I woke up this morning na kinakabahan kase I came up to a decision na base na din sa pagttitimbang-timbang ko ng emosyon ko nowadays at sa mga pangyayari. I'm all set to be transparent na kay Tzu and be straightforward. Probably, she's wondering what takes it too long for me to reply back. Kinakabahan ako sa totoo lang (Hala, kinakabahan ang Oso!) na baka negative na this time ang response ni Tzu, mahihirapan akong i-digest yun, kung pupwede sana wag.

Just a glimpse of her smile can create chaos deep inside my brain. Nakaka-feel na din ako ng mga butterflies, nakakakiliti. Yet, there's sadness too because I know I have to, though I don't want to, to turn my back on her.

Ang saklap naman ng ending ng story naming dalawa. Nakakalungkot oyy..na letche na. Malulungkot din kaya sya? O matutuwa kase di na sya obligadong magsulat na dagdag pasanin o gawain lang skanya? Kahit kelan talaga..foolish pa din ako mag-isip. Yung mga kalye sa utak ko liku-liko, makurba, slippery, under construction.. (Tama na Seul! Nasa correct road ka na..kaya mo yan..tuloy-tuloy lang..)

Dearest Tzu,

  Babe..I know this is kinda awkwardly sudden.. (babe na now kase nag-upgrade..seryosong usapan na kase to. hehe) But I want to be honest to you. Yung wala ng charchar.

I want you to be happy with whatever or whoever. Kahit di na tayo syado nagkakausap, believe me with what I am telling you now.. I will always care about you.

I realized that it's better for me to stay away, because I just woke up one day realizing that I am feeling something extra special for you and yes, we both know hindi dapat kase may masaksaktan. 

Thank you for being part of my life.

Please take care always no matter what..stay strong.

I will miss talking to you and being corny to you too. (Oist, Tzu, dapat mamimiss mo din ako ha kasi mamimiss kita eh, para fair. hehe loko lang.) 

Pero totoo, simulan mo na now. ;-))

Ingat palage TzuBabe, God bless!

Seulbabe.

Mas mabuti na din to, habang hindi pa ganun kalalim madaling putulin o hablutin. Agapan hanggat maaga pa, atleast di syadong masakit. Ito na ata ang pinakaunang bagay na mainam kong ginawa dahil sa nag-iisip ako ng maigi. (Human na si Kang Seulgi, totoong tao na.)

Before closing my eyes to sleep tonyt, I came up with a plan (isa na namang gimik o kaetchosan ni Seul) ewan if epektibo ba.Gusto ko lang na magpaalam ng personal, yoko namang isipin nya na ako yung tipong tao na okey lang sa simula at napaka-abrupt mang-iwan, walang personal appearance.

Kinabukasan, habang nasa classes yung utak ko nasa kanya at sa pinlano kong gawin kagabi.

"Psst, guys..si kuya nagpapabili ng flowers para sa gf nya. Pero naisip kong isang rose o 3 lang..kase mas naaappreciate yung ganun. Sino sasama?"

Lapit na uwian pero naaatat na ata silang umuwi.

"Samahan kita Seul, I can give 2nd opinion if ever needed." sagot naman ni Jennie. 

Sila Amber, Mina at Chaeyeong naman bz sa pagsusulat.

"Mukhang ikaw lang ata talaga ang makakasama ko maya Jennie..thanks." sabi ko.

We thought better of choosing tulip since it is Tzu's fave flower. Ilan na bang roses/flowers nareceive nya from her admirers?baka di na mabilang. After namin byaran, dumiretso na ako kila Tzu while si Jennie may kailangan pang daanan.

Tamang-tama open ang pintuan nila. At akmang magta-tao po sana ako pero nadatnan ko yung 10yr.old na brother nya sa may pintuan at nang tawagin ko sana, saktong palabas si Tzu galing kusina. Mabuti at palingon skanya yung bata, agad kong hinagis sa malapit yung flowers at walang sabi-sabi umalis ako agad. Yung bilis ng lakad ko kasimbilis narin ata ng tibok ng puso ko.. (ano na ba tong nangyayari saken. Putik talaga oh..naglevel-up na nga talaga yung emotions ko para skanya.)

Nadidinig ko ang pagtawag ni Tzu, sinundan nya pala ako. Tumigil ako at lumingon. Paglapit nya ay nakikita ko ang lungkot sa kanyang mga mata. (Tzu...babe.. what's with that sadness I see now?? kung maaari lang sana mayakap ka..before kita tuluyang talikuran, I will be happy atleast.)

"Ano'ng problema, Seul? Bakit ka nagpapaalam??" tanong nya ng hindi inaalis ang tingin sa aking mga mata.

Inalis ko yung mata ko sa pagkatitig nya (sira ka ba???inexplen ko na sa sulat why I have to do this..and for God's sake stop staring like that!! Kuhhh..mahahalikan talaga kta ng wala sa oras nyan!!)

"Ah eh..alam mo na yun, I already told you sa letter ko.."

Malungkot pa din ang expression sa mukha ni Tzu. "Before ka tuluyang tumalikod sakin, basahin mo muna to..maybe this can change your mind Seul.."

