Chapter 14

Practice went off without a hitch, every awkward silence squashed by Wheein's bubbly exterior, and every tense moment watered down by Hyejin's smooth interception. Byulyi feels proud of her sisters.

That was, however, supposedly the easy part.

Now, Yongsun and her are going to talk.

Byulyi is packing her things while the oldest of the four approaches her. Yongsun swallows uncertainly, eyes downcast. Byulyi eyes her through the wide mirror on the wall of their practice room subtly, noting her defensive posture. The oldest is fiddling with her thumbs and she is worrying her bottom lip, unsure. 

Wheein and Hyejin notice, and the former decides to speak up, 'Me and Hyejin are going to go home now. Stay safe, unnies!'

With that, the pup scrambles over to the door, with Hyejin trailing behind her quietly. The maknae sends the unaware Yongsun a long, even stare before shifting her gaze to Byulyi. The girl sends her a reassuring smile, and the maknae nods. She closes the door behind her.

Byulyi feels choked. A lump settles in . It seems as if her burning rage earlier has left her weak and vulnerable. She tries to shake it off, taking a deep breath.

She must be composed while dealing with this.

'Where do you want to go?' she asks, facing the older and staring at her neutrally. Yongsun seems shocked at her calmness, before she recovers, mustering up a small, appreciative smile.

'You have always hated being out in public.' the girl comments, eyes growing distant and gaze turning soft. Byulyi hurts at how Yongsun still knows her inside out. 'So what do you say we order take-outs and hang in my flat? Is that okay? You used to like hanging there. I understand though, if you, uh, if you don't want to.' Yongsun stammers awkwardly. Byulyi thinks nothing has changed with Yongsun- she is still the awkward, caring unnie Byulyi has always known. She's still the same person possessing the same characteristics that made Byulyi fall.

But Byulyi is not the same though. As well as the feelings she feels for the older girl. Yongsun can care and worry about her all she wants but Byulyi be damned if she falls for it again.

Byulyi is, dare she say it, wiser. Stronger. Her heart has hardened due to the beatings it has suffered through.

(Figuratively, of course.)

Like what they say, Byulyi muses in her head, fool  me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Byulyi, however, notices the awkward number of 'used to's in Yongsun's sentences, and she mentally laughs.

Used to. There seems to be a lot of 'used to's in her life nowadays.

Yongsun's apartment is just a couple of rooms down her apartment's hall, and not uncharted territory. She has spent many of her nights there, and she fears it might remind her of them, of what they were, before Yoondo and Yongsun happened but...

She feels that she could only be safe in her apartment, and she doesn't want to break the feeling of security. It has always been the place where she always ran to whenever she wanted to escape from reality, and if Yongsun and her decide to talk there, it might taint her sanctuary.

It would feel as if she's giving up another part of herself away to Yongsun, and she doesn't want that.

She needs at least one place that doesn't remind her of Yongsun (even though the girl used to frequent there, her lingering scent has faded into Byulyi's own overwhelming scent. How can it not, when Byulyi made sure to empty at least a bottle or two of her own cologne to erase any unwanted fragrance?

Silly. Petty. But it helps.)

So she agrees, 'Okay.'

Yongsun softens and nods, smiling a little bit wider. The rays of the sun spill through the undrawn blinds, painting the room orange. It kisses every curve of the older girl, tracing every contour of her face. Byulyi tries to ignore the dull pain in her chest, averting her gaze. She stands up, huffing, 'Let's not keep this for long, then.'

Dangerous.

Getting caught up in her feelings again is dangerous, Byulyi knows that, so she doesn't spare the older another glance and she scurries out of the room.

Yongsun scrambles after her, footsteps hurried. Byulyi holds the door open unconciously, allowing the older girl to exit first. As Yongsun smiles at her, she feels conflicted about it.

(It makes her feel like she's flying and soaring high up in the sky but then again Byulyi knows that after that, there's no telling how painful the fall would be once she realizes that it's just not meant to be.)

Byulyi shrugs, keeping her expression blank. She steps on the embers of giddiness blooming in her chest, embracing the bitter taste of negativity instead.

Yongsun had her chance. Byulyi is over her. Yongsun should not drop her ambiguous moments, and Byulyi should not fall for them.

