*Donghyuck's P.O.V*

"USYD's offering?" Felix asked, for the tenth time already during our three minute conversation. "You're not ting on me are you?"

I grinned ear to ear at the letter written in bold, the miracle in a million possibilities. It was so far-fetched from what I imagined (I imagined working at the cinema for life because I dropped out of school) and yet I was bestowed the greatest gift I never thought I would have. USYD was far, far away from where I lived.

But it was so close to where Felix was, and that was all that mattered.

"If I was lying, I'd myself Felix." I said, but I was in a good mood so I smiled. "What about you?"

"Same place where you're headed." I could tell he was smiling on the other side as well. "I...can't believe we're gonna see each other soon, I thought it'd be an eternity. And I get to study what I love, best day of my life!"

"Film making? Good for you."

"And you?"

And that was when something - not painful, but a slight twist was present in my soul. "I got...finance." I blurted, still digesting what I was saying. "Huh."

"Finance? Wow, didn't know you had a thing for counting money." Felix joked. 

"Didn't think I'd get something like this, I don't even know how to convert pounds to dollars to even won." I said. There had to be a mistake, finance was never an option that crossed my mind. I at money, how was I going to deal with a whole life surrounded by managing that? I looked through the other letters, two were from Mark (it was all part of the thing Aunt Tiffany said as 'closure' to make sure we had authentic interraction, I still didn't understand that) and another acceptance letter. I opened the second one.

Congratulations, I am delighted to inform you that you have been admitted to Stanford Medical School under our scholarship-

"Donghyuck?" Doc said after knocking. 

"Y-yeah, coming!" I cried, and I had hoped he didn't open the door. I slid all the letter under the blanket. 

"Hey," Doc said. "Your aunt's calling for dinner. Are you on the phone at the moment?" 

"Felix." I told him.

"Oh in that case, I'll be downstairs. But not too long, alright buddy?" he winked and closed the door again.

I let out a breath, "Sorry, that was Doc."

"It's nothing, and you should joining them for dinner too. And when are you gonna tell them about USYD?"

I pursed my lips, "Maybe at dinner? All conversations start during dinner anyway."

The pasta was too spicy, I was still wondering how Aunt Tiffany could digest it with a baby literally living inside her.

"So," I choked when Doc switched the conversation. "how was work?"

"Er, was okay I guess. I mean only fifteen people showed up since no one really come to the movies on Mondays." I was contemplating on getting to the point or not, the letter was tucked in my pocket. 

I reread the Stanford letter after ending the call, to really make sure I wasn't imagining the whole thing. I had dreamed about getting into a medical school, if my papers did well, and expected nothing more. Those were dreams, too distant to achieve. The only reason why I applied for it was through the essay competition the English teacher had made compulsory for the whole class to enter, if I didn't do it I'd get detention. That was why I managed to complete it in time. 

Plus my essay was stupid anyway. Only the foolish would take it as a reason for someone with bad grades to enter medical school when their minds were just as messed up.

"I think you once said that you were interested in psychology, right Donghyuck?" Aunt Tiffany suddenly brought up. "That's great!"

"Speaking about that, I went around my office the other day and came across some books I thought you'd like to read!" and Doc got up from his seat and took the keys to his car. "Forgot them in the backseat, I'll go get them."

"You don't really need to, it can wait after dinner-"

"Nono, it's fine." he ignored me and went outside. That only made me even more reluctant to break it to him. 

When he came back, he showed me three books all about psychology. "I know you don't like books with lots of writing in them so I picked ones with more pictures and less sentences," he showed me the inside, all enthusiastic. "If you like, I think there's a few lectures from my professors back in my time when I was just like you, I felt all those classes were unbearable so I recorded them all." he chuckled. "Have a look."

I laughed nervously, "Thanks a lot, Doc." and I set the books aside to my plate of pasta. I my lips, still weary on whether breaking it to him. It was no use dragging it, I had already made up my mind. I was going, it was my one way ticket to Felix. "The entry letters came in today, I got USYD." I blurted.

He stopped looking at me, "Oh, USYD's as in the Univerisity of Sydney?" he asked. "Australia?"

I nodded solemnly, "Yeah, off the Gold Coast."

"That's well...um...far." he commented, I could tell he was still digesting the information. "Did you apply for it? In what course?"

"I kinda did, sort of," then I realized it wasn't much of an answer, I cleared my throat. "-but yes and I got finance." It sounded so wrong just saying it.

