TRIGGER WARNING: minor bullying and use of homophobic slurs

It was small things, whenever I was walking in the hallway someone would purposely bump into me. Whenever I would try to walk back to my seat someone would trip me and made sure I fell on my face. There were snickers and snide remarks, but most people avoided me, looked at me as if I was a walking parasite. People acted as if being within a foot of me would somehow turn them gay. Everytime I walked by Baekhyun he’d always smile at me still, but other than him and Jongdae I’m pretty sure no one else wanted to associate with me.

Thankfully it was Friday and Mr.Lee decided to cancel rehearsal for the day so I was able to walk straight home. I went to my locker to grab a few books. I looked around to see a few of my classmates standing close by, it seemed as if they were laughing and staring at me. I tried to shrug it off and focus on getting my things and leaving instead. But as soon as I opened my locker I realized why my classmates had been laughing. A note hung in my locker as soon as I opened it, with nothing on it but the word .

“Hey Kyungsoo, you ready to go?” I heard Jongdae say from behind me. He stopped to see what I was staring at, once he saw the note he yanked it down and faced the kids who had been laughing at me. “Hey dickheads! do you think you’re funny, because you’re not.” I grabbed his arm to stop him from running after them as they ran down the hall, out of sight.

“Stop, it’s not worth it.”

“But Soo, those guys.”

“Stop, I don’t want you getting in trouble. Plus I’m strong, I could handle myself. That barely even bothered me,” I gave him, what I hoped, was a reassuring smile. “Come on let’s go home, you’re eating dinner at my house today remember, Seungsoo’s gonna be there too.”

We spent a few hours in my room as I tried to do homework and Jongdae read a comic. As soon as it hit 7:00pm we walked downstairs to the kitchen where my dad and brother were already sitting and my mom was finishing setting up the table. Dinner was, well awkward. Both Jongdae and I were not really in a chatty mood after the long week we’ve had, which was odd especially on Jongdae’s part. I knew my mom knew something was off, she always did.

“So, how’s school?” My dad asked hoping to start a conversation.

I looked to Jongdae knowing he was gonna say something, I shot him a glare and a quick kick under the table. Jongdae let out a little yelp, my mom looking to him in concern. She was about to ask what had happened when I cut her off, “Ummmm, school’s been, well,”

“Kyungsoo’s getting bullied,” Jongdae finally blurted out. I glared at him with a look of anger and betrayal. I can’t believe he just told my parents I’m being bullied.

“Kyungsoo, what does that mean? Do we need to talk to your teacher? Are you really getting bullied?” my mom asked, voice full of concern as my dad nodded along.

I took a deep breath and looked at both my parents, shooting Jongdae another glare while I was at it. “Mom, Dad, I’m gay. I’m getting bullied because I’m gay. But I swear I’m still your son, I’m still the same son and brother that you’ve always known.” I closed my eyes not really knowing what I was expecting. I opened my eyes when I felt someone hugging me, it was both my parents and Seungsoo.

“Kyungsoo, I’m so proud of you, I love you, and this doesn’t change that.”  my mom said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“I mean I’ve always known with you and your boy bands,” my dad started before my mom, Seungsoo and Jongdae shot him a glare telling him to shut up. “What I meant to say is, I’ve always loved you and been proud of you and this doesn’t change a thing.”

I looked at my brother knowing he isn’t the most emotional person. He pulled me into a hug and told me, “Don’t listen to what anyone at school says, you’re amazing and we love you. We’re here for you, remember that.” I looked up at him and gave him a smile before we pulled apart.

“Oh I’ve heard of this app Grindr, I think it’s like facebook for the gay community. Maybe we could all make one and show our support for Kyungsoo,” my dad said causing Seungsoo, Jongdae and me to turn to him in horror as we all shook our heads indicating that that would be a very bad idea.

As soon as dinner ended Jongdae drove back home and Sungsoo headed back to his dorm. I was about to walk up to my room when I heard a knock at the door. Expecting it to be Seungsoo or Jongdae having probably forgotten something I opened it right away. I was instead greeted by Park Chanyeol, I was about to close the door when he stopped me with his feet.

“Kyungsoo wait, please listen,” I opened the door giving him a look to go on.

“I’ll give you 5 minutes tops,” I said looking bored.

“Look Kyungsoo I’m really sorry. What I did was ty. I mean you’re my best friend we’ve known each other for so long we’ve been there for each other for so much. And I care for you Soo, of course I do, how could I not, you’re practically my brother,” a small smile started to form on my face as Chanyeol continued to talk. This was the Chanyeol I knew; caring, understanding, always stood up for his... But as soon as the next words came out of his mouth I realized that he hadn’t learned anything, “I mean this is probably just a phase, we’ll get through this together.”

“ you Park Chanyeol!” I yelled out not caring if my parents heard me.

“No, Soo I’m trying to apologize. Everytime someone trips you or purposely bumps into you I feel so bad. In the future we’ll both look back and realize how ridiculous you’re being,” Chanyeol said trying to walk closer to me.

“No Chanyeol, it is not a phase. You’re apologizing for all the wrong reasons! This is who I am okay? And if you can’t accept that, feel free to never talk to me again,” I said before slamming the door in his face and stomping up to my room. Who needed Chanyeol anyway, I had my mom and dad, I had Seungsoo and Jongdae, I had Michael. I had Michael. I opened my laptop frantically going to my email, I had just realized that Michael had not emailed me all week. When I opened my account I wasn’t surprised by the fact that I had not gotten any new emails from him.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: October 5, 2018 at 21:24

Subject: Please respond

Michael, you haven’t emailed me since I asked you if you wanted to reveal identities to each other. And I’m pretty sure you know who I am, hell everyone in the whole school knows I’m gay now. But Michael I haven’t told anyone about you I promise. We could still keep talking to each other even if you know who I am but I don’t know who you are. Please Michael I don’t know what I’d do if you stopped emailing me.

-Oh Soo

I sent the email as fast as I could, my hands shaking as I pressed send. I layed in bed tossing and turning waiting for a reply, that may never come. I was surprised to hear a ding from my phone after what felt like forever, but was actually only 10 minutes.

From:[email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: October 5, 2018 at 21:34

Subject: Re:Please Respond

Oh Soo, or well Kyungsoo. I’m really sorry to hear what happened to you because honestly it . I can’t believe Chanyeol outed you. Also thank you so much, I came out to my dad and he accepted me right away, even gave me a hug and cried a little bit. But I have something to say and I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I could keep emailing you, you’re a lot closer to me than you think. Also I’ve seen how our classmates treat you in the hallway, and Kyungsoo I’m just, not as strong as you are. I can’t deal with people constantly pushing me around or talking about me as they give me dirty looks. I wish I was as strong as you Kyungsoo, I’m sorry. We should stop emailing each other, I won’t be responding anymore. I’m sorry.

-Michael