Chapter 12 – Want Me or Not

Jungkook

“Okay, this has gone long enough.” Jimin called out while he fell on to the sofa next to me at the same time when V plunked his down on my other side.

“What’s up?” I gave them both my best ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ clueless face while doing my best to lock away the very disturbing and damn conflicting flashbacks that have been running through my mind on repeat for the last two days. I just couldn’t get over the look of hurt and betrayal on Mina’s face before she left me in that bathroom. Or the shock I felt when she kissed me, the way she reacted to me before I twisted it into something ugly. The way she had looked lying down underneath me, the taste of her. Years ago that had been my fantasy and she had felt just as good and even more than I could ever imagine.

“Spit it Jungkook.” V laid his elbow on my shoulder, leaning into my face. “You are being such a debbie downer right now.”

“Ever done something that made you realize what an you are?” I hadn’t meant to blurt it out and you could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed my question. The fact was, I didn’t want to take back what happened between us for anything, at least that first part when it had felt like a piece of paradise before I shot it all to hell. The way I treated after? I don’t think I have ever regretted anything as much as that.

“Say what?” Jimin gasped at the same time V asked “Like bad?”

Their shocked, wide-eyed looks on their faces would have looked comical if it wasn’t for the graveness of the current situation.

“This is about the other night isn’t it? Tell me you didn’t hurt her Jungkook.” Jimin’s voice broke at the end and he looked devastated while his eyes pleaded me to deny his accusation. I looked to my other side and V was surprisingly quite and subdued while he just stared off at the ground as if lost.

That would be a major yes. I mean you didn’t treat even a girl you despised the way I treated Mina. I took something by force from her. Lost in my anger, I had humiliated Mina with my words and then I had done the unthinkable. I knew damn well that if I had paused long enough for her to catch her breath she would have definitely pushed me away but instead I’d latched onto her and brought her to her end so harshly. She’d been so damn vulnerable and what I did was unforgivable. Was it considered abuse? The thought almost crushed me with how heavy it felt. What the hell have I turned into? I never thought I could do something so inhumane.

I was so damn confused at the way I had hurt her, the fact that I could even do such a thing. She had clearly wanted me. Her want had been loud and clear at the beginning and it had continued to build, until I shredded her with my words. I had thought about her like that, begging to come, begging and under someone else and I had lost it. She was mine damn it. I looked at V again and knew that the other guy I had imagined her with was V. The white-hot anger that pierced me at the thought was unlike anything I had felt before. It wasn’t until she was coming down from her high that I realized what I had done.

“I did something unforgivable.” I leaned forward, leaning over my knees. That had been her parting words to me too. I myself, wasn’t sure I could ever forgive myself for doing what I did to her.

“What happened?” V finally broke his silence.

“V.” Jimin reprimanded. We talked about a lot of things, had pretty damn zero secrets between us but it was clear that Jimin knew I would never disrespect Mina by talking about her like that. Even between us.

I felt myself being pulled around and suddenly Jimin was in my face, with a torn look of worry and anger on his face. “We taught you better than this Jungkook!”

“There was no way she would have rejected you.” V’s word brought Jimin back from his concern and he sat back again, running a frustrated hand through his hair. I’m not exactly sure what the conclusions that they were coming to by themselves but it was clear that they were both imagining the worst-case scenario. I didn’t correct them because I deserved it.

“How would you know?” Jimin sounded just as incredulous as I felt.

“Did she say no?” V asked looking skeptical of that ever happening.

“No.” I answered. Jimin sagged with relief on my other side at my denial. “But if I gave the chance to she would have.”

They both cursed under their breaths.

“Why did you do it?” V asked in the quite that followed yet again. “We’ve never known you to loose your cool, like ever.”

“I don’t know.” I admitted which was only half the truth.

“What’s your history anyway?” V questioned again. Jimin had asked me about the same countless times before when he only knew a hint of Mina after I spoke about her to him just once at a weak moment but I never talked about her again.  Now, for some reason I was feeling like a trip down memory lane, maybe because I needed a reminder about how much of a rotten prick I have turned out to be compared to who I was back then, so I talked. I told them the first time I saw her, the moment she declared me her friend, the times we leaned on each other. What we had was so ing precious to me but it was also ruined just now because of me.

“So you are here today pretty much because she pushed you.” Jimin deflated on to the sofa, shaking his head.

