I AM DONE WITH MY EXAMS SO I WILL BE UPDATING THIS MUCH FASTER THAN USUAL!

There was an utter silence that I was thankfully used to, considering when I lived with my mother Sophia, everything and everywhere was silent, the kind that swallowed you into an abyss of darkness. But encountering such deadly quiet between my father and my twin was unusual. No matter how used to silence I was, I wouldn’t want to associate something that brought darkness upon me with them.

It didn’t help that everyone were staring at me.

Perhaps Suho’s stare was the deadliest. He had on a pair of suspicious eyes, lips curled downwards into a small scowl, and his hands, that I couldn’t see under the table, were for sure tightened into fists. Why he was suddenly showing hostility to me was unknown, but I gathered he was a little unsure of what to make of me now, and there was his mother and baby brother sitting around me too. He’d rather be ready to attack if I decided to attack him or something. He was a little delusional but I wouldn’t disregard his carefulness. He should be.

Baekhyun, who was dragged into all of this and was sitting next to me; was as stiff as a log. The eyes that kept swiveling between him and I growing the tension upon his shoulders. He wasn’t a full Alpha yet so I knew his anxiety stemmed from that fact. If he were stronger, it’d be easier to swallow (or ignore) his anxieties until they disappear. Seeing his eyes avoiding theirs, I decided to lessen the horror that painted his face. It didn’t suit him to be so unsure of himself.

“Um, Baekhyun,” I leaned over him non-so-discreetly and whispered mockingly, my eyes on them and theirs on me. My father was frowning, catching up to my bottled mischievousness, while Sehun’s eyebrows flew to his forehead in surprise. “Are they all staring at me?”

Baekhyun’s ears perked at my voice and he discreetly tried to shoot me a look full of warning, his arms and shoulders still stiff and straight in his seat. I narrowed my eyes at him, and he cleared his throat, leaning towards me to be able to whisper harshly.

“You realize they can hear you, right?”

“You realize you’re ruining the fun, right?” I quickly shot back, eyeing him with unconcealed dissatisfaction. Realizing the small amusement hidden behind my eyes, he sighed and slouched back into his seat, a smile trying to break out of his lips. There, he was much better when he was relaxed and not completely out of his element. It didn’t fit him and honestly, it made me feel like he was not trying hard enough to be that same jerk that I met the first time. Not that I wanted that persona of his to resurface, but at least he had more confidence than this. He surely needed to work more if he wanted to be a strong Alpha one day.

Suddenly, while Baekhyun reclined back in his seat; I felt his soft hand trying to hold my hand under the table, but I quickly pushed him away and shot him a glare. He pouted back at me and I scowled. Did he really think it was a proper time to flirt and act like a sappy jerk? My heartbeats kept skipping over one another and I managed to take a deep, soothing breath inside my body. It was good the tension was surrounding everyone or they could read the cause of my increasing heartbeats. I couldn’t bear a small interaction with his skin when we were alone and unbothered, and he was trying to do it amongst this huge sphere of tension? What’s wrong in his head?

I was brought out of my sickly stupid thoughts by an equally stupid question from Suho.

“A mage, all along?” His eyes became even more suspicious if it was possible, and there was a small, light smirk on his face like he knew what was going on with Baekhyun and I. I wondered if he had seen our interaction under the table but decided to shrug it off. It didn’t matter what he saw and what he didn’t. Most of my cards were already turned around and exposed, I had nothing more to hide and I surely wasn’t going to hide Baekhyun.

“Yes, Suho, a mage.” I replied back in the same tone of ridicule the older boy used with me, my eyes narrowed and my lips curled into a cunning, dangerous smile. I saw his smirk disappear a little. “Why is that hard to swallow?”

“Maybe because you don’t look like one?”

“How the heck do mages look like?” I asked in surprise, blinking my eyes and then looking at Baekhyun in question, my eyes quickly falling down to my father and Sehun. Did mages have a look to their selves that indicated them from everyone? That would be a y plan to take. Why would a whole group of people dress the same to make their presence known? Mages were rare and rarity drove people mad. I wouldn’t want to be exposed to madness my whole life.

“More scary, more hairy, less young and less silent.” Suho pointed at his hair, his face and then his mouth with a full smile on his face. Perhaps my innocent surprise made him less hostile and less -y, and I scowled with burning cheeks. He was making fun of me. From beside me, I heard Baekhyun snort. “I’d have thought you resembled an elf with that height too.”

I glared at him and in my burning annoyance and irritation at being mocked, I felt my eyes burn a little, followed by an itching sensation: my eyes glowed golden. I sighed, raising my hand up to scratch them a little. Before anyone could comment about that; I pointed at my eyes with boredom.

“This is starting to happen a lot around you guys. You bring out the beast in me. I’m still not used to it and I don’t know how to control it.”

