JUST ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO! ONG!
PS: the final chapter will be post today as well!!!

124 Jung-Dong,

Haeundae, Busan

March 7 1997

Dear Youngjae,

Jongup said his first word today. Obviously, he said Mumma. Jonghwan was quite petulant about that but he soon forgot that tiny detail in favour of cooing at his son for giggling after speaking.

I wonder when he’ll start calling me Grandpa. It’s a far off bet, I know, but I don’t mind waiting for it for a long, long time. I don’t want Jongup to grow up just yet. And you know better than anyone how good I am at waiting.

Can you believe I waited for over thirty years for this day? I will finally stop writing to you. I will finally meet you again.

When I received that phone call today and Youngwon told me that you wanted to talk, you will never realise how my heart stopped beating. And when you finally spoke. In that same deep tone of yours that you know I was always jealous of; I started crying, Jae.

Jonghwan got concerned, Hesoo got worried. I think even little Jongup realised that his Grandpa was not alright. The boy got awfully quiet all of a sudden.

I don’t know what happened, Jae. When you asked to meet, the first thing that came to my mind was Is he alright? Why does he suddenly want to meet? I hope nothing bad has happened.

But then I calmed myself. I told myself that it’s probably nothing too serious. Youngjae is alright. He’s okay. And I know you’re okay, Jae. Because nothing bad has happened to me yet either.

And I can’t wait to meet you tomorrow. In fact, this final letter to you is proof of my restlessness tonight. I don’t need to write this to you. I don’t need to vent anymore. But here I am. Speaking to you nonetheless.

And tomorrow when we meet,

I love you,

Daehyun

Busan 2017

The early morning sifts through the window blinds as Jongup snuggles his face into the duvet, being an early bird is just one of those things he failed to inherit from his grandfather. Trying to ignore the sun beating down his neck, he chooses to relish in Junhong’s bed voice humming some obscure melody as he trudges into the joint bathroom. He shuffles up in bed as he stares at the locked bathroom door, gazing at it with a lopsided smile, he’s not sure what it is, but he just knows that it’s just one of those mornings that he feels like staying in bed would be a waste.

So, despite every bone in his body protesting dramatically to just stay, Jongup jumps out of bed and heads to the bathroom to freshen up. Today feels like it’ll be an awfully big day already.

As soon as he pushes the bathroom door though, he finds Junhong standing over the toilet bowl, peeing sleepily. Hair ruffled and head lolling back and forth. Looking delectably innocent. Now, Jongup knows that they’ve been best friends since diaper days so seeing Junhong hold his , shouldn’t really bother him.

But it does! And Oh! How it does.

He quickly slams the door behind his back and mutters a curse under his breath as he decides to just use the common bathroom instead. Unbeknownst to him, Junhong is staring red-cheeked at his own reflection in the mirror as he moves towards the wash basin. And as he realises that surely it must’ve been Jongup who slammed the door on behind him, he’s not sure what he feels.

But he’s sure he doesn’t exactly feel embarrassed.

Flashback

Jongup stares at his grandfather watching Youngjae with the most gentle eyes as he wonders just how could they have ended up where they were. Daehyun must’ve sensed Jongup’s brain cells bursting with all the thoughts running through them because he soon turns to his grandson and pats his head for attention.

“Don’t overthink things, Jongup” the man says, “you might burn the house down with how fast your thoughts are running.”

“Grandpa…” Jongup his lips before finally asking, “why didn’t you just approach Uncle Yoo before? Why did you wait so long?”

Daehyun guffaws at the boy’s question, shuffling closer to the boy. “I can’t believe you’re still thinking about that.”

“Of course I am, Grandpa!” Jongup whines, staying mindful of Youngjae while he works in the garden. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t just reach out sooner for him. If you knew you loved him, why did you follow him to Seoul but not meet him? Why did you continue to just write him letters? It would’ve been so easy to just talk to him.”

“Had it been the past, I would’ve fought you on that by now…” the old man shakes his head and huffs, “now I don’t think you’re all too wrong.”

He pats Jongup’s hand as he explains, “The nineteen-year-old that time wanted to give his best friend a choice. For Daehyun then, freedom to choose was everything and he didn’t stop to think what a nineteen-year-old Youngjae wanted. He didn’t stop to think that maybe what Youngjae wanted wasn’t a choice. That maybe Youngjae wanted a conviction. A clear decision from Daehyun.”

