Taking turns ; to keep our hopes up

Today was one of my day offs and my mom took the opportunity to give me a long list of errands to run “ since you’re the only one in Seoul right now. Please Ally for mummy “ . Argh. I hate hate hated do things that required me to travel out of the city. Top priority was to get out to Busan and visit her old neighborhood with the bunch of things she had sent over. My mother came from a not so well to do family, but she worked hard and eventually carved out her own piece of sky. The tiny neighborhood in Busan was one she grew up in , her memories just like the stories she shared were endless. If my memory does not fail me I think I remember being there before when I was little maybe around 11 or 12. Though going back now might just be a different experience all together. Wonder if they would remember me , the little 은미 ( Eunmi ) I use to be . She always sent things like warmer blankets and some winter wear so that they could pull through. Mum always said that during the worst winters they would be so cold they could not move and you could feel life slowly leaving you bit by bit.

I dumped the last box of things into the boot of the taxi and left. Full scale winter was just around the corner and the weather was getting chillier by the day. The train station was jam packed with people tourist and locals alike. I purchased the last two tickets for the first class cabin ( it was an agreement with mum about my personal space ) and headed straight for the tracks. Two hours from now I would be in the warmer part of the country. Busan filled with big beaches and fresher air.

There were a bunch of fan girls gathered by the departure doors so I assumed there was a live show happening out of Seoul, though I don’t remember hearing of one. The train is packed and I am more than glad to have an empty space next to me. Just to breathe.

_______________

My taxi stops in the middle of a street half way up the hill .

“ This is the address you gave me miss, will you be getting off here? “ I nodded hurriedly and payed up while he unloaded my box and bag off the car. He drives off and I realized I am going to have a hell of a time trying to get out to the main city centre.

My hands struggle up the hill and I reach an all familiar door. I always remembered it as a kid , its old ts and its bright blue colour.

“ 할머니! ”

There are footsteps and some rustling before she pulls the door open. Her eyes light up and they look like christmas lights despite her age. Full of life and vigor. She was the one who made sure people in the village took care of themselves and had enough to eat ofter forgoing her own meals for them.

“ Eunmi-ah , you’re here it must have been such a long tiring journey from Seoul. I told your mother we could make it through this winter with what we had the last time. But she is so kind your mother. ”

“ Its okay ! I needed the fresh air anyway.” “ Ahh just leave it here, I will get my grandson to bring it in. He is here on a break from work, you use to play as kids when you were young. Do you remember ? ”

“ Yi Fan Oppa? ”

She nods excitedly. Yi Fan was a scratch in my childhood. We use to run off to discover new things when we were younger. He’s four years older than me. I always use to say that I wanted to marry him. He was the guy that took care of me protected me. Then somewhere during those visits. I told my mum that maybe “ I fell in love ”. She laughed at me and smiled. It happened once when we were playing by the water breakers. I love to go there and pick little seashells or just enjoy the cool air.  I can’t remember how it happened but I was walking along the breakers and then I slip. My mum says I fell deep under water and Yi Fan jumped in after me. The water was freezing but he didn’t spare to think twice. He pulled me out unconscious and carried me close to him trying to warm me with his own body heat. I’m spared not without a few scratches and bruises. He comes down with a sever cold almost pneumonia. The adults rush him to the hospital and I go along. I don’t remember the rest. My mum says its painful so I don’t ask. After that he became my entire world.

But he disappeared one Autumn. There was a big commotion amongst the adults once we reached. I still don’t know what they talked about. Yi Fan had left and I never saw him since then. Its been ten years. I do think about him. His smile, his laughter. They way he would run his fingers through my hair and look at me. My mum says I might never see him again but not be disappointed. I don’t think its disappointment that I feel, I think its a little like heartbreak. He left me one thing. A little chain that I hold dear and wear all the time. Maybe he’ll see me on the streets one day and recognise it. Recognise the little Eun Mi that he forgot about.
Her house is cozy and quaint. She gently pushes me towards a room upstairs and tells me its mine for this weekend. I wrap my arms around her tell her thank you because the room is beautiful.

The front gate rattles while I settle in. Ten years. Its been so long and I’m not sure how he looks like or how to talk to him anymore. Maybe it’ll come back like it was yesterday. Maybe everything will be different. Halmoni pulls me by the hand and I follow her back out .

“ Yi Fan ah ! Eunmi is here. “ I step out from behind the door and my smile drops.
“ Hey . ”

The man in front of me steps forward and I take two steps back. Halmoni had already gone to the kitchen telling us she’s making tea.

“ Eunmi , please ”

Was this some kind of sick joke

Not wanting to hear anything at all , I slip my shoes on push past him. He drops the box by the door and reaches out to catch my wrist. “ Eunmi please just wait for me I’ll put this in and we’ll go somewhere to talk ”

I shake my head and struggle out of his grip. “ Don’t act like you know me , I don’t know who the hell you are. ” His eyes furrow together pleading. Then I do the only think I know best. I run.

Its been him. Yi Fan had been him and he was right in front of me all this while but he never said anything. He never mentioned anything