Inabot nya sakin ang sulat at nagpaalam na ako skanya. Bago ako tuluyang nakakalayo, nilingon ko pa sya. Kumaway sya sakin saka bumalik na sa kanila. Hindi sya galit, pero she seems sad. Ano kaya laman ng sulat nya. (Syempre binubuo ng mga letters, words, sentences, etc. Boblax ka talaga Kang Seulgi, sagot ng utak ko., nagpapatawa.) Agad ko namang binuksan yung sulat.

Dearest Seul,

Unang-una, nabigla ako sa pag open-up mo sakin about your feelings. But not that too surprised because sa pag eexchange natin ng letters I found out that you are an outspoken person, you speak your mind. I like that so much about you.

............................

(Uyyy....atleast there's something about me that she likes. One point para kay Kang Seulgi!! - my mind says)

............................

I feel sad as well kasi bigla-bigla kang nagpapaalam, why??? Di naman tayo nag-away ah?! Ni wala tayong pinagtalunan. Matatanggap ko sana na aalis ka na lang bigla at talikuran ako if nagkaron tayo ng matinding away. While I am writing this reply, my tears are falling, I can't help it! Pag mahalaga sakin ang isang tao, masakit sakin ang lumayo sya o mawala sya sa life ko.

............................

(Hephep! She cried while writing this??? And she feels something for me too, mahalaga ako skanya?! 2 points for Kang Seulgi!)

.............................

Before you finally turn your back on, please listen and believe me when I say : "I think I am falling inlove with you too, Babe!"

Take extra care because I truly care about you!

always,

your Tzu.

(3 points na para kay Kang Seulgi!! She is falling inlove with me too! Lume-level up na kami. Nag-upgrade na nga, nagbe-babe na din ang Tzu ko!!!)

What actually took my attention the most is that, yung sa may last part ng letter nya, yung ink ng bolpen parang nagspre-spread out, yun bang nabasa sya na natuyo and it's so noticeable. It is clearly proven that she cried when she wrote this. I smiled the sweetest I could.

(Ano ng gagawin ko now?? Di pa talaga nagsi-sink saken tong confession nya. Helppppppp!!!!! Nagge-gay panic na yung heart ko...pati utak ko naglo-loading na, nagkaka-love bug na.)

I know that it is too early to tell but who knows? This could be a start of something so wonderful. Kung ano man ang magiging takbo nito o kahahantungan nito, then be it. Andito na to eh. Yoko din maging reason ng ikakalungkot ni Tzu because I want her to be happy, I want to make her  smile. I want to be the reason for her to, as well.

Tonight I decided to write a reply to ask her what is up. If we are a thing or what. And probably ask her out. Why not??! (Kang Seulgi has always loved to do crazy stuff...still does.)

Babe Tzu,

Hey! Let me start my letter with a kiss, on wherever you will allow.. (hehehe, kidding.)

You got me surprised. I didn't, even once, think that we will be on the same page. That you could feel the same. Life is full of surprises, this is one of those that I am so surprisingly so happy about.

I never also thought that my supposedly farewell will affect you.. Thank you for the care.

(Todo ingles na tong sulat ko kaya ituloy-tuloy ko na. heheh)

So does your letter mean..tayo na? Can we meet and talk about it?

Let me know when and where is convenient for you.

your Bear babe,

Seul.

And opposite sa inakala ko, positive ang respond ni Tzu. It is true that  : ("We better not jump into conclusion or be negative. Because you can never know what you'll gonna get." -Seulmon1326.)

Got her reply for it the afternoon of the following day. Too early than the usual, kase si Wendy nag-abot, napadaan sya kila Joy/Tzu this morning. Tzu got my reply last night when my brother went there to accompany Jimin who visited Joy that time. They're pretending na nag-eescort lang sya pero sa totoo lang, dinadalaw din nya si Tzu. Di naman daw syado nagtagal si Tzu sa convos nilang apat since she also had to study for tomorrow - as per kuya. Buti na lang din, kase baka ikakalungkot ko if nakipag-harutan sya. She better not or else makakarinig talaga saken si Tzu ng Seul-rant! Biro lang. (Ang sama ko talaga, sa diname-dame, gf pa ni kuya ako nafall. Ikaw na Seul.. ang Judas of your generation! Bigyan ng jacket!) Tao lang naman ako mahirap kontrolin yung puso. Hindi mo madidikta sino ang di dapat at dapat mong mahalin, pag mahal mo..mahal mo even if you know there is no guarrantee that it will lasts. 

-  Yes, officially today November 23, tayo na nga. Kainis ka, di ka pa nanliligaw..tayo na agad! Pasalamat ka talaga love na kita. Tomorrow Babe, 1pm wait for me sa Park. See you!

(Another point for Kang Seulgi!)

But how will I be? What will I wear? I am always so conscious of how I look/appear to other people especially sa taong kinai-interesan ko. I want to always make a good impression. How am I gonna start the convo? Nakaka-excite pero napaka-intense. 

(See ya then Tzu...babe!)