Chanyeol and I got off the bus, heading towards our houses. “So when are Toben and Hoochoo gonna have a playdate. Oh also we haven’t jammed out in a while. We could also invite Baekhyun and Jongdae, and I guess technically we could invite Jongin and Sehun also but they like dancing a lot more than singing but I mean we could always make it work. Maybe this Friday, Yura’s gonna be gone for the weekend so she won’t be bothering us.” I nodded along smiling as Chanyeol spoke nonstop.

People always wondered how Chanyeol and I are best friends when we seem so opposite. Chanyeol loves talking, to anyone and everyone, while I rarely spoke a word to you unless we’ve known each other for a few weeks minimum. He was captain of the football team while I couldn’t run for more than five seconds without collapsing from exhaustion. But we also had so much in common. We both had a passion for music, and ever since I could remember I’d be singing while Chanyeol would accompany me on his guitar. Plus I feel like we fit together like a puzzle. He may be a talker, but I am a listener. He may be hyperactive, but I knew how to calm him down. And I might be a little more reserved, but he knew how to pull me out of my shell and to put myself out there. He’s the reason I was in theatre, and doing what I love. If it wasn’t for him I would’ve never gone to the audition, hoping for at least the role of maybe party goer #3 or something most likely in the background, but when I got the role of Mercutio I was so happy I tackled Chanyeol given him a huge hug. I couldn’t thank him enough for everything he’s done.

After a few minutes, lost in my head, I heard Chanyeol call out saying bye as he continued on to his house. I looked up, realizing we had made it to my house. “I’m home,” I called out as I walked into my house. My mom was currently working on dinner, while my dad was still probably at work and my brother was at school. I walked straight up to my room to drop off my stuff. I decided to start my homework now so I wouldn’t be up late working on it like yesterday.

After a few hours of working my mom called me down for dinner. Both my brother and dad were now home. My dad was already sitting at the table, while my brother was turning on the tv and my mom finished setting the table. “Sit down, I made your favorite, doenjang jjigae,” my mom said, already filling a bowl with soup for me. The tv was set to some variety show that made kpop idols do ridiculous things that would make viewers laugh. They were currently making one of the boy group members dance to girl group dances, the rest of the members and the mcs laughed as the member dancing wiggled his hips while making cute gestures.

“Kyungsoo is that one of the groups you like?” my dad asked pointing toward the tv. I wasn’t as into idols now, but back in middle school I had been obsessed with DBSK. When I was in the fandom, I had found out about slash fanfiction. I read a lot of yunjae fics, and I think I even wrote one myself. I shuddered at the memory, a fourteen-year-old writing about when they knew nothing about always turned out bad. I don’t know what I’m talking about, I still don’t know anything about and I’m one year away from being in my last year of high school. After a few seconds I realized I hadn’t answered my dad so I quickly shook my head, not bothering with telling him that I didn’t really follow idols anymore anyway. I guess he didn’t see me shaking my head because he asked me who my favorite member was. “Is it the gay one?” I started coughing as soon as he said it.

“What?” I asked after I finally calmed down from my coughing fit.

“You know, the really flamboyant one. He’s obviously a one-man Pride Parade, prancing around to girl group songs.” As soon as my dad said that, I felt my heart drop. I remembered a conversation I had with Chanyeol before about how he hated when he was in the teachers room, being scolded for a prank or talking too much, sometimes the teacher scolding him would turn to another teacher and talk about how much he hated loudmouth students because they were too rowdy and always trouble makers. He said he rather the teacher just directly call him a trouble maker because being talked about right in front of your face always hurts. Because being indirectly insulted and humiliated was so much worse. Instances like this also made it so hard to feel safe coming out, because maybe my dad was joking maybe he wasn’t. You never know with anyone, even your own family, and that was really scary.

After my dad’s comment I lost my appetite and decided to head upstairs to my room. I checked my computer to see that I had a notification for a new email from Michael. I smiled, my mood lightening up a bit. I made sure my door was closed, and opened the email.

From:[email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: September 8, 2018 at 18:37

Subject: Ugh Family and School

My parents have always drilled the importance of school and studying to me, but I love reading anyway. Plus, Some subjects are really interesting, but I think it just depends from person to person. By the way I heard this song and thought of you, it’s by the weekend, a foreigner singer, in America. The titles earned it. I think you should really give it a listen.

-Michael

I searched up the song right away and pressed play. As soon as it got to the chorus I was shaking. Was Michael trying to say what I thought he was trying to say? I was pretty good at English but I looked up a translation to be 1000% sure the lyrics meant what I thought they meant.

So I love when you call unexpected

'Cause I hate when the moment's expected

So I'ma care for you, you, you

I'ma care for you, you, you, you, yeah

'Cause girl you're perfect (girl you're perfect)

You're always worth it (you're always worth it)

And you deserve it (and you deserve it)

I’m so confused, what is Michael trying to say? Did he look up the lyrics and think of me? Did the beat and feel of the song just happen to remind him of me for some reason, even without knowing the meaning to the lyrics the song just seems very sensual. I started to blush at the thought, and then I started to smile because maybe Michael also had a teensy-weensy crush on me too. But I didn’t just wanna ask him, I felt like I needed to be in front of him for this conversation.

Michael and I have been talking for months now, I can figure out who he is. I know we promised, but how was I supposed to not try and figure out who he is, especially when he sends me that message. Okay what did I know about Michael, we go to the same school.  He loves dogs, and I’m pretty sure he owns at least one. He loves music, he’s very passionate about it. He has an older sibling, well at least one, because he always talks about being the youngest. I thought back to anyone in our school who might fit this description.

And then I thought back to my conversation earlier with Chanyeol, my best friend who I’ve known for years, Park Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol who has a dog, Toben, that he always like to take pictures of and play around with. Park Chanyeol who loves his guitar, and his drums, and his piano, and is so passionate about making music. Park Chanyeol, youngest in the Park family, with an older sister named Park Yura. My heart started to beat faster as my brain started to connect the dots. Park Chanyeol is the mysterious gay pen pal I’ve been messaging for the last few months. Park Chanyeol is Michael.