05:30 - 07:30 AM

07:30 - 07:45 AM 

07:45 - 08:00 AM 

08:00 - 08:30 AM 

08:30 - 09:00 AM

09:00 - 09:45 AM

09:45 - 19:30 PM

19:30 - 20:00 PM

The current silence reminds me of the times when I remove the hearing aids from my ears and just sit alone in the darkness. And while I would love for the surroundings to be without any light at the moment, that's something I can't help.

So, I sit alone at the end of a long bench under the stained glass window, the same stained glass window that I always look at whenever I'm here. And as I look up at the multicolored glass, Jesus Christ stares right back at me, the Christian Messiah doesn't do anything but stare at me, he gives me such a deep look, that I can't help but feel like he's staring right into my very torn and tattered soul.

"I can't stand you." 

I turn my eyes to the altar where the Priest and a few of his servers are tidying up the area after this evening's Mass service. The large Cross sits untouched over the holy table, and as I look at the symbol I start to remember Jesus' crucifixion story.

Mankind's saviour had to carry his cross all by himself while people watched on, some in pity while others jeered at him, not knowing or fully understanding that he's them all a favour. And as I concentrate my thoughts on the Cross, I couldn't help but feel like I'm currently walking in Jesus' shoes.

I may not know what it feels like to carry the burdens of others on my shoulders, but I sure as hell feel like I'm dragging my own personal Cross. As soon as the Priest and the others walk away from the altar and disappear through a door, I comfortably let the tears out.

It's been a while since I've been coming to this church, and I don't come for the Sunday services or the weekly evening Mass services either. I just come here and sit in the same spot by the stained glass window and cry while looking at the altar.

The Priest has gotten so used to seeing me show up every week, and once he caught on that I won't talk to him or attend confessions, he just leaves me alone so I can get whatever it is off my chest. But I'm not crying because I'm lost or broken, I'm crying out of sheer anger, I'm angry at the Father, Son, Holy Spirit and whoever else is in that squad.

I then lean forward with my hands over my eyes as I sob loudly, I may not have been the best Christian teen despite being baptized as a baby, but I did go to church every Sunday. I said my prayers before every meal and before I went to bed at night, I even sat with my grandmother and listened to her while she read her Bible verses before bed. 

So what more did they want from me? Is this my punishment for having pre-marital s*x and lying to my mother about it?

If they were so pissed about that then maybe they should've let me die that night too. But instead, they listened on as I begged weakly for a miracle, and when those prayers failed, I begged again for my body to return to the way it once was.

However, the mighty healers and deliverers just turned their backs on me and left me to suffer alone. So here I am once more, far away from the country where I was born, far away from the resting places of those who truly mattered to me, and far away from the life I once knew.

"Grant me the strength to not burn this building to the ground," I wipe the tears away from my face and sigh deeply, "amen." 

I quickly rise to my feet and make my way to the exit as I don't want to be here any longer, I don't even spare a backward glance at that stained glass window as I fear I would throw my shoe at it or something. I close my eyes and breathe deeply as I get outside, and as soon as I open them I come face-to-face with a figure standing at the bottom of the stairs.

I blink rapidly as he smiles softly at me. I stand fixed in my spot as he quickly climbs the steps, and it wasn't until he was standing right before me that I realized the situation I found myself in. 

"Hi, it's been a while." 

I look him up and down, and for once he's dressed like a normal human being. "What are you doing here?" 

He shrugs his shoulders, "I was waiting for you, although I wasn't too sure if you were going to come out tonight." 

I furrow my eyebrows, "why are you following me around?" 

The smile falls from his face as the change in my tone cathces his attention. He awkwardly blinks at me as he begins to pat the pockets of his thick leather jacket.

I watch as he removes a folded white paper from his pocket and hands it to me. I take the square paper from his hand, and when I open it and read the words I couldn't help the scoff that escapes my lips. 

"I found it in your textbook, that's how I knew exactly where on the Han River to find you that morning." 

I shake my head in disbelief, "is this why you told me to stick to my plans?" 

He nods his head with a frown, "I went everywhere on that piece of paper but I didn't see you where it said you would be." 

I look at the date on the top right corner of the printed schedule and sigh, I crush the paper then throw it on the ground and stomp on it a few times. "Not every thing is set in stone." 

I hurriedly walk down the flight of steps so I could get away from him. "Yah, where are you going? Wait up!" 

I stop in my tracks then turn around to see him right behind me. He quickly pauses his movements and clears his throat awkwardly. 

"I just wanted to ask you if you possibly put some other things in your schedule," I raise my eyebrows at him, "like call Hyuk, or text Hyuk, or go see Hyuk perform." 

I shake my head at him, "why should I do that?" 

He shrugs nonchalantly, "because Hyuk likes the hot, pretty doctor?" he hums to himself as he glances at