Dinner was surprisingly great.

I was amazed by Tim's ability to engage in instant conversations with Doc, topics ranged from medical news to even philosphical discussions. All the while, Aunt Tiffany was busy tending to the baby, whom I now discovered was named Misha (apparently none of our suggestions were considered in the end). So when Aunt Tiffany disappeared into the kitchen to clean up, I followed her from behind.

"Let me help you with that," I said as I placed the plates on the counter. 

"Hmm apparently you're acting so helpful when your friend is around, you should invite him over more often so you can continue being this nice." she joked.

"Hey! I am helpful, okay?" I laughed as I scrubbed. "Man, I can't believe you're a mother now."

She smiled, "Glad that I have enough experience handling a kid now, I think I did a good job raising you." then she sighed. "I once thought I was messing everything up, but you turned out fine and I'm forever grateful for that. Otherwise I'd be failing your mom..."

"Aunt Tiffany," I looked at her. "You tried your best, and you can't stop bad things from happening. That's good enough, okay?" Then I remembered my purpose of following her. "I need to ask you something, it's about my mom's diary - there were some things I didn't really understand, things that she wrote."

She chuckled, "If a poet like you can't understand her writing, then I obviously won't be of much help either, Mark."

I shook my head, "It's different, she was writing about someone she loved. At first I thought it was about my dad, but the more I read I don't think she was referring to him after all. The tone was different, so I thought maybe you can give some insight to me? Say, maybe you know about people my mom knew?"

I may have been imagining things, her expression seemed to change - just for a split second before she reverted to her usual cheery face. "Oh?" she sounded. "Hmm, sure thing. But I'll need to put Misha to bed first okay?"

I showed her the diary and flipped to the pages I had marked. I remembered almost every passage. The tone shift was clear, it wasn't the fiery, passionate desire she wrote when it was about Robert Lautner. These particular stanzas, they felt...personal. The turning point were one of the last in the book, a poem entitled 'Sorry'.

Sorry

I'm sorry to my unknown lover,
I'm sorry I could not love you more,
My love for you was not timeless as the tides,
I'm sorry I was not worth your cries.

I'm sorry to my forgotten shadow,
I should have listened to your words,
I was wrong to push you away,
I can never seek for forgiveness,
I should have made you stay.

I'm sorry I valued lust above our love,
Our bond thrown away like dust,
I'm sorry for blaming you for my sins,
Now all that is left are the moments I miss.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you,
The years have gone by but my love for you has not,
Oh how I wish I could see you again,
But sadly I cannot.

"Aunt Tiffany?" I called her as she seemed to be distracted as her eyes were glued to the book. She seemed to be in a daze, as if remembering a distant memory. I tried pulling her back, "So, do you happen to have any idea who my mom was referring to here?"

After a long pause, she got up and closed the door. She was awfully quiet and it didn't seem like her at all, as if she was struggling to keep calm. "Aunt Tiffany?" I said again. "Are you okay?"

And as she sat back down, she took my hands. "Mark," she said softly. "There are somethings that I didn't tell you before, because I didn't think they'd matter. But you're all grown up, and I don't have the right to keep secrets about your mom - even if things might not be the same anymore, or that you'd might look at me differently..." her eyes were turning glassy at this point.

My heart was beating fast, "Aunt Tiffany, w-what are you talking about?"

She took a deep breath, "I always told you that your mom and I were like sisters, inseparable. Well, we had a falling out during college and that was the year your mom left without a trace. You see, she was dating your dad at the time - Robert Lautner." 

I put on a blank expression, I couldn't afford her knowing that man was literally my professor. "Only she didn't know that man was a jerk, a selfish jerk who dated another girl when he fed your mom empty promises."

I didn't like where this was going, and Aunt Tiffany pursed her lips; I could see her hands were trembling too. "And the other girl he was dating at the time was also stupid enough to date the very guy whom her best friend was in love with." and she stopped talking.

I was trying to wrap my head around things, it all seemed so wrong. I frowned, "So...my dad was cheating on my mom...with you?" the last words made my skin crawl. 

Then she broke down in tears, "I'm so, so sorry Mark." she cried.

"Did you know that she was...did you know about me?" I croaked.

She shook her head frantically, "I knew they were dating, and I was stupid to do such a thing to your mom. But I swear, no one knew she was pregnant with you. By the time I knew about you...you were already born, Mark. Your mom disappeared off the grid and no one knew where she went, and I was a horrible friend for not doing enough to find her. I could have saved her from all that pain, but I didn't..." and she sobbed. 

My hands were numb, and I could hardly think. This changed everything, for there was now more people to blame for my mom's pain, for my pain - and it was the very person who I loved with all the heart I could give. Maybe all her care was just to repent, was our bond even real to begin with? Someone I loved so much, to be the very person who spiralled my mom's life down the drain.

"Mark...please, I'm so sorry." she cried some more. It broke my heart, it really did - only I wasn't sure if it was seeing her cry, or knowing why she was crying. Because she had been hiding such a crucial part of the story from me, and that broke me.

Silently, I got up. "I...need some time to think about this." and walked out the room. Closing the door from behind, I let out a heavy breath as I returned to my room. 

"Doc says we're leaving at seven in the morning tomorrow, oh and Timothy's gotta help me pack the presents even if he's our guest," Donghyuck said as I walked in, and he noticed my silence. "Mark? Is everything okay?"

"N-no, I don't know Donghyuck," I sighed before pulling up the covers. 

"Care to tell me?" he insisted.

'Maybe tomorrow." I mumbled and closed my eyes.

I didn't talk much on the way to Larson House and barely looked at Aunt Tiffany as we loaded the car with the gifts, the conversation we had the previous night was still fresh in my brain. She knew it too, because neither did she try to talk to me yet. The odd silence among us was clear to everyone present but no one questioned it in front of us, I was prepared to be bombarded with questions the second we left and I wasn't sure how I would answer if Doc was the first to ask. What was I supposed to tell him? That his wife broke my mom's heart by cheating with her ex-boyfriend? I didn't want things to go bad between them either.

Basically I was at a stump. 

"So is there anyone new there?" I heard Donghyuck ask Doc in the front, Tim and I shared the backseat. 

"A few new faces, but there's a few that you know left. Britt's there, Naoki..." Doc trailed on.

"He's still holding up huh? What about Lana..."

My attention drifted away rather fast, and my eyes were soon looking out the window. If she had known it'd hurt my mom, why did she do it? Sure she said it was a stupid thing to do, but she also said they were soulmates - was that bond between them not strong enough? Then perhaps she felt guilty for what she did and took me in, and maybe the only reason she ever took me in was for remorse. That meant I didn't matter to her much at the begining...

As I sighed I felt something touch my hand, so I turned to Timothy who was texting just as my phone vibrated. He beckoned at my phone without saying anything, so I followed suit without objection. It appeared to be a text - from him.

You can talk about it when you feel comfortable, it's okay. I was just worried about you cuz you look pretty tired, didn't get enough sleep?

I broke into a faint smile and nodded in response, to which he squeezed my hand. He grinned and started typing again. 

You don't have to ask to lean on someone who cares about you, you know :)

I peered at Doc and Donghyuck who were still talking without looking at the back once. Then it hit me that none of that actually mattered, I didn't need to care about that and the offer was tempting. Gradually, I shifted closer to him, wraped my arm around his and rested my head on his shoulder. I did it ever so lightly, cautious and then slowly loosening up as soon as that odd comfort sinked in like a warm cup of coffee. That feeling made me sleepy and soon I could finally close my eyes for some rest. 

There was no problem while I slept, breathing in the scent of fresh orchids.