I got out of the train with woozy legs, unbalanced; and entirely too uncoordinated. I couldn’t exactly swallow the fact I was here, in Busan, a few miles closer to my dad and my twin.

The entirety of the trip, I couldn’t stop thinking about my rash decision; and whether I should have went to a suburban place where no one could find me at all, all by myself, living a life of solitude that would be actually my choice. My whole body felt jittery when I descended the stairs of the train; looking around me with wide, alert eyes, checking for any sort of danger towards me. Usually when I’m overly nervous, I tend to zone out everything around me, even apparent signs of danger that anyone with blind eyes would have been able to tell.

I didn’t need to be anxious.

Why was I anxious, even?

Well, maybe because I haven’t seen the most important figures of my life for eleven years, and I’m about to walk straight to their lives; while holding a big possibility to ruining something good they could have in their lives over my shoulders. What if my father already has a new family that my twin is a part of, but I’m not? Would it ruin things? What if no one of his family members knew I existed? The worst thing was, what if my own father and twin had moved on from me? It wasn’t like my mother gave them that much of a choice.

Deep down, I wished my dad had taken me away from her. I wished he had fought more.

But it was all wishful thinking. I knew there was something inside of me that longed to.. belong somewhere, especially around my twin; whom I could feel his connection to me by magic, buzzing through my roots; reverberating through my body healthily. I wasn’t sure if he felt the same, since what I had for him was because of my magic, and I don’t know if he too was magical like I was to feel me as well.

I headed out of the train station with a black cloud around my head, forcing the jitter off of my legs, and walking through shops around in search for a local map I could buy, so that I could trace my father’s new house with my magic.

Busan was buzzing with people, tanner than the ones at my hometown, but similar to everything else. I have thought leaving would be a great challenge, and meeting new, exotic culture would be the reason for my fears; but as I observed every single person around me, every glittery window shop, every car; I realized it wasn’t that different at all, and that realization eased me, evaporating the anxiety away from my body.

Once I got ahold of an in-depth, local map, I went to a darker alleyway between two buildings, where I could be alone and be able to use my magic freely. I softly landed my duffle bag in a spot where it wasn’t dirty, and sat my bum on top of it. The weight of my body squeezed all of the air out of it, and it gently deflated under me. I couldn’t help but smile a little, spreading the map on top of my thighs and trying to contain it within my perimeter. It was a large piece of paper after all, and it spread along my body messily.

I took out the envelopes that my dad had sent nine years ago, a bunch of black charcoal pens, and then tried to do the same thing I did at my house without losing balance of everything I had in my hands. But, it seemed to be useless, and so I eventually had to place the map on the ground with a huff to complete the spell.

Once I was done chanting, a street started to faintly glow golden, highlighting the entire map with a glitch of light. The street was long and intricate, and the glow kept following the lines I need to walk until it stopped at an intersection linking to a deep, lush forest. I instantly raised my eyebrows in wonder. Who would have thought my father would be living amongst the trees? I never really knew my father that much, but what were the odds he was into woods?

I sighed through my nose and packed my things quickly inside my duffle. The glow ended right on the intersection, and so it meant he lived there, with a house and all. The maps I bought didn’t really show houses, so I’d have to take a wild guess with that.

I hailed a cab, forced the taxi driver to lead me there for free - using magic - and sat down on my seat.

My legs started to jitter again.

-

“Thank you.”

I bowed to the taxi driver deeply after I got out, ignoring his bewilderment with the action. I was deeply affected by the fact I kept robbing people of their choices and money, and if the least thing I could do was give an apology, then I’d do it.

The taxi was soon gone and I was left alone. I tabbed my thighs with my fingers, the weight of my duffle bag tight and insecure around my left shoulder; but I didn’t pay it attention. A big house was behind me, with a back and front yard; but I didn’t dare turn around and drink into the details.

The map stopped me here and I knew this was their house, right at the end of the street; the last house standing, looking like a mesh between a cabin, and a castle. It was a weird combination but it was built to fight nature lurking right behind them; the forest, and it made the whole neighborhood look eerie. I was pretty sure I’d find owls if I used my magic. Owls were pretty good messengers for mages.

I took a deep, calculated breath between my chapped lips, them afterwards so they wouldn’t look extremely dehydrated in spite of that being the truth. I looked down at my clothes and started dusting invisible dust from my jeans, scuffing my feet with my sneakers on the ground, and picking on my nails.

I was nervous, deadly so; and there was nothing in me that could blanket that anxiety away. All of my looming insecurities rushed back at me, in full force, and I was scared I’d crawl over myself and weep hysterically. I did not deserve such mental health, I did not deserve such mental scare. I deserved to be a part of this family, or at least I had deserved to be a part of this family. I’m not even sure if I would be allowed in, embraced with tears; or told to off. All I knew was that I was uncertain of my future; of what they’d do to me, and what I’d do after that.

I was just so.. uncertain.

I could feel something in the back of my head buzzing, like an annoying leech on my blood, a bug flapping its wings around my ears: my twin’s existence. He was here, strong and inviting. I had never felt the connection I had with him this strong. Before I discovered my magic, actually, I thought it was normal for twins to have a small feeling about one another, where they could tell if the other was close. But when I discovered my magic, everything made more sense. It wasn’t normal, what I felt for him, it was magical.

