2Yoo One-shot

Hey... Yoobin-ah.

I just... I don’t know what this is... so I’m kind of just going to talk about stuff... 

We have been friends since middle school. We met through our mutuals. You were the nerdy one who was always reading, with your glasses either on or off and I was the quiet-but-I-can-party-too weird one that always wore black clothing. We played games together and even joined a music club together. I played the piano and sang and so did you. I always stole your snacks when you had some but you were still nice to me.

So many memories were made in the classroom where we and our friends made music. And out of all the memories we made together, I remember one in particular.

We were in the club room. I was playing the piano with a headset on and you were next to me. I was focused on following the routine given to us by the instructor but what you said next distracted me, “I love you.” 

It was a faint whisper and I’m sure you didn’t think I heard it but I did. Not loud but clear.

“I love you.”

The words replayed themselves in my head like a broken cassette tape. The sound of your soft voice as you said them still resides in my head as of now. Me being young, socially awkward and immature, I pushed myself away from you for a week.

I didn’t know how to handle the situation because I didn’t know in which way you meant the words and I hadn’t been in a situation like that before. I had never been in love nor thought about love back then. I didn’t know how to respond to that confession, so I grew distant and avoided you for a short time.

I didn’t respond to your text messages like I normally did but instead with short replies like, “Yeah,” and, “Okay,” because I was weirded out. Not because of the things you said but of suddenness of it all. We were children. We were friends. Close ones at that. And I regret spending all that time away from you.

I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings or if I had lead you on somehow. I would understand if you disliked me or even hated me for that time being, or even now because I was a jerk and didn’t handle the situation carefully or responsibly.

After the week of almost no interaction, I warmed up to you again and forgot about what had happened. I wanted to be friends and stay friends for as long as we could.

There was close to no contact during the summer break before school resumed as I had been busy doing who knows what. I started getting into more groups as I listened to them when I played first-person shooter games to pass the time. I remember listening to Girls’ Generation and Super Junior back then. The music was my company as I had no close friends to spend time with or talk to over the phone.

And then high school came.

Freshman year began and I hadn’t spoken to you in a while, so it was awkward for both you and I. We didn’t know what to talk about and back then we were both closeted stans of girl groups. We talked almost minimal even though we sat at the same lunch table but we opened up more to each other at the end of the school year.

Sophomore year was better. We talked more and became closer. We discussed manga, anime and music. I always listened to everything you said even though no one else was listening and tried to give you the attention I could then.

And junior year. Here we are. We talk more now. Way more. I always spam about my “girls” and “idols” but we also send each other memes and links to weird videos. It wasn’t until the beginning of this new year that we started talking even more, with me mostly spamming with my girls.

Even though I may be really annoying at times, I hope that you always respond. I want us to be together for as long as we can. I enjoy talking to you about my stupid stuff and sending you cute pictures of girls. I enjoy your company and you just liking one of my messages as we converse.

I get butterflies and unicorn rainbow poop in my stomach when we just message each other online about random things. I don’t know what I should call this feeling.

Love?

Cliché.

Attraction?

Or infatutation? 

I don’t know. 

But what I do know is that you make me happy. You make me feel happy. You make me feel loved and appreciated. You make me feel special and I hope I do the same for you.

I know you’re interested in someone or at least are trying to get over the person. And it isn’t me.

I don’t know if the feeling I get when I see you, when our hands touch, when I hear your sassiness emit from you or even when you message me a random, “Hi,” is like, love or just happiness from this friendship we have.

This got really messy quickly, so I’ll end it soon.

I just want to have a bright and happy future and I wish the same for you as well. We should all get the chance to be happy. 

Oh. And write me back soon too.

(I) Love, Yoo.