http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGWZUtfV3IU&feature=fvwrel

You say that if I leave you would cry and want me back, but I don’t think so. I think you would be glad that I would be walking out of your life. You wouldn’t cry, in fact you would do the opposite. How did we become like this? I still remember those days where you used to hold me tightly and refused to let me go. Now you seem to hate being near me. The so sweet sent you have is my only drug that puts me to sleep, though when I wake up it leaves me with heartache. But still I refuse to let you go.  I loved those nights where you and I used to cuddle by the fire place. Also I remember those beautiful songs you used to sing me. Those beautiful notes that used to be my lullaby, I wished to be sung those lullabies again. But you won’t, will you. When we looked deeply into each other’s eyes what did you see? I saw lust, desire, want, need and, love. What did you see? Did you see the same things I saw, or did you only see your own reflection. Perhaps I was wrong, not just what I saw but what I felt. Hoya I have so many questions, but I can’t ask you all of them. So I’ll just ask these. Hoya do you love me? Did you used to love me? Or did you use me? If you did just use me, why? Why did you choose me to play with, did you just want to see how hard or how long it would take for me to fall for you? Well happy for you, I fell and can’t get up and you won’t help me. If you used to love me why won’t you let me go, can’t you see the pain I have? I can see yours. I see that you’re not happy either, so why, why do we keep this constant? Can’t we just end it please? I’m tired of this. How can you not see it? Our colourful life has turned gray, our peaceful field of love has turned into an cold ugly war zone. If you can’t see it you certainly can’t feel it.

I don’t have the courage to say it so I will be a coward, and do it.

I put down the pen and fold the paper, I put it into a red envelope then place it on his bed. I sit on the bed next to the envelope, I turn my head to the knife I placed on his night stand. I grab it. Tears run down my face, those wonderful memories that I lived for rushed in my mind, the memories that could stop me from doing this. But I can’t back down now. There is too much pain and too many bad memories as well. I take one last breath and let the last tear run down my face. I stab the knife slightly into the side of my stomach.

“Hoya, if I were to leave you would you cry?” I stabbed the knife further. Tears came down my face again.

“Hoya, if I were to leave you would you want me back?” I stabbed the knife even further. More tears came down my face, but I still managed to have a small smile.

“Hoya, this time there is no wanting me back.” I pushed the knife into me until I couldn’t any more.

I felt weak, my vision started blurring. This was it. Tears were flowing out of my eyes.

“Hoya... I love you.” I closed my eyes and with my last bit of strength I clutched on the handle of the knife and slit it across my stomach. I fell back onto the bed.

At last I felt free. No pain, no hurt, no heartache. Just numbness for the rest of eternity.