However, it was always so thin, so small, like a breathy whisper, or a faraway cry. I never gave it much attention, since I don’t know who he truly was (even if I cared to know) he was just.. there, in the pack of my head, always soothing, alive, and vibrant. But now, now it felt ten times more intense, more.. booming, like a ticking bomb that finally exploded. I felt it forcefully and all at once, to the point it was hard to breathe for a second.

I took gulps and gulps of much needed air and then, slowly like a broken clock, I turned around to face the huge wooden fences of the house that reached my stomach, and took a small step forward past it.

Instantly, I was attacked by a stench, a smell of wet, dirty, and rolled-in-mud dogs. I scrunched my nose, but I didn’t stop moving. The smell was highly familiar, as I had smelled it before in my life at least a dozen times. I actually smelled it nearly, with my mom before I left. She had smelt like a wet, rotten dog and I knew it was because of that man.

I couldn’t believe my own father and twin brother had that stench around their house as well.

Just before I took another step forward; the front door of the house came open, and afterwards stepped two, muscled men— or was one of them a young boy, my age specifically? I watched them with increasing heartbeats, the connection with my twin blaring alarm rings around my head as if I was just looking at him, right across, and I knew that he truly was across me, right beside the puff man twenty years older than him.

They were holding boxes of tools in their hands; the tools b out of the boxes and almost falling out. None of them seemed to pay attention to me, which was odd considering what they are. They could have smelled me from where I was standing, but they were so busy chatting and playfully nudging each other to pay attention to my smell and my whole presence.

I tightened my grip on my duffle bag, my knuckles turning white by the pressure I was unconsciously putting on the poor strap. My eyes drank their features, the puff forty-something years old guy looked nothing like me, or I looked nothing like him. He had gruff facial features, features of a guy that had lived for years and had gone through a lot of hardship a guy his age shouldn’t go through. There was a scar running along his arm, running through his black T-shirt sleeve and down to his elbow. It looked harsh, like a scar of a bear or a wolf; but it was faded slightly so it wasn’t that terrifying.

I was watching the gruff guy intensely, where I didn’t notice my twin, a tall, lanky guy with sharp, boyish shoulders that were drool-worthy; look at me curiously, finally noticing the strange little idiot watching them with agape mouth. He stopped moving further to tilt his head at me, wonderment flashing in his dark, mocha brown eyes. His pause naturally made his father pause as well, and his mocha eyes (both of their mocha eyes, actually) were on me, focusing, taunting; and waiting for explanation.

My heartbeats flared even more, sweat gathered around the palms of my hands; which I tried to discreetly wipe on my thighs over my jeans, trying - and failing - to muster a soothing smile up on my face. I didn’t own a friendly face, and so I wasn’t sure how a friendly smile should look like. I was pretty sure what I had on my face, however, was far from being gentle.

But still, I urged my legs forward, walking inside their vicinity and allowing my magic to buzz soothingly at the familiar feeling these men made me feel. My magic was in fact, a very violent, possessive one. It rarely ever warmed up to anyone and felt threatened by most people, just like its owner, myself. But my twin and my father evoked a different reaction out of it; a reaction only my mom was capable of withdrawing from me that I had forgotten the taste of. My mother’s scent, taste and presence was just always.. there, around me, even if her body was not, and so my magic purred soothingly at her, acknowledging her as someone un-predatory for me. But for my father, my twin; whom I just met.. it felt different.

I never really thought I’d ever feel this tender whisper of relief, comfort and appeasement from someone else, from strangers I didn’t spend so many years with. But while I took steps towards them, it made me realize that I, indeed, was staring at the other half of my family.

“H-hi,” I winced at the noticeable crack in my voice, mentally chiding myself for my ignorance. I practiced my greetings so much that I thought it’d slide out of my mouth smoothly. I guess I was wrong. “Um, I’m Hana, nice to meet you.”

I offered my hand in a handshake for my father, at first, since he looked deadly and absolutely threatening. He wasn’t gaping at me as well, like my twin was doing, which I didn’t know if I should be scared of or relieved. Probably in another situation, such focus on me would have been bad for me, but for now; his attention was highly appreciated. My father’s eyes looked so entirely brown and inviting that I could feel my legs losing feeling in themselves, and I was scared I’d end up buckling down from the pressure of them.

He didn’t take my hand, I already guessed he wouldn’t; but he wasn’t looking away from me either, not for a second. There was a sense of dread flashing in his eyes, and it was gone as soon as I caught it. Then, his eyes looked vulnerable, like the eyes of a father reuniting with his lost offspring which was ironic, considering it was our case. Seeing that he was just.. staring at me, I guided my eyes to my twin, forcing my extremely tight lips to release a smile.

“Hi, and you must be Sehun, my supposed twin. I am Hana.” Once again, as I expected, my hand was not shaken by him, and I didn’t even bother with it. I lowered my hand and joined it with my other hand, tugging on my duffle bag strings forcefully.

I looked at my father, and then at my twin, still trying to keep my imaginary cheerfulness to my words and my mouth. They looked, in spite of their frozen bodies, like they’ve just been presented with a demon of death, and like that demon was requesting for their souls. It wasn’t even funny. They looked.. traumatized, scared, and something within me cracked. I mean, I expected such reaction, but I didn’t expect it to.. hurt.. so much. I had allowed my mom the upper hand in causing me despair how many long years? I wasn’t going to allow my father and my twin the same.

“I’m not staying here,” I, once again, forced myself to give them a smile, drinking their facial features with my eyes and memorizing every curve and valley of their faces. “So you don’t have to look so terrified. I’m leaving, for good, so I decided I’d come see the better part of the family at first so I wouldn’t wonder how