Pressed against Hyunjin’s sleeping body, Heejin peppers kisses across the back of her shoulders.

Her own eyes threaten to close - Hyunjin’s warmth never fails to make her sleepy and content - but she keeps them open. She wills them to memorise every inch of Hyunjin, things that others might find insignificant. Things like how the mound of Hyunjin’s stomach rises and falls to her breathing, or how her hair looks splayed against her sheets, and how sweet and soft Hyunjin’s sleeping expression appears.

Most importantly, she makes herself memorise how Hyunjin makes her feel. The little flutters that erupt in her stomach whenever Hyunjin surprises her with a kiss on the cheek. The warmth that envelops her body whenever Hyunjin holds her in her arms. The safeness and security Heejin only ever feels around her.

Heejin’s afraid that while she’s gone she might forget.

Gone. 

Even the word feels wrong. The thought that she’ll soon be far away from most of her friends is upsetting. In the few short months she’s spent here, she’s grown attached to all of them. She’s gotten used to going to school and hearing their laughter and teasing words, and grown to expect and look forward to seeing them. Leaving them behind will definitely hurt.

But leaving Hyunjin? That’ll be heartbreaking.

Of course, Heejin wants to stay forever. She wants to spend her all her days with Hyunjin until they are old and withered, to stay and make a happy life for herself in this rundown town. But she knows that would be impossible.

Just two days ago, she had replied to BlockBerry’s offer, explaining that she didn’t really know whether or not she wanted to join. In return, BlockBerry Creative not only offered Heejin a spot in their training roster, but also housing in their dormitory in Seoul. Not only was it close to her sister, but it provided Heejin with an excuse to leave her hellhole of a house. How could she refuse that offer?

She had told her parents almost immediately, but she didn’t know the way to break it to Hyunjin. How do you tell the girl you promised forever that you’ll be leaving her behind?

Because of this, Heejin’s been spending ever more of her time over at Hyunjin’s house, wanting to make as much out of the time they have left together as possible. She wants to give them as much time as possible - time to make happy memories that Heejin can cherish in their time apart.

They go out almost daily, visiting their favourite places around town after school or on the weekends.

They’ve been going to the ice cream parlour so frequently that the owner even put Hyunjin’s framed picture on their wall for eating a record amount of the infamous ‘Chili Banana Split’. Heejin’s pretty sure she’ll never forget the look on the old man’s face as Hyunjin scarfed the entire thing down and asked for another - second only to the look on his face when Hyunjin told him that his recipe “needed a little more spice”.

And of course Heejin treasures the small silent moments they share down at the beach. Ever since Heejin brought it up, they’ve been planning a trip overseas. Even though it was originally Heejin’s idea, Hyunjin’s been excited about it, sometimes texting her in the middle of the night listing off landmarks they could visit and various places they could go sightseeing.

It’s been a joy-filled few weeks, but Heejin can’t help but feel guilty seeing Hyunjin so happy. Her heart aches at Hyunjin’s wide smiles. After all, how could she let herself be fully happy when she sees a timer on their happy times, one that Hyunjin is wholly unaware of. A timer on their whole relationship.

Hyunjin stirs a little in her sleep, shifting slightly into Heejin. Heejin brings her hand and rests it on Hyunjin’s back, tracing letters onto Hyunjin’s clothed skin. I love you. As soon as Heejin finishes the ‘u’, Hyunjin’s lips curve into a smile and she moves even closer, almost as if she could tell what Heejin bad been writing.

Across the small bed, Heejin’s phone vibrates. She tries to stretch her arm to reach it, but with Hyunjin resting on her and limiting her movement, she can’t reach far enough. Her movements eventually make Hyunjin wake up.

“Why are you moving so much?” Hyunjin murmurs, practically still asleep, “you’re such a ty pillow.”

Usually, Heejin would let her sleep a little longer, but since it’s reaching 10, she decides that Hyunjin’s nap has gone on for long enough. “Can you read my messages, babe? I can’t reach my phone.”

“Lazy,” Hyunjin says, scoffing. She complies nonetheless, opening Heejin’s phone with practised ease. Heejin’s passcode is easy enough to remember, Hyunjin’s name in number form - H Y U N turning into 4 9 8 6. “It’s from Haseul-unnie.”

She wipes at her still bleary and heavy-lidded eyes, not noticing how Heejin moves to grab the phone from her.

“Excited for Seoul?” Hyunjin reads off. Her voice still has a hint of sleep in it and she yawns a little. In her hand, the phone lights up yet again and again, Hyunjin reads it aloud. “When are you packing?”

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion as moves into a sitting position. “Heejin, why would you be going to Seoul?”

Heejin’s too shocked to say a word, staying silent as she watches Hyunjin put the pieces together. Slowly, Heejin sits up as well, wanting to be face-to-face with her. Hyunjin’s eyes widen with realisation, any trace of sleep now completely nonexistent.

