Late Confession by dana2083
Neverland Review Pick-Ups
Title of the Story [3/5 points]
- Sorry for that ^_^ I always give low scores for story titles since all of them are ALWAYS so cliche. But nothing is original these days, so I can't really blame you. I'm not very into sad/angst stories and your title told me that it was sad/angst story so I don't really think I would've clicked it. But that's just opinion on the title... I learnt not to judge a book by its cover :D
Poster and Background [4/5 points]
- I'm not bashing the artist or anything, but I think he/she could've used a different picture for the girl on left since her head stops as a square :/ And the font for the credits didn't appeal to me much either. He/She should have used a font that looked droopier/more depressing. Overall, I really like the poster (:
Foreword [8/10 points]
- Your author notes were placed correctly. Well done.
But remove all this;
I could be the one that is standing next to him...
I could be the one linking his arms...
I should be the one saying "I do"...
I could be the one recieving the ring...
I could be the one that is getting married to him...
But I couldn't be the one because of my stupid late confession...
And put it in your description instead.
Description [7/10 points]
- I highlited the mistakes/un-appealing words/Typos, etc;
Minyuong had loved Myungsoo ever since they were in middle school. She had always wanted to confess to him, but she was too shy. Now that they were in their last year in high school, she gathered all her courage and confess to him, but it was too late...
Minyoung had loved Myungsoo ever since they were in middle school. She had always wanted to confess to him, but she was too shy. Now that they were in their last year of high school, she gathered all her courage and confessed to him, little did she know that it was too late...
Originality [10/10 points]
- I have to admit, one-shots like these end up being two-shots with the guy running away from the best friend/girl he's supposed to get married to because he realize's at the last minute he loves our heroine. Did that happen? No. Which is why I gave you a ten out of ten. (sings 2PM! XD) Also because you kept your word. It was a one-shot not a two-shot (:
Plot, How your story goes [24/25 points]
- I can practically list out the plot if you didn't add the twist at the end.
Girl likes guy ever since ** school.
Girl's best friend says "Go for it! Confess to him."
Girl confesses.
Guy rejects her because he's dating her best friend.
She goes to her best friend and yells, "WHYY??!!!"
Best friend says she's liked him longer than the girl.
Girl says "It's ok. I'll get over him."
We skip to a few years later.
Guy and best friend are getting married.
They invite the girl.
Girl says "OK!" and acts all excited when she's upset.
During the wedding day, the guy realizes that he actually loves the girl. The best friend and the guy get married which leaves our heroine alone and makes readers want a sequel! :D
You are brilliant! ^_^
If you do make a sequel, please don't use the boring plot that I've stated above where the heroine ends up with her one and only love. Make her meet another guy and maybe her best friend falls in love with that other guy? Then it that case, it wont be cliche if the heroine and guy end up together.
Spelling, Grammar and Vocabulary [9/15 points]
- Since this is an one-shot, I'll point out ALMOST all the mistakes. I'll skip some, though.
Always remember your fullstops. You tend to forget to add the fullstop at the end of quotations.ALOT.
Wrong; "Minyuong-yah!" my friend Seoyeon, shouted at me.
Correct; "Minyoung-yah!" my friend, Soyeon shouted.
You don't shout at people. You shout. You spelt Minyoung's name wrongly so typo right there. And you put your comma at the wrong place.
Wrong; "You always say that" Seoyeon pouted.
Correct; "You always say that..." Seoyeon pouted.
Wrong; She gave me confidence to confess, so I decided to confess.
Correct; She gave me the confidence to confess, so I decided to confess.
Wrong; Few Days Later
Correct; A Few Days Later
Wrong; "I liked you ever since we were in middle school, but I just couldn't confess because I was scared that you might reject me.Now since that this is our last year in high school, I want to tell you my feelings" I said, embarrased.
Correct; "I liked you ever since we were in middle school, but I just couldn't confess because I was scared that you might reject me.Now that this is our last year in high school, I want to tell you my feelings" I confessed.
Wrong; "I'm sorry but, I already have a girlfriend" he said sadly.
Correct; "I'm sorry, I already have a girlfriend" he said sadly.
Wrong; M-my friend? W-when did you guys? a tear rolled down my cheeks.
Correct; "M-my friend? W-when did you guys get...together?" a tear rolled down my cheek.
A tear rolled down her cheek right? It should be cheek not cheeks since it was only A tear. And where's the quoatation mark? Also, what does " when did you guys" mean?
Wrong; "I'm sorry" he smiled and patted my shoulders and left.
Correct; "I'm sorry." he gave me a sympathetic look and left.
My Myungsoo is such a jerk! Who smiles while patting the girls' shoulders and just leave? Leaving is no problem but smiling at her? God. Never use two ands in the same sentences. It turns out weird.
There are other mistakes, but copying and pasting makes me so tired -_________-'' I'm sorry that I wont state the other mistakes. Please PM me if you want to know the other typos/errors/mistakes/etc.
Characterization [3/10 points]
- Since this a one-shot, characterization is usually not very important. Though, it would be very nice if there was SOME characterization. Sorry for the low score. All I got was;
Myungsoo = Jerk. Smiles after he dumps girls. (Can't believe I called my Myungsoo a jerk TT____TT)
Seoyeon = Liar. Didn't tell Minyoung that she was dating Myungsoo.
Minyoung = A person that cannot move on.
Ending [9/10 points]
- Tragic + me = disaster
Well, usually. But this was very creative so thumbs up! ^^
Total of [77/100 points.]
Dang it. If I didn't calculate the total score, you would've gotten 82 points (for me). But I DID count the total score... So not much to say there.
Keep up the good work! I subscribed just incase you decided to make a sequel XD
-sarxkyu-
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