The old man sighs in regret as he explains “nineteen-year-old Daehyun didn’t understand that maybe Youngjae had already made his choice. A choice to run away from a society that would frown upon his feelings for his friend. Youngjae didn’t need a choice when he went away back then. He needed me to bring him back but I was too oblivious to understand it back then.”

Jongup finds himself speechless because he understands the man. He understands his grandfather wanting to give his best friend, his lover, the choice to choose their lives. And he understands that it was a noble thought indeed. But he also knows that Daehyun had made mistakes too. His lack of conviction. His determination towards his own opinion. His inability to understand just what Youngjae needed.

And somehow his own feelings become clear to him. His feelings towards one certain boy who is busy helping Uncle Yoo in the garden. Planting strawberries. Jongup realises that in giving someone a choice and space, he may just be pushing him away too. And he realises, like a lightning hitting him, that he loves Junhong. He’s known it for too long but he now he wants to say it.

And he realises that saying it out could ruin their relationship but he also knows that it is a risk he’s willing to take. Because he’s seen what lack of communication can do. And he doesn’t want to turn into another Daehyun and Youngjae. Always running away from their emotions because they ‘think’ they are right.

And as Daehyun continues speaking, Jongup becomes surer of his decision of confessing his feelings to Junhong.

“Nineteen-year-old Daehyun still didn’t know everything there was to know about the boy he claimed his best friend. And nineteen Youngjae had too much faith.” Daehyun tells him and Jongup silently agree with his grandfather. Nodding his head as Daehyun tells him “and when I followed him to Seoul, my soul was already scarred with the trauma of a nineteen-year-old r old boy who’d lost his only family. And I carried that trauma for a long long time, Jongup. I carried that trauma until I met him again.”

“I’m glad you could meet again, Grandpa” Jongup finds himself saying, too busy watching Junhong washing his hands in the water hose.

*

“Did you two have a fight or something?” Daehyun asks them over breakfast watching Jongup and Junhong completely ignoring each other since they greeted them good morning. Jongup barely manages to choke out a denial and Junhong looks like he is ready to burst a nerve at the looks the two elders send his way.

Youngjae watches the two boys awkwardly trying to manoeuvre their hands around the table - trying to not let their hands get too close to each other’s - and he shares a look with Daehyun which clearly means intervention . So, as soon as breakfast is done, the man doesn't spare a second before pulling Jongup aside claiming they need to “get some hanwoo for you boys tonight”.

As soon as Jongup steps out though, Junhong becomes scarily aware of the fact that he’s alone in the house with Daehyun. He’s terrified of the man’s presence. And he knows that Daehyun is nothing but a kind soul who loves his grandson dearly and who has no qualms against anyone in the world. But he’s also aware of the fact that he himself, is the grandson of the very man who has done him wrong. Who has broken his heart beyond repair. And Junhong knows that Daehyun never got the justice he deserves.

“Junhongie?” Daehyun’s voice filters through the thick silence and he looks up from his plate to see the man giving him a warm smile. “You okay, son?” his words hold the kind of concern Youngwon’s voice had held and he frowns at the warmth in his voice. As if he really cares.

And Junhong realises that Daehyun truly does care because the man is beside him in a second. His arms securely around his shoulders, and his hand patting his face. “Did you and Jongup have a fight or something? What’s the matter with you two today?”

The knowledge of what Youngwon had done in the past hits him with full force as Junhong looks back into those concerned eyes and he can’t stop himself from speaking. “I found your letters, Deok Ajusshi. All… all of them.” He has to stop himself from speaking because he feels tears forming in his eyes and his voice shakes with an effort to hold himself together.

Daehyun pulls away at his declaration and Junhong feels like a little boy with his blanket was taken away on a very cold day and he whimpers at the lack of warmth but doesn’t whine. He waits for the outburst. Imagines Daehyun finally getting angry and cursing his Grandfather out, now that the man is dead. Or maybe he’ll take his anger out on Junhong and kick him out of the house. Banning him from Jongup’s life as well.

But Daehyun remains calm as he watches Junhong squirm in his seat. Stealing glances at him but looking away too soon for fear of being caught. “Have you read them?” Daehyun asks voice ca