“.. so you’re a half wolf?” Sehun, who had been strangely calm and quiet, decided to ask. I quickly brought my hands away from my eyes to take a glimpse at him, everything inside of me that was growing hostile dwindling away into soothing gentleness. His face was expressionless by default, but there was a small tinge of redness in his ears, along with a small tick to his eyebrows in the middle. He was both embarrassed for not having suspected it, and annoyed for not being told. My magic released a damn melody at his focus, softening my harsh facial featured.

My voice became considerably soft when I found myself replying to him.

“No. I don’t think so.” I pinched my fingers together to show a small percentage. “I’m maybe a quarter, or less? I don’t know. It only started to happen because I came here. I think this place brought the wolf blood in me.” It was meant as a joke, to break the crackling flames around us (around my deadly silent Dad first) but the joke flew over their heads, unnoticed.

“So you’re more mage than wolf?” Sehun continued to ask in his normally tangible tone, and I nodded tenderly.

“Yeah.”

After that, Sehun didn’t ask anything more, but he continued to stare. Everyone continued to stare as if we’re in a museum and I’m a bizarre product. From the corner of my eyes, I could spot Baekhyun biting his growing smile away, making me frown and mentally scoff at the easygoing-self he suddenly became when no danger was assessed anymore. Dad, his wife, and Suho were all looking at me, whereas little Soekjin was sitting down in his mother’s lap, blubbering undigestible nonsense. I lifted my eyes upwards to meet my Father’s, and he tucked his chin downwards, a small sparkle of gold lighting up the iris in his eyes and then fading away. I gulped at the sharp intelligent behind those eyes of his, and finding myself beneath them; I felt exposed, raw, and weak. My heart fluttered and my magic hummed within me, urging me to open my mouth and speak to him.

“Are you..” I peeked down at my hands and then back at him. “...mad at me?”

My father broke out of his stare at my voice, and it seemed that my directed question brought him back from whatever melancholic memory lane he dropped himself in. His eyes grew sad once he registered my question, and he reached over for my hand that I kept clicking on the table and held in his hand. His hand, like the hand of any wolf who took care of a whole pack that wasn’t meant for him, was calloused and rough, with scars that ran over the inner side of his palm, and cropped fingernails. My hands looked the same, although a little softer; from practicing magic and from constantly holding charcoals to draw spells on the most random places ever. My heart raced, finally a similarity. Something that connected me to this man.

“No, sweetheart, we’re not,” his thumb caressed my hand and I looked down at it with discomfort and awe. I don’t think I’d be able to rid myself of the burning discomfort of skin-to-skin contact easily. “I just hoped you told us before so we wouldn’t be so surprised.”

“I don’t have an excuse.” I replied back, still looking at his hand touching mine until he just, took it away. I swallowed. “I just, well, I don’t tell people for the heck of it. I rather keep things for myself.”

Well, it wasn’t a lie. I don’t tell things just because I have too many to say. I have to have a reason, a purpose, a goal at least. If someone asked, I wouldn’t tell too. I don’t think it’s important to share things with others anyway. What were they going to do with the weight these things brought? It’d have been better if I swallowed them down myself, I was good at swallowing anyway.

“When did it happen?”

“What?” I snapped my head up at my dad with confusion painting my eyes. What was he talking about?

“When did it start to happen, when you found out you’re a mage? When you were a child, you didn’t show any characteristics of a wolf or a mage, but now you’re a mage? A powerful one?”

When I was a child, I was a simple human, one of the reasons my mom took me with her, because she herself was one in their eyes. But why did he phrase his question like that? Like they, my mother and he, were waiting for me to show some sort of magic blood or werewolf blood in me? I had always thought my father didn’t know my mom was a mage, that she was human, which was a big factor with me going to her and Sehun staying with him, but I guess he did know before what my mother was, didn’t he? It made more sense to know, because she was his wife one day. My mom wouldn’t be a big and hide a secret as big as this from her werewolf husband, right? My heart paced around my chest and I started to think of all of the possibilities that this could have brought.

“It happened a few years after Sophia and I left.” I answered softly, staring my hands and thinking. I tried to rip myself away from the cloud of doubts and thoughts suddenly warping my head, but I couldn’t. My dad had known all along that my mother had been a mage, and she him. Sehun probably knew of that too. Was I the only one who didn’t know? Was I the only one who had to go through secrecy and work my damn magic alone? Was that it? Was I the only one stumbling over my own two left feet and trying to make them work together?

“It was a small spark at the beginning,” I didn’t even know why I was explaining this to him, but maybe I wanted him and everyone else here to know how lonely it felt to be going through this by myself. “And I thought I was imagining it lighting up upon my fingers. The next time my fingers lit up with white light, it was powerful and harder to resist, so I believed. The next few days I found my mother’s magic books.”

