I'VE learnt a bit about my memory since my admission to the hospital.

I had once thought that I just knew how to study, and so I received good grades. When I came to the realization that I could recite my daily schedules, I thought that it was because I drafted the things myself, and I didn't once believe that it's weird I could remember it all.

But I guess I got a new perspective when I knew exactly when different persons came into my room, and I suddenly realized why Tae Jin thought I had a robotic way of living. 

At seven-thirty in the morning, a nurse comes to wake me up for a bath, by eight o'clock another nurse brings me breakfast which I don't even touch, half an hour later the doctors come by to check up on me, and if there's nothing else to do, I'm left alone until lunch time. The rest of the day goes like that, I know exactly when someone will come, and if a few minutes passes by and I don't see anyone, I grow a bit anxious.

It wasn't until the woman that I've befriended came to visit, that I realized how I use time to control my life. 

Why did I do that?

"...you have a few tests later, right?" 

I nod my head at her, "a blood test, PET scan, MRI, CT and a chest x-ray." 

I watch as she packs up the empty food containers, the graceful way in which she moves, reminds me of my time dancing ballet, and normally the nostalgic feelings would be too much to bare. But I guess what I needed all along was to accept the losses, and the fact that I couldn't come to terms with everything has resulted in me being the way I am today. 

"That's a lot of tests Ri Ta-ah," she sighs deeply, "I won't be here since my husband wants me to come pick up the side dishes he's making for you." 

I smile softly at her, "that's okay, I can manage. Tell your husband that I'm grateful for everything." 

She nods her head, "actually, I can ask my son to stop by and keep you company." 

I blink up at her, "you don't have to do that, I'm sure your son's busy." 

She flashes her hand nonchalantly at me, "he's slowly turning into a homebody, a little fresh air will do him some good." 

EVER since the accident, I had learnt how to be alone, as I had conditioned my mind to get used to the feeling.

I believed I've thrived during the years which followed, I told myself that I didn't need to seek out the company of others, as long as I'm comfortable with spending my time alone, then I should be okay. However, all I did was fool myself, and there were times when I hated being alone, there were times when I wished I had someone to talk to, and instead of trying to get a bit closer to my new friends, I adopted a turtle. 

"E-excuse me..."

Is it possible to push people away, when you weren't close to them in the first place? Should I be called selfish if I refused to let anyone in? 

"What are you doing here?" 

He quickly pulls his backpack off, "um, I have math homework, and my teacher said if I come to class without doing my homework, he'll give me demerits." 

I close my copy of The Atomic City Girls then look at him, and despite only ever meeting him once, I can easily tell that he's grown a lot. "Come inside and close the door, you don't want to get in trouble for skipping school, right?" 

His face breaks out in a wide smile as he steps inside and closes the door behind him, at first I thought his incomplete math homework was an excuse to show up here, but when he pulls a few materials from his bag I realize that he's serious. 

"Math isn't my favourite subject," he flashes me a sheepish grin as he opens his textbook, "but then school isn't my favourite place either." 

He looks around the hospital room and sighs deeply, "but I guess..." he then looks at me with nothing but conviction in his eyes, "...as of today, I won't skip school anymore, and I'll pay attention in math class." 

"Why that decision all of a sudden?" he shrugs his shoulders, "is it because I'm stuck here for a while?" 

"No, you're cool when you refuse to yield to Dad," he nods his head, "when you don't yield to him, you actually give me some strength, and so I can stand up for myself." 

We look at each other for a while, and I never knew exactly what it meant to be an older sister, since I'm my mother's only child, I haven't experienced a feeling like this before.

"Is it algebra?" he nods his head, "let's start so you can get back to school on time." 

He smiles brightly at me, "okay, noona." 

WHEN the time arrived for me to leave my room, I started to grow nervous.

Even though I know how important these tests are, there's a part of me that doesn't want to go through with them. The doctors need to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else, and while I could get good results at the end of the day, I know exactly how my luck is, and so I don't think I can take another heartbreak.

I really need to leave this place, ever since I've been here the negative thoughts won't leave me alone. It took a lot of strength to get off the bed, and when I finally accomplished the task of putting my slippers on, the door slides open.

But when my eyes meet those of the person blocking the exit, I then come to the conclusion that the other night wasn't a dream.

Hyuk's here.

Of course I had multiple thoughts running through my mind, I also want to curl up underneath the blanket and hide from him, but if I am to be honest, there's a part of me that's happy he's here. "Let's go."

I blink a few times as he walks over to me and holds on to my arm, the support he provides makes walking a bit more easier at this point, and I want to offer my thanks, but for some reason I can't open my mouth. 

"The radiology department, right?" I nod my head, "okay." 

The slow stroll to the elevators takes place in silence, and I try my best to not steal glances at him, but while I don't have to ask his reason for being here, I still want to know why he's doing this. "I thought you would tell me to go," I look at him, "but I kinda promised my Mom, so I won't leave, even if you tell me to." 

I blink a few times as the words register, and when my mind brings up the memories of the last few days, I then realize that I've been fooled. "So that's your mother?" he hums in response, "did you send her here?" 

I pull my arm away from him, we pause in our footsteps, when he finally looks at me, I could see a slight tiredness in his eyes. "No, I told her not to come, I told her you wouldn't feel comfortable," he holds on to my arm once more, "but my mother's her own person, and I don't want to control what she does." 

I don't say anything else after that, so we continue to the radiology department in silence, and when the tests were finally completed, we made our way back to the room in