Far Apart by Helloimqee
Neverland Review Pick-Ups
Title of the Story [2/5 points]
- The title is EXTREMELY cliche... but I can't blame you, nothing is original these days. If I were to see the title of the fanfiction, I don't think I would bother clicking it. But that's just my opinion. Others may think differently (:
Poster and Background [5/5 points]
- The way the poster was blended is amazing! The background fits the genre of the story perfectly. The poster was made by an artist at this store so thumbs up to that person! The poster is eye catching and would almost be perfect if it wasn't for the texts used... I think the artist should have used an even more angstier font for the quote. But that didn't effect the perfect score ^_^
Foreword [Not counted]
- No foreword? Remove all your author notes/credits and place them at the foreword instead.
Description [5/10 points]
- Your 'story plot' is actually just a summary NOT a story plot. A story plot would be the whole story -from how it starts to where it ends-
Also, What do you mean by
will she forget Junhyung? Or just being single and depressed?
Broken English + What?
What? = I thought she met another guy? Why should she stay single and depressed with the 'other guy' around? -.-
The summary has some REALLY bad English. You can replace it with mines, if you like;
The story stars a young girl who goes by the name of Bang Woori who has in a relationship with a popular star, Yong Junhyung.
Day by day, they became more and more distant and their love started to shatter apart. Will their relationship be the same as how it was before?
What if Woori meets another guy? A guy that makes her feel more warm and comfortable? Will she forget Junhyung or move on withhim.
See what I did? the him gives it twist. Don't let your readers know yet who him atually is.
Originality [4/10 points]
- Usual plot... Not much to say but it lacks in originality -__________-"
Plot, How your story goes [10/25 points]
- Normal girl meets guy.
They fall in looooovveeee ~~~ <333
The guy/girl is busy which leads to a break up.
The guy/girl apologizes, and they get back together.
Then comes in our antagonist, Goo Hara.
Girl says I dated him first.
Hara says "No! I did! "
They fight.
They realize that Junhyung cheated on them.
Then she meets him.
Junhyung gets jealous.
Hara does nasty stuff to the girl.
Girl realizes she loves Junhyung more... happy ending! :D
See? I only read like six chapters and I can practically tell the whole plot... be more creative next time! You could also put some twists such as, Myungsoo starts to fall for Hara, etc.
Spelling, Grammar and Vocabulary [6/15 points]
- I'm guessing that English isn't your first language? ^^
I'm to lazy to point out your mistakes. PM me if you want any help, I'll be happy to beta/proof read your story (:
Also when you put the song lyrics in the first chapter, don't add all those oh oh oh's and eh eh eh's... it seems unappealing...
Characterization [2/10 points]
- Is Bang Woori actually Go Woori from Rainbow? She's friends with Jaekyung and Jisook whom are from Rainbow so it would be weird if she's NOT from Rainbow... I'm pretty sure Woori had some scandals with both Junhyung and Myungsoo as well? >.> (She has a scandal with MY Myungsoo.... TT__TT)
I didn't really like the characters except for Myungsoo, because;
Woori: The normal herione. Boring.
Junhyung: The ex. Boring.
Hara: The . Boring.
Myungsoo: The energectic and sweet one. Not to mention a gentleman :D Or maybe I'm just being biased, I don't know ;_;
Ending [Not counted]
- No ending.
Total of 39/80 points. Equivalent to 59/100 points.
Don't give up! You can do better, I know you can! (:
The only thing that you actually lack is the characterization, plot and grammar, otherwise, it's fine. I would suggest you to read LittlePetalBracelet's character tutorial, but her account is deactivated. For your grammar, go read Music chibi's Hello, Grammar! Howdy, Tips! How you doin'?
You're on hiatus? Please remember to post up the review as soon as you're back ^_^
-sarxkyu-
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