With that in mind, Byulyi trudges on without any word.

She barely catches Yongsun's wounded expression.

It's better this way.

.......

They arrive, and Yongsun steps forward to dial the password. Byulyi doesn't mean to look, okay? She really doesn't...

But she happens to see that Yongsun hasn't changed it.

(It's still the same as Byulyi's- their official friendship date. She tries to tramp down the feeling of sadness but she can't.

Even when they're apart and in shambles, Yongsun still holds on to the shards of what they were, much like Byulyi.)

The older girl pushes the door open, and Byulyi is assaulted by the oh-so familiar scent of Yongsun. The apartment is warm and cozy, not too small, and not too spacious. A comfortable looking sofa lies in front of a coffee table, where papers and book pages scatter. A flat screen television hangs on the wall in front of the couch, and picture frames surround it. 

Byulyi's mind reels. It's exactly the same. She can still see the picture of the four of them in their very first practice as a team, their picture of You're the Best's eighth win, and Yongsun's picture with her parents.

She takes a deep breath. Her and Yongsun's picture back when they were trainees is at its usual spot- above the rest of all the pictures. Various photos of them together are clipped on a brown string tied to two nails.

Yongsun sees what caught Byulyi's attention, and her feet scuff against the carpeted floor. 'It.. That is the first picture we took together. Do you remember?'

How can Byulyi not, when the same picture is folded inside her wallet, creased and worn by reminiscing hands and longing gazes?

'Yeah. I do.' she does, 'That was the very first picture I took with my first self-bought camera.'

Even if the camera is not working now, and it rests inside Byulyi's bottom drawer, apart from keeping the hardcopy safe in her pocket, she never deleted the picture- it is saved in both her phone and SD card. She kept the SD card in a separate location where all her important things are stored. 

Yongsun smiles warmly, 'Been a long time already, huh? I feel old reminiscing about it.' there's a wistful tone in Yongsun's normally light voice. She stares at the photo silently for a couple of seconds, while Byulyi studies the older girl. Her cheeks seem thinner, and her eyes are a little dim. 

She looks drained.

'You are old.' Byulyi blurts out in response, before widening her eyes. She didn't mean for it to slip, it felt as if she was just acting on instinct. It hurt her that she still feels so comfortable around the other girl that her mind doesn't properly process what she says.

The familiarity chokes her.

Yongsun seems taken aback, but she scowls playfully, 'You haven't changed at all.'

Byulyi smiles bitterly. How can Yongsun say that when they haven't been seeing each other outside work? When the most they can give each other is a curt nod and one-word answers? 'Even if I did, you wouldn't know. Besides, it's you who have changed.'

Yongsun looks shocked at the sudden jab, and she averts her gaze, settling her eyes on the picture.
'I...' she sighs, shaking her head. Byulyi almost feels bad.

But then she remembers broken promises and shattered dreams.

'I'll go get something for us to drink.'

Yeah. Run. Escape again, Yongsun.

Byulyi watches her go, as usual. She chuckles self-depricatingly before claiming her usual seat on the left side of Yongsun's comfortable couch. It feels the same. Warm, and soft. Byulyi reaches for a throw pillow to set on her lap when her hands come across a damp spot.

She turns it over, and sees a big darkened spot on the cream coloured pillow. This is weird- Yongsun never brings water near her settee, and when Byulyi takes a whiff, it doesn't smell. Not a beverage either.

Tears.

It has to be.

But tear tracks usually dry up after a couple of hours, and their practice lasted for eight. So, why?

Tear tracks do dry up fast, but that is if the tears shed aren't heavy. In this case, the culprit seems to have cried really, really hard.

Byulyi frowns as she sees a stray fallen hair on the pillow.

Blonde.

Yongsun's.

Yongsun was crying so hard that the surface of the pillow hasn't dried for eight hours.

Byulyi sighs. Her heart feels heavy and her hands replace the pillow on her lap with another one. A dry one.

It all doesn't make sense. Why would Yongsun cry? Is it because of- no, Byulyi shouldn't really always assume that whatever's going with Yongsun involves her. She used to, once, and look at where it lead her.

Maybe Yongsun had a Movi