“One hell of a way to repay her for the way she looked out for you back then, my brother.” V whispered, again staring at the floor looking lost.

Yeah, one hell of a way indeed but V had no right pointing fingers. He had started this all in the first place.

“You shouldn’t have touched her.” I whispered but never looked up at V.

I felt him deflate next to me. “I never did Jungkook. I don’t know why you don’t believe me.”

I knew V, he was like a brother to me but I knew his reputation. I knew how he worked. There was no way he would have turned Mina down if she came on to him and in my eyes no one could resist someone like Mina. I didn’t fault V for what happened, I just hated the reality of the matter. I never felt good enough for her and even after seven years of success, all this money, all this fame but still she didn’t want me. The one girl I had ever loved and one look at V and she had gone after him.

I had been so sure she didn’t want me, despite the reaction I got when I in that hotel room. Surely she wouldn’t have gone after V if she was even the slightest bit attracted to me but then what the hell was her reaction in that bathroom. She was the one who asked me to kiss her. There was no mistaking the way she reacted to my touch. Damnit, I didn’t know what to believe anymore.

Mina

“Are you sure you’re holding up okay?” Alice asked looking concerned while we were waiting for our morning lecture to start, the professor was running late.

“I will have to be Alice.” I sighed. “I thought I was desperate before but I didn’t know what true desperation was like until I realized that even after knowing how humiliating it would be to face Jungkook again, I will still show up at the company to clean after him and his friends because I need the money.”

“Oh Mina.” Her lips trembled before she sniffed and blinked her tears away. Yeah we both couldn’t exactly afford to cry.

“How do you do it?” I asked speaking about the one topic we always stayed pretty damn clear off. I loved Jungkook, I wanted him, yet I was still reeling from the way he demeaned me. I can’t even imagine what it was like for Alice. She didn’t even know the people she had to sleep with. Did that make it easier? I thought not.

Her gaze remained stuck to the projector screen at the front of the lecture hall and I expected her to be silent but surprised me when she actually answered. “I feel like I die a little each time but honestly I’ve given up on myself a long time ago. Everything I do is for my brother and sister now.”

That just made me want to bawl my eyes out.

“Listen, be honest with me.” Alice was all serious when she turned to face me again. “Do you still love Jungkook? Even after what he did?”

Did I? I thought back to the hatred on his face when he practically called me a . Surely not? I felt like I didn’t even know him anymore. Was my feelings for him so fickle? Then I remembered the way he kissed my fingers, the way he hurt his own hand because he couldn’t take it that he had hurt mine, even accidentally. Oh how I wish it was that easy to stop loving him.

I looked up at Alice, my eye filling with unshed tears.

“You don’t have to say it out loud, that look says plenty.” She sighed. “Why don’t you face you’re feelings? Confess to him?”

“I can’t. Earlier it was because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship but now because he hate me.”

“Because of V?”

“Yeah, I know V told him right in front of me that we never actually slept together but Jungkook was really hurt by what we did.”

“But now you have no friendship to ruin because it’s already ruined.” I winced at Alice’s words. Yeah, isn’t that the bitter truth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound harsh but something’s are just too important to have regrets over later.”

“It stings that Jungkook thinks me capable of sleeping with his best friend Alice. He doesn’t exactly have a good opinion about me.”

Alice looked thoughtful for a second. “Think of it this way, if you walked in on Jungkook kissing me how hurt would you feel? What happened with you and V is no different.”

I felt like I wanted to throw up at even imagining that scenario. Ouch!

“I couldn’t bare for him to realize that V, someone so close to him, could betray him like that.” I whispered, feeling awful at the way I must have made Jungkook feel that time. It still didn’t excuse what he did to me, but at least I could understand the hatred he felt towards me.

“You and V both need to sit down with him together and make sure he understand that neither of you betrayed him, you were both just looking out for him.”

“Easily said than done. I doubt V would ever agree to help me.”

“Then we will find a way to convince V.” She shrugged like that was the most obvious answer. Um what?

“Like how?” I asked with a frown. What the hell was Alice on? She shrugged didn’t elaborate with an explanation. The professor finally turned up in a rush, putting a halt to that conversation but all throughout the lecture I was thinking about whether what I had done to protect V had been the right thing.

A/N: Do you guys think Jungkook deserve to be loved by Mina still?

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