Please keep in mind that 1967 is when Youngjae was still in Suwon. And 1968 is when he's in Seoul.

356-71 Daehakro,
Jongro-gu, Seoul

September 12th, 1968

Dear Youngjae,

There’s a girl in my academy…

I’m not sure where I was going with when I started this letter but I just felt like telling you.

About her…

It’s not like there aren’t in girls in the academy, but she’s different, Jae.

Tiny as Thumbelina, she has such a hard time during physicals. Always falling in her face and getting yelled at for showing weakness during drills. She’s always mocked by our classmates for being so unfitting at the academy. One look and you could tell she stumbled upon the wrong side of the career description. She should’ve been an office worker. Fieldwork is just not for her.

But that’s not what makes her different, Youngjae.

What makes her different is that during break time, even though her legs are about to give way due to exhaustion, she runs to sit beside this one particular girl. She tries her hardest to show a strong front. Her hands might shake during target practice, but she literally trembles every time the other pats her head, or even smiles at her.

And I might be biased in my choices. It might be guilt towards you. I don’t know what it is, but my heart goes out to her.

She’s so in love, Youngjae-yah. And it’s so hard to watch her follow the elder girl like a puppy with its tail between its legs. And what makes it worse is the other girl adores her. She’s kind and accepting and lovely. She’s the best friend you could ask for but she’s so Goddamn oblivious.

It just hurts to watch that little girl, Jae. Literally fighting with herself to be with the girl she fell in love with.

And it makes me wonder, Jae…

What if that had been you? What if I had never found out? What if you’d tagged along with me and we had been together still?

I wouldn’t wish that kind of life to anyone…

Not even if it meant having you here by my side.

I love you,

Daehyun

*****

Seoul 2017

“How you doing today?” Jongup leans over the counter and gestures at Junhong to grab his attention. He’s at the coffee shop the boy works in and watches him with questioning eyes as Junhong looks highly unperturbed.

Junhong raises his eyes in question as he walks over to the coffee machine in the back and starts making Jongup’s order. “What do you mean? What happened to me?”

Jongup rolls his eyes as he winces back, “you weren't in the best of moods yesterday. Did you get back home well last night?”

At the elder’s words, Junhong furrows his eyes again. He’d read the two hundred and fifth letter a couple of days ago and has been in a sour mood ever since. Of course, he can’t tell Jongup that. Though, he could if he wanted to. But he’s not sure whether he does.

He doesn't respond back as he makes the drink. Placing it on a tissue paper when he gets back, biting his lips as he nods with a small smile. “It wasn't much. And yes. I, obviously, did get back home safe, Uppie.”
 
He's lying. Jongup is so sure about it, he could swear his entire fortune over it.

Letting a frown filter onto his forehead, Jongup huffs a sigh and groans out to the boy. “What is it? I wasn't going to keep pestering you about it. But I'm worried about you. You're never distressed about anything for so long. It's been four days now!”
 
Junhong sighs as he pushes a few buttons on the till machine and starts counting bills. It's so obvious he's trying to avoid eye contact. But he’s not ready to tell yet. He’s not sure he wants to even. 

The elder boy watches in apparent dissatisfaction and Junhong continues to count bills here's probably counted several times before already. Watching the way the boy tries to keep his emotions in. How he bites his lips every other second. How his Adam's apple quivers. Jongup can feel anger bubbling in his gut but he doesn't know why.

“It's nothing, Uppie. You don't need to worry about it.” In an afterthought, he adds, without ever looking up from the bills in hand, “it's a Friday. What are you doing here even?”

Just as Jongup is about to give a reply, a hand lands on his shoulders and Jongup shuts up in favor of looking at the person behind him. 

“Hey there, Jongup!” Hana, Jongup’s girlfriend, pleasantly grins, latching onto his arm in a death grip. She then turns her attention towards Junhong and waves a greeting in his direction too. “Junhongie.”

As if a chameleon changing its colors, Junhong’s face loses all the colors in it and he goes pale white. Then slowly, like blood seeping into a white pristine cloth, his ears start turning red, lips curling unpleasantly into a fake smile. Hands , almost crumbling the notes in his hand. “Hey, Hana.” His voice clipped.

It would be a lie if Junhong ever said he liked the woman in the first place. His apparent dislike for her is hidden from no one - not even Jongup. But most of the time, Junhong doesn’t have such a hard time to mask his dislike. Today though, even her name sounds like chalkboards being scratched.

It’s just a dumb letter, Junhong. He reminds himself as he watches Hana beam at him then turn to Jongup and grab his chin turning his face to look at her. She’s not the same person. Relax!

He watches her pout, bile rising to his stomach at the thought of the last letter he’d read, her lips jutting out in the most delectable manner as she bats her eyes at Jongup, “Come on, babe. We have a movie to catch.”

And as she's pulling him away and out the door of the little cafe, Junhong can’t help but imagine a pair of eighteen-year-old boys and a girl in between them. Can’t help wincing at the imagery of a barely adult Daehyun being pulled away from a barely adult Youngjae.

Their hands clasped together, being pulled off of each other’s as a teenage Hana pulls them away from each other.

And he’s not sure what it is he feels. It’s like being stabbed in the heart. He’s never been stabbed, of course, but he feels like that’s how it must feel, at least.

As tears start to pool in his eyes, lips trembling, his heartaches and he feels compelled to just walk up to the pair and snatch Jongup's hand away from hers.The way Jongup keeps turning back as he’s being pulled away is so much more poignant. 

He can’t help but see Daehyun’s eyes reflected back at him in Jongup’s.

Suwon 1967

“You should stop and think about this, Jae” Youngwon gently whispers to the boy who’s busy packing up his suitcase with a clenched jaw.

Youngjae scoffs at his brother’s words. No bite his gestures, just bitterness. “What’s there to think about, Wonnie?” His tone uncaring.

The elder of the two bites his lips as he brings out a hand to ruffle through Youngjae’s hair. Effectively stopping Youngjae’s hands from messily folding his clothes into his luggage. The younger boy shudders under the touch and turns back into his brother’s embrace. Eyes wet and lips mumbling apologies. He weeps into his brothers embrace and Youngwon holds him with pur