This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. The sight of her lifeless pail body covered in bright vibrant red blood made me overwhelmed with unpleasant emotions.

I clutched onto her hand, knowing she was long gone but still I was crying and screaming as if there was still some hope that she me might hear me and wake up. I jump on her, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking them hard. I don’t care about the stains on my clothes, I just don’t care. I need her, she can’t just die like this, and I love her. She just can’t. I hold onto her tightly, the way her body felt was indescribable. So limp and cold, so different from how I remembered it, her body was always warm and pleasant, her presence was so surreal, just with the smallest touch she could make me feel as if I were in a better place. But now even though I’m holding her with all of my might she feels cold, her presence is unwelcoming, no far from unwelcoming. She’s dead.

I release my hold on her and she falls back onto my bed. On top of her I cry in agony, my tears that fall off my face lands on hers. Unable for her to wipe the tears I do so. I turn my head and see an object blending in the blood. I get off her and retrieve the object, a red envelope containing a letter. I sit on the floor by the bed and carefully read. I must have read the letter about 50 times just trying to understand what she was saying, though I knew what she meant the first time a read it. I just didn’t want to believe it, that it was my fault. She killed herself because of me. I scream in frustration. This was my entirely fault, it’s true, I have been distant with her, but I didn’t mean it.

“I’M SORRY” I yell out is frustration. Everything you wrote was true, I just felt like you deserved better. Better than what I could give you. I never intended for this to happen, I never wanted to treat you coldly but I had to. You needed better, you needed someone else, and I was waiting for you to leave me because I could never leave you. But now you’re gone, I didn’t want you to leave me this way. I get up and just stare at her. “I love you” I whispered as I turned around and left the room.

As paramedics pass me trying to retrieve her dead body I stand outside by the door with a blank expression on my face just looking at the bright lights of the ambulance. Even though my clothes are still stained with the blood of my dead lover I don’t care about how I look right now. The cool breeze of the night air fans my hair back, I close my eyes and an image of her appears in my mind and her sweet sent fills my nose. “I feel like I’m in heaven.” I say as I look up at the starry sky. “I hope that’s where you are right now.” I take in another deep breath. “I don’t know how I’m going to live without you, honestly speaking I rather be living with you than not to be. Don’t worry we’ll be together soon.” I say to myself.

The paramedics rush her out of my house on a stretcher. I see her lifeless body again and I can feel my emotions rising, I feel a single tear fall down my face. They put her into the ambulance then soon enough the flashing lights of the vehicle dim’s into a nothing in the distance.

A calming breeze hits me again. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I gave you so much pain, I know now that I can’t ask you for forgiveness but.” I take a deep breath in. “All I know what to say right now is that I’m sorry and I can’t imagine a world without you.”

I wipe the last tear on my face then turn to walk inside.

“I love you and always will.” I say before closing the door. 

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I never attended for this to have another part, I just couldn't leave Hoya as the Bad Guy

I hope it make sense. 

(I tried looking for a song that match the part but I couldn't find one, so if you think you have a song that would match please tell me so I can link it to the story :)