CHANGMIN (JUNE, 2011)  

      I had just finished my morning workout, making an effort to avoid the condominium as much as possible by staying longer hours in the gym. It was getting difficult—I was unbearably starving with the extra exercise.

      “Good morning.”

      A familiar voice rang from behind the fridge as I dove for a carton of chocolate milk. I hesitated, closed the door slowly and feigned my best grin, “Morning.”

      Rilie peered at me from behind her messy bangs, protracting the awkward silence. “Um, I’m cooking breakfast today. Are you...”

      “No,” I interrupted too quickly and evasively. “I have to meet a producer at the studio right now. I’ll just eat out.”

      “Oh. Then I should wake Yunho...”

      “No, it’s fine.” I stopped her nervously. I just needed an excuse to be out of the apartment. It would just be worse if she had exposed my lie. “Yunho’s already worked hard. I should pull more weight.” I grabbed the entire carton of milk and head for the door, too cowardly to watch her reaction. “Enjoy breakfast with him.”

      It wasn’t until I stopped at the front lobby and noticed the doorman’s inquisitive glances that I realized how pathetic I must’ve looked. I clenched the dripping carton in my palm, inhaling deeply. What was I doing? It was growing to be a purgatory to be staying in the condominium, but how could I possibly avoid her forever while being under the same roof? She was my best friend’s girlfriend. How could I ever even think about asking him to have her move out?

      It killed me to think of a life without her—I wasn’t sure if I knew a life without her anymore.

      She had been my best friend, too. She had shown me a world I once knew but had forgotten for so long after being sopped in fame.

      I bit the insides of my cheeks and thrashed the milk carton into a trash can nearby. The doorman flinched and lowered his head into the Sudoku puzzle he had been doing.

      Why couldn’t I go, Rilie? Why couldn’t I let you go?

      Later that morning, Yunho arrived at the studio, his T-shirt crispy white and jeans unwrinkled, he was glowing. I had to look away for a moment simply to maintain my composure as he made his entrance. For a while, I didn’t speak to him and concentrated on the documents for a music video release in front of me. Yunho observed my silence and sat down understandingly. Without a word, he sipped his coffee as I blindly finished the entire package of documents, really unknowing anything I just read.

      “Finished?”

      I nodded.

      “Sorry I haven’t been putting in equal efforts lately,” Yunho says apologetically as he brushes his fingers around the rim of the coffee mug. “I should take more responsibility.”

      I shook my head distractedly. “You look good, Yunho.”

      “And you look terrible, Min.” He noted, “I haven’t seen you eat much at all, and you hardly stay around the apartment. It seems like you are always in the gym downstairs.” He assessed my muscular shoul