C5: no no don't stop just cause i'm here

I’ve been torn since Changgu ended our friendship. I was torn between being so angry I wanted to slap him and being so heartbroken that I wanted to never fall in love again.

I knew it was my fault for falling in love with him. I mean we were best friends, we weren’t meant to fall in love. But I did and he didn’t.

I couldn’t blame him for not liking me. But he didn’t have to cut all ties with me. He didn’t have to call me a liar for speaking the truth about Jihee. He didn’t have to tell me I was only spewing bull since I liked him and was jealous of Jihee.

Yeah I may have been jealous, but it wasn’t to the point I’d ruin his relationship. Jihee really had and still was cheating on him with an older man.

I saw them. The man lived in my apartment complex for God’s sake. How could I not catch her?

But Jihee was manipulative.

She used to message me and harass me. Especially when Changgu would hang out with me over her. She’d call me a for having only guy friends. She turned my own crush and best friend against me.

I still get messages from her from time to time. She just likes to rub in my face that Changgu’s her’s. She also loves to flaunt that the her and Changgu has is passionate and the best. It was too much information for me.

And today getting a voice message of her disgusting voice out Changgu’s name as they had was the last straw. I was disgusted.

I was done. I deleted her off Lime, I wouldn’t be nice to her anymore, I couldn’t be. I had held my tongue too long. I was even beginning to feel annoyed with Changgu more than I already was.

How could he be so ty? I mean I know he probably doesn’t know she’s been messaging me. But hell how does one dump their best friend since childhood over some you met less than a year ago?

“Did she really just send you that?” Jinho gapes from his desk chair. Kayoon sat beside me on the bed her eyes narrowing at my phone screen even though it was black.

“It isn’t the first time either, well it’s the first voice message I’ve received but she’s always rubbing in my face.” I bunch Jinho’s comforter into my hands since I was angry.

Kayoon sighs. “I didn’t expect Changgu and her to last this long.”

“Me either.” Jinho sighs after her.

“She reminds me a little of Eunha.” Kayoon murmurs. My eyes widen, not Eunha. Kayoon had emotional scars from Eunha’s treatment towards her and I didn’t like to remind her about them.

Jinho quickly comes to sit beside her. “Don’t worry about them.” He says to both Kayoon and me.

Kayoon nods. “I, I won’t.”

Jinho pats her head and makes my heart swell. They seriously are too cute. They also made me extremely jealous.

Jinho smiles at me. “So you know mine and Hongseok’s birthday party is this weekend right?”

Both Kayoon and I nod.

“Okay awesome you’d both better be there!”

-

Things between me and Hongseok lately have been fine. We haven’t spoken much about what happened at the party a few weeks ago so things went back to normal. Well as normal as they could be.

Ever since Jinho’s tension talk I’ve noticed how right Jinho was. I always for some reason hovered near Hongseok. It was weird.

I noticed a lot of other things too. Like how much we touched each other. It wasn’t in a dirty way like you might think. They were always simple innocent touches. Like when I stay and have movie nights with Jinho and wake up the next morning to have breakfast. When both Hongseok and I are washing dishes and we stand side to side no space between us. Or on the occasional night Jinho and I invite Hongseok to watch movies with us and he agrees. We all three end up in the living room and my legs end up over Hongseok’s and sometimes my head rests on his knees. Or when he’d drive me home and our fingers brush against one another’s when messing with the radio.

All the innocent touches that left me craving more. I don’t know what the definition of more was though? Maybe a hug or a kiss?

I hate to admit it but thinking back now Hongseok and I have shared this tension since a several months after we first met as freshmen in high school.

We didn’t become friends right away.

Not until Jinho introduced him to us. It didn’t take us long to all get along. However I wasn’t close with Hongseok until probably near the end of sophomore year. That’s around when the tension started I think.

I think back, that was also around the time he started growing into a man. He became att