“My mom was a mage too?” Sehun mumbled none so discreetly, looking at my father and I. My fingers stopped clicking over the table; and I slowly rose my head to stare at Sehun. His eyes were vulnerable and the arms he had crossed over his chest were now down, on the table. I was wrong, I was not the only one stumbling over my shadows. Sehun didn’t know too.

There was a dark shadow hidden behind his eyes, the eyes that held a spark of curiosity as well. My palms stretched forward, my fingers lying down calmly. I had wondered what the other side of our family was my whole life that I didn’t think Sehun would think about living without a mother too. Had he been as curious of her as I have been of my Dad? Was he wondering what life would have been if she was there taking care of him? Had he been wondering what kind of a person she was? He probably hated himself the first years of his life, thinking it was his problem his mother left. He might have Suho’s mom but was she always there? Did it stop him from wanting a real, genuine female to call mother?

I wanted to hug him, all of a sudden, and tell him I’d pull him out of this pit he fell into and then let him pull me out of it too.

“Um, yeah,” My Dad said nervously, looking at Sehun and then back at me. “She had always been.”

“I know you’re powerful but how powerful are you?” Sehun darted his eyes back at me, dropping the Sophia matter behind his head, maybe because he was growing vulnerable and everyone was able to see clearly through his indifference mask. I was happy to indulge him and drop the attention away from him, but Suho’s sarcastic reply made me stay quiet.

“Enough to make three grown wolves go unconscious with a click of her fingers apparently.”

“If Sophia didn’t know about you, then did you teach yourself how to do magic?” Thankfully, Sehun ignored the stupid college boy, a sparkle of irritation dwindling away as quickly as it lit up his face. I bit on a smirk at Suho’s pathetic pout.

“Yes.”

Suho’s, Sehun’s and even Baekhyun’s lips pursed into a small ‘oh’ sound and I found myself rolling my eyes. Was it so surprising that I taught myself how to do magic? Apparently, seeing how surprised they were, as if someone pulled the rug beneath their feet away. Males. I rolled my eyes again.

“How hard was it?” Baekhyun, who had been silent to allow us to have a family time or some , decided to ask, and I turned to him with a glowing smirk on my face.

“Enough to cause a few accidents and burn down my house a bunch of times.”

He shuddered, looking away, and I continued to smirk at him to make him uncomfortable until he reached his hand to my face to push it away. My smirk turned into a genuine smile and when I looked at my Dad and Sehun, they were staring at Baekhyun with a furrow to their eyebrows, whereas Suho was smirking. His mother, however, had a teasing glint in her eyes, but she didn’t say anything at all. She didn’t seem like a talkative person, nor did my Dad. How did they fill the void between them?

“You’ve never shown any signs of having magic or being a wolf like Sehun when you were little.” My father’s sudden words, sudden sound; brought us all to look at him, and my eyes grew curious, wonderment clearly flashing there. “Year by year we waited; until your mother and I thought you’re going to end up human. We didn’t mind, we were going to raise you among us and teach you to live between werewolves and mages individually. When your mom and I got divorced, we didn’t know who should take you with them.”

What?

“.... wow.” I managed to say with a weak nod with my head, a sudden piercing pain waking up in my chest and waving its hand at me. So that’s what happened? Neither knew what to do with me? It didn’t hurt at all. “I was an option no one wanted to take?”

“No,” my Dad quickly shook his head to redeem himself and my mother, his eyes flashing with vulnerability I was used to see in everyone’s eyes but him. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, since he looked sad enough for both of us. No one of guilt would look so sad by their actions. “You were a sickly child, weak and vulnerable. You had a severe allergy for silver and we didn’t think you’re going to survive. When you started to grow up, you began to become healthier, until you’re six years and the allergy has gone away.”

I don’t remember being a sickly child, but then again, I didn’t remember Baekhyun too until he told me of who he was and I started having dreams about him.

“The allergy is still here. It didn’t go away.” I replied back while looking away from him.

“We thought it was a normal allergy, but seeing your eyes golden back then.. you’re a part wolf too.” My Dad said in a soft voice as if to caress me into looking at him, recognizing the hurt his words lit up in me. I didn’t look back at him, I didn’t think I have the ability to do that right now. Especially not when there were more than two people looking at me. I decided to answer him without looking at him.

“I was a mage since I was small but being a part wolf only happened when I came here.”

“Just like this forest glowed up for your return, your wolf was awakened when it sensed a pack.” My Dad shared, nodding his head in realization. At his words, I snapped my head towards him, a small smile of amusement lighting up my face. What did he say?

“You? A pack?”

I just figured out I was a part wolf or having only minimal blood running within me and he was already associating me with packs? Me? With them? Did that even make sense? Would I want it to make sense?