I closed my door room slowly before heading up to the window. Staring emptily through the views of a beautiful garden that illuminated by street light. The same problem keeps coming again and now i don't have energy to run away and create an excuse just like before. Since yesterday i got call by my parents,this make me feel slightly uncomfortable and feel like there will something unexpected that i didn't likes going to happen. As my father wish,that evening after finish all my duties at University, i went home straight so that i can solve all the problems that keep bugging me and prevent me for having a nice sleep. 

As i expected, once again i got a news about the proposal. This time the proposal cames from my father close friend, a very close friend that got seperated for a long time. This make me more worried. Based on what my father said..this time i could not reject the proposal offer. How could i if i reject those proposal it will break both of my parents heart especially my father.

Maybe this is my fate? Fate that was writen for me, before i was born? Its not my intention to keep running from so call marriage, i even realized  a lot of my friend,same age friends already built their own family. But there's something big burden inside my heart that  although i try so hard,i can't let it go. There's one name i try to erase,his name, his beautiful name, although its bring so much painful,heart broken and tears everytime i thinking about him, why i sill and cannot forget and let him go although its being like what? 5years last i saw him.

The soft knock sound from my door erase all my though, about my father close friend proposal, about marriage, about my parents especially my father wish, about...him....

I close the window and hurried up to open my lock door room since i lock it for my own purpose. Mother...she smile so sweetly at me, that kind of smile that makes me keep question it..it's those smile for how much she's happy with the proposal news that father bring to her or that kind of sympathy smile because she know how much suffer i am. But as a mother, i guess she know how's her own daughter feel it's? I wish.

"Not sleep yet?"

"Hurm..not so sleepy...yet mum." I close the door room after my mom slowly enter inside.

"Jieun..you should stop thinking too much. If you don't agree with the proposal, just tell dad hurmm.. as your mother, I won't force you. Because remember..the one who needs to control your own future is you. But of course as a parents we both want a best for you."

"Its ok mum, what dad did is the right things for me. How many times he already worried about me? Too much that i'm afraid if i keep pushing everything that he want the best for me, i end up being a very bad daughter to him. This time, let me just follow whatever he wants, its for the best mum." I throw a smile towards her, a force smile that only me who's understand how fake it's. Everything that i said to her all lied. A lied that i hope both of my parents understood and my mum can send the message to my father hoping that his mind can change and refused the proposal from his friend.

"well, its up to you Jieun. As a mother, I just want the best for you. Your life. Your future. But if its that your final desicion. i will support you dear." Mom slowly holding my hands while smiling before she went out from my room.

I watch the clock on my table, its 11pm already. But why, tonight i still didn't feel so sleepy? Usual routine even before 11pm i already end up putting my head on the pillow and shout down all the world problem from my mind but today.....i wish this was only a nightmare. I wish a better day for tomorrow. I wish.....

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After taking a nice warm shower this morning, i slowly walk down the stair and went straight into the kitchen helping my mother prepare the breakfast. I saw dad already there at diner table reading a newspaper. He even didn't spare a glance at me when i walked down to the stair in front of him. Maybe mom already told him about what i said last night and that's make him upset and mad at me? Well to be honest, i already used with this kind of situation when i keep pushing all of his friend proposal before, well including my own neighbour. His name is suho, a very nice warm handsome man. Always smile to me but what to do. My hearts belong to someone else. Well i'm glad now he already found someone who match him perfectly and i heard he will also set to be marriage a couple months later. This makes both of my parents cannot wait to see me doing the same. Urghh...what's with them and marriage?

My mother fried rice is the menu for that morning. Its remind me for how long i didn't taste her cooking. Nearly three weeks i didn't went to my parents home, all because of my busy schedule at University. Preparing final exam for my student, tons of student assignment fulling on my table work. The responsiblity as a lecturer i fulfill it with a happy heart because that's what i dream of since i was a kid. 

"When you can take your work off?" Dad asked with a calm tone although i would predict those calm tone won't last long.

"work off?" I smile, finally dad open his mouth. I though he will gone upset and take a fast route to never wanna talk to me.

"Hurmm.. like i didn't know my own daughter.. if she keep working.. never wanna take some rest.. work..work and work.." I just smile. He knows me better.

"After student finish their exam. Why? You wanna take me go on vacation?" I feel so excited. Vacation with my parents. Hurm..not a bad idea. well a very good idea. Spending time with them. Just three of us. But...

"Huh? what are you...did you hit your head with something this morning?Jieun ahh.. I want to set up your engagement dates. Your mom said you already agree and accept the proposal."

What? There's no way...The rice that i try to swallow feel like a big stone that stuck in my throat. Ohh.. my mom and dad cannot understand what i'm trying to said last night..The meaning of the word that i'm trying to make them understand when i said 'i agree' its mean my whole heart 'doesn't agree' with it. They couldn't understand the meanings of it. I could not said anything. My mouth went dry. Even the rice on my mouth still i can't swallow it. It feel so painful. How could they....

"Huh.. why are you so quiet? Don't tell me that you already changes your mind again?" The sharp look that my father gave to me send chill down to my spine. I could only sigh try to find a little courage. 

"ok..its up to you dad.. i just... will follow.. whatever you said." I staring blankly at the fried rice in front of me. How could i still eating when my heart feel so disapointed with what happen. I thought i still could have chances to prevent the wedding from happen. 

"Haa.. then i want you to meet my close friend son next week." Dad still with his plan. Hearing it makes my heart more pain. I don't have other choice to changes his mind. I don't even know who the hell that guy is. 

With a weak unwillingly answer i said " Ok."

With those simple answer already makes dad cannot stop smiling. I'm not willingly to take those smile away from him. Its so cruel if i did that. He done so much for me that i feel so weak to always againts his request. But didn't he know how pain my heart is. Crying inside....

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Sunday evening, i prepare myself to went back to my rent house. Because of work location factor that keeps me stay separately from my parents. Of course i stay with another roommate, at least i don't feel lonely living in this big seoul cit