“You got accepted, didn’t you?” Heejin can’t really read the tone of her voice - it isn’t accusatory enough to be biting, nor is it angry enough to be chilling. She just sounds… hurt.

Heejin nods.

“So you’re leaving?”

Again, Heejin can only nod.

“When were you going to tell me?”

“I-- I don’t know.”

“Were you ever going to tell me? Were you just going to leave without saying a word?”

Again, Heejin’s silent.

“What the , Heejin?” Now, traces of anger become evident in Hyunjin’s voice, her tone becoming more aggressive with each word. “How could you hide something like this from me?”

Unexpectedly, Hyunjin stands up and she turns away from Heejin. Heejin’s phone is still clutched in her hand, and Heejin watches as her grip clenches around it.

Heejin’s mouth abruptly opens to explain herself but she falters on the words. Because she has no explanation. “I didn’t know how to tell you, I--” she says, trying and failing to put her thoughts in order.

“What was that ing trip all about? Why? Were you bringing my hopes up just so you could drag them back down?” She’s shaking slightly now, her arm raised as if she’s about to throw Heejin’s phone to the ground.

Heejin rests her hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder in an effort to calm her down. “We can still--”

“No, we ing can’t, Heejin!” Hyunjin turns around sharply, jerking her shoulder away from Heejin’s touch.

Something in Hyunjin’s scowling face and clenched fist reminds Heejin of her father and it scares her. Hyunjin’s outburst is all too similar to the exact thing Heejin wants to leave behind. Most terrifying of all is the cold look in Hyunjin’s eyes.

“You’re- you’re gonna be halfway across the country… without me.” The way Hyunjin’s voice breaks at the last syllable makes Heejin’s heart ache, especially when the cold look is immediately replaced with the sheen of tears.

It kills her, how betrayed and disappointed Hyunjin looks. Heejin didn’t mean for things to end up like this and yet somehow she had hurt the person she cared about more than anything.

“I just, I didn’t want you to hate me.” Before Hyunjin’s tears have the chance to fall, Heejin starts to sob, the guilt that has been eating her up for weeks now reaching its peak. “And now you do and I- I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin’s shoulders untense and she immediately bridges the gap between them, stepping forward to comfort her. Hyunjin absently raises her hand, tracing Heejin’s tear-streaked cheek with a careful finger.

“Hey, I could never hate you. I’m angry, sure, but-- I don’t hate you. How could I hate the person I love most in the world?” Her words are soft now, filled with the love and affection Heejin no longer thinks she deserves.

Heejin’s crying only intensifies at this. The thought that she had hurt the girl that loves her so much… it’s overwhelming, to say the least. It takes everything in her not to break down and crumple into a little ball of guilt.

“I th-thought you wouldn’t want me to go,” Heejin admits, her words jerky as her sobs still rack her body. “I was e-even considering turning down the offer--”

“Heejin, are you crazy? You’ve wanted this for longer than you’ve known me.”

“So?” Heejin says, scoffing as she shakes her head. “You’re more important than anything, Hyunjin. If you told me not to go…” she pauses, sniffling.

“You’d give up your dreams for me?”

Heejin can reply with nothing but the truth. “In a heartbeat.”

Hyunjin’s arms pull her in, enveloping her in a strong embrace. As soon as Heejin feels her familiar warmth, something inside of her fills with comfort and her tears cease falling. It’s simultaneously perfect and unbearable, it’s something that Heejin’s been desperately needing and her downfall.

In it, Heejin can feel just how loved she is. Hyunjin pulls her in close as if holding her isn’t quite enough, as if she never wants to let go. Heejin hates it.

“Why does this feel like a goodbye hug?” Heejin says, murmuring into the fabric of Hyunjin’s sweater.

“Because I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to be the reason why you’re not out there fulfilling your dreams.” Hyunjin presses a kiss into her hair and sighs. “I just wish you told me about this earlier.”

“And I wish I didn’t have to go without you.”

“Hey, you’ll never be without me.” Hyunjin pulls away then to look into Heejin’s eyes, her forehead pressing against Heejin’s. “You’ll never lose me, remember?”

Heejin wants to believe her.

Heejin wants to believe that no matter what happens it will always be the two of them against the world, that no distance, no struggle, nothing could keep them apart. But when Hyunjin presses her lips to hers in a soft kiss, it feels like it’ll be the last. And when Heejin feels wetness on her cheek from Hyunjin’s eyes, she feels like Hyunjin knows that as well.

Heejin rests her hands lightly on the back of Hyunjin’s neck, parts her lips, and lets her tongue glide against Hyunjin’s teeth. She pushes Hyunjin - just slightly - until the backs of her knees reach the edge of her bed and they fall down onto the mattress.

Lips still connected, Heejin makes her way onto Hyunjin’s lap and slips her hand underneath the sweater separating her from Hyunjin’s bare skin. She smiles as Hyunjin shivers slightly. After all, if this is going to be their last kiss, why not make it memorable?