop acting like a jealous boyfriend because your not!"

"U-unnie?"

"You wanna know why I've been so distant lately? Fine I'll tell you. It's because your suffocating me."

Stop that's not true.

"I know we're friends but we don't have to be with each other 24/7 it's irritating."

Lies, lies, you know those are lies.

"And your constantly touching me whenever you feel like it!"

Your hurting her.

"If you like girls like that then don't look at me because I'm not. That's disgusting and I don't want any part of it!"

Yongsun didn't wait for a reply, she immediately turned and walked away without looking back at the girl. After that incident Byulyi kept her distance. It was like they never knew each other. They were in the same school, they take the same way to and from school but they never seem to cross paths anymore. Her classmates noticed that she wasn't hanging around Byulyi and when she said she already cut ties with her they seem to be ecstatic and were openly dissing the girl in front of her.

Yongsun went on for months without speaking to her so called best friend and it was killing her inside but she had to keep up her appearance. The rumors got a lot worse soon after and she could hear people talking bad about Byulyi and even going as far as bullying the said girl. Until one day she saw Byulyi walking towards her on the hallway and what she saw shocked her. 

The younger girl looked so different. Gone was the girl who had such a bright face Yongsun thought could light up the sky. Her cheeks were hollow and it seemed like she lost a lot of weight; she looked so thin that Yongsun was worried she'll fall any second. The smile she always had on her face was also gone and she was pale, really pale. Yongsun was about to pull her aside to ask what was wrong but when she got close enough Byulyi just went pass her not even glancing her way. 

I did that to her.

She kept on staring at the girls back until she couldn't see her anymore. She knew she had to talk to her again, find out if she's okay because she is worried. Despite the fact that they're no longer talking to each other she still cared for the girl and seeing her look so broken, especially because she knows she's one of the cause for it, made her want to make amends but she didn't.

"That was the last time I saw her." Yongsun recalled, "I wanted to run and apologize right away but I was a coward. When I finally did get enough courage to talk to her it was too late. I waited for her on the same road we always take but she didn't come so I thought I missed her and decided I'll talk to her in school, I didn't care about anyone anymore but she wasn't there as well." She felt tears leaking from her eyes but she didn't bother wiping them away.

"She didn't come on the next day too so I got worried and went to their house but no one was there. Their neighbour saw me outside the house waiting and told me that they moved and wasn't planning on coming back." Yongsun was full on sobbing now. Thinking back to the horrible things she did, it was probably right for Byulyi never to talk to her again.