He stared for a while, "Finance? Wow." he remarked as he poked at his food. "That's unexpected, but h-how are you feeling about it?"

I had to think of a better answer. "It's a challenge, but hey, life's all about challenges right? Maybe I should try something new."

"But it's far." Doc added. "I'm worried you can't adapt well there, you know changes can be scary."

I shrugged, "Maybe a change is good, being out of my comfort zone - like working at the movies right now - is right for me. Like you said, I should try something new."

"Yes but take things step by step, Donghyuck. You're still young, if you want to study abroad I'm all for it - but are you ready for it? Being by yourself?"

I frowned, "Felix's there, I'll be fine."

He was thinking hard, "Is this about him?"

"What?"

He grunted, "Look, I just don't want you to make decisions you will regret. Finance, Donghyuck, I know that's not what you want."

"Do you know what I want?" I questioned. "Look Doc, just because I said that I found psychology interesting doesn't necessarily mean I'll take it as a job." and I said all that while looking at him. 

I could tell he was hurt, if not a lot then maybe a little. 

We didn't talk even after dinner, he offered to do the dishes which was a rarity. "Honey, it's okay I'll do it..." but he was already heading to the kitchen. Then she turned to me, "Donghyuck-"

I cleared my throat, "I'll be in my room." and I disappeared up the stairs, clutching the books Doc had given me.

When I was back in, I felt myself exhale. I was about to settle the books on the desk, where I had tossed my earphones wedged between a comic book and unwashed coffee mug for who knows how long. I felt like it'd be a sin to put the books beside all that.

I cleared up the bookshelf Mark had left behind, where most of his books had been transfered to his dorm or already switched with Timothy's. I put the books on the highest shelf.

At least I felt less bad.

'Dear No One, I loved you like no other person would. Maybe your parents would, but that's a different story. You were the light to my dark, you picked up my pieces and put them back in place. You knew my shadow even without seeing my face and that mattered so much because I had always been invisible to people - especially boys - but you made everything better. Trust me, you really did. And as much as you looked perfect, I knew your broken pieces too, and I always tried picking them up. I'd give anything to make you happy. Guess I wasn't good enough for you.'

I closed the journal, "Did she really think that way? Was that how unworthy she thought herself to be?" I sighed. I told myself I had enough of reading my mom's diary entries, and I had enough of reading all her sappy love letters to Robert Lautner (I was only five letters in, but my mom could write some really sappy stuff) and it pained me, but I rathered not to know her better anymore. The more I dived into the letters, the more I could feel how much love she had in her - for the wrong person. It wasn't right.

"I told you, not everyone's perfect." Timothy objected as he lied on his bed, reading his book.

"But I just think she was better off without Lautner!" I groaned.

He snorted, "Well without him, she wouldn't have you. And you wouldn't exist and be talking here right now."

"I guess so..." I admitted. And just the thought of me being a product of their relationship. It just made my skin crawl. "All I'm saying is that she just deserved better, that being a perfect family with all the happiness she deserved. It wasn't worth it, what Lautner did to her."

He stopped reading to look at me, "You're saying it like he your mom or something, do you really think that way?"

I shook my head, "Of course not, her love letters prove that point. And...as much I don't like him, I don't think he'd her. No way, it's just what more do I not know about them?"

"Here's a solution, why don't you ask him?" 

"And let him know that he's that missing piece to this 'puzzle' I'm working on? No." I said.

"See that's not your logic and just your ego taking over. You told me before that he said it himself, that he used to be an and he regrets everything he did. He did tell you he'd do anything to not be that person he once was, all when he had no idea he was your dad. Doesn't that prove something?"

I was reluctant to agree, maybe it had a thing or two to do with my ego. "Maybe that's true...but I'm not ready to welcome his gesture with open arms just yet. I'll get through a few more letters then I'll think about it." The journal wasn't your normal journal, it was abnormally thick - with almost every page already filled in. The only thing that kept it from opening up was the leather strap around it. The box I had dug up contained a few other things, including a few random pictures and a black bracelet with a puzzle piece.

I had put it on, for some reason I felt that was necessary (and I liked it too). The pictures were weird too, especially one where no one was in the picture but three people had their wrists in in - each having a separate alphabet when joined together would make 'F.M.L'. I wasn't sure whether to call it stupid or just downright entertaining (it could mean something else during that time, who knows?)

"So where are you headed this Christmas?" I asked nonchalantly. "Back to your Holy Oaks cabin in the woods with your Nordic cousins?" I joked.

