3 months 4 days and 13 minutes.

The moon was high and the stars were bright, the cold air blowing slightly into my house because I left the window open. Why the hell I left my window open in the middle of the fall I don’t know? Maybe this is my way of torturing myself, making sure that I suffer and freeze to death. Still though, I don’t feel any cold, I just feel empty.

I lie on the couch like I have been for the past three months. I don’t dare to enter my room any more. I couldn’t even clean up the mess; I had to get people to clean it up. Oh god, the blood. Imprinted memories of her dead lifeless body surrounded by the vivid gory color of red flash into my mind. My body tenses, my breathing quickens, I yell out in fear. But there’s no point. I’m alone in this empty house, there’s no one here to help me.

I sit up and clutch my pounding head, tears slip out of my eyes in pain and it feels like the room is spinning. Have I gone mad? All I feel is emptiness but when my mind thinks of you I lose all emotion. Louder, louder, louder, I keep yelling and screaming. There’s no hope for me, “MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP, SOMEONE, PLEASE JUST MAKE IT STOP!”

Soon enough the pounding comes to a halt and the room slows to a stop, but the tears they just keep flowing. I have no control anymore, every day I cry because of you. I cry because you’re not here anymore, not here to look at me, to hold me. I cry because every second you’re not here is another second I’m still alone in this hell whole. I cry because I miss you and would do anything to get you back, to treat you like you should have been treated.

I lie back down and wipe my tears. “Life just isn’t worth living anymore.” I’ve tried killing myself but every time I try I don’t die. It’s either someone finds me and rushes me to the hospital on time or I’m on close watch so I can’t try anything. Life is cruel, that’s the only thing I know right now. I guess I could kill myself tonight, there’s no one here but not tonight. I don’t have the strength to do anything tonight. Maybe I’ll get lucky and a murderer might climb up my window and kill me. I wish.

I close my eyes and listen to the whistle of the wind, then soon enough I drift off and sleep. 

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Hello, to people who are reading this. 'If I Died' was just supposed to be a one shot but then it turned into a twoshot and now it's going to be an full story. 

 I changed a little part of the story so it is you (the reader) who has died, so I don't have to write she or her because I don't have a name for the character. So it's going to be you. This is going to be my write as you go story because I don't really have a clear veiw of how I want the story to end, so if you have any ideas of how the story should go or how it should end feel free to tell me. I'm completely open to ideas. 

Thanks for reading!