He sighed, "Nope, just gonna stay back here and drown in another reread of 'A Christmas Carol'. They're thinking about selling that goddamned cabin."

I turned around, "Wait, why?" I had heard him talk about the cabin, stories of where he would go sleighing with his cousins. There was once where they met a wolf and Timothy somehow formulated a plan to run away from it and since then all his cousins called him the 'Wolf Whisperer', the tale of the burning Christmas tree, the Abominibal Snowman retold among many others. 

"Remember when I told you my great grandpa passed away last year? Yeah well he didn't leave much of a clear message in his will, and soon enough everyone got into this big fight over his property and especially that cabin since it's valuable. So now they're thinking about selling it."

"Who?"

"My parents." he answered. "So obviously I'm against it, I mean, if all those memories there didn't mean anything to me, it sure meant a lot to me."

"-and so you're acting upon instincts to not celebrate Christmas with them this year? You're going on a strike then."

He hesitated, "Well depends on how you view it. But hey, the cabin meant a lot to me. And I've coaxed them by saying I got a lot of work to do and I won't be back, they're supposedly fine by it. A hardworking and aspiring son is all they want, after all. My statement was music to their ears."

"You mean your lies were music to their ears." I corrected. "Come on, you're just avoiding them."

"Well you're avoiding Lautner so I guess you're no better than me." and he grew silent. We both did. 

Talk, I thought to myself, why won't anyone talk? Times like this were so sudden I had trouble dealing with them, just intense staring without words. It lasted for a few seconds, until it was interrupted by my phone. I stood up, cleared my throat, "Excuse me." I said, and exited our room.

"Aunt Tiffany, you really don't have to come to visit this weekend." I said in the middle of the hallway. "How about you wait until the baby arrives? I don't want to risk you going into labor on the highway."

"I can hold up, Mark," she protested. "The due date is three weeks away, we have plenty of time until Melody arrives."

"You already decided on the name? Does this include Fraser's vote?" I asked. "But that's out of topic, the point is when the weekend arrives it'll be two weeks. I'm sure Doc thinks the same way like I do."

"When you're aunt's being stubborn, even her husband can't change her mind!" I could hear Doc yell from a distance on the other side of the phone.

"Oh hush!" Aunt Tiffany said to him. "Don't worry Mark, I'll be fine. I haven't seen you since you went back after your little...adventure. Hey, is everything doing alright?"

After my little fiasco that had everyone on their heels not too long ago, Aunt Tiffany had returned to her pre-Larson House phase and was careful with everything - namely me - so much that she might had disregarded her own health. That made me feel guilty again, she was the one who should have been resting and not fussing over her foster son (and a problematic one at that) and his mood swings. I couldn't afford to let her worry one more time, I'd be a sinner for life.

"Yeah," I answered. "And I'm not faking it, I'm genuinely doing okay. I just can't wait till Christmas, and how's Donghyuck - you know with Felix not around anymore? Has he been bringing over any new boyfriends lately?" I joked.

"You and I both know he's not going to do so any time soon, and I'm also worried he's too wrapped up in love. He just got his college admissions."

"Really?" He never told me that. "How did it go?"

"All the way in Sydney, in finance." she answered, in a way I knew she wasn't very keen about it.

"Hold up, finance? Are we talking about the same Donghyuck here?" I frowned.

Then she sighed, "I can guess why he's wanting this, but I'm worried it's not the right choice for him. I know how much loving can make oneself blind of judgement, that's the downside of love. People can be selfish for it, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Trust me, I've been there and done that."

I chuckled, "This is the first time I'm hearing you made a mistake 'in the name of love', Aunt Tiffany. Care to share more?"

"You don't need to know about it," she shrugged it off. "But anyway, if he calls you privately and brings it up, try to talk to him about it. And are your friends coming over for Christmas this year?"

"Will do." I answered. I had a feeling Donghyuck did not tell me yet was because he wasn't really sure himself, off the bat. "And they're not coming over this year, Somi's hosting a Christmas party at her place - it's a thirty-minute drive from our house. Maybe I'll go, maybe not. As for Timothy..." I thought about Timothy, who was planning on spending the holidays at the campus (maybe part of the reason why his parents cared less was because they were Jewish and only celebrated Hanukkah) and the usual tradition was for the whole family to spend the time at the cabin. That tradition was broken by now.

Then I had an idea.

"Aunt Tiffany, is that empty bedroom in our house still unhabited?"