I went up to the rooftop, our secret little hangout where Jimin always brought me if I have trouble sleeping or when he wanted to comfort me. The first time was when we were 12. I was bullied by few girls who I thought were my friends. We were friends at first, and I remembered being so happy to hang out with other girls, since I spent too much time with my family. This was when we decided to give time for us to spend time with our own friends. Remembering eomma’s advice to always smile and be happy, I managed to make friends that way by being a happy-go-lucky person. Or that’s what I thought. After being friends for quite sometime, they suddenly bugged me to introduce Jimin and Taehyung to them and asked me to bring them to join lunch. It took me awhile to have courage to tell Jimin and Taehyung since we already promised each other to have that time to spend time with our friends instead. When I finally asked, they said it would be weird to eat with the girls and they rather play football with the boys instead. So I don’t want to push them to join us for lunch. My ‘friends’ never gave up and one day they all just exploded. They were calling me names, saying that I only wanted to keep Jimin and Taehyung for myself while throwing food at me. I didn’t even explain, I don’t want to because of course I don't want Jimin and Taehyung to look bad, but at the same time I just realised that they didn’t really want to be my friends, they were not friends with me for who I am. The only reason they wanted to be friends was because I’m close to Jimin and Taehyung. I had to leave school early that day because I was a mess with all the food on me and I didn't feel well at all after having such realisation. I didn’t tell Jimin and Taahyung because I didn't want them to worry. When they got back, they rushed to my room to see myself sleeping, tired from crying. They were upset that I didn’t tell them that I had to leave early and I just said that I was so sick and tired, that I didn’t had the chance to tell them. They just nodded in understanding and let me rest. However, later that night, Jimin woke me up and told me that he got something to show me. I just followed him and he brought me to this very rooftop. We can see the sky filled with stars and it was truly beautiful, add his smile and cheerfulness, it definitely made me felt better.

Even tonight, the stars were still beautiful as always and there was Jimin who just stared at the sky, looking more beautiful than the view itself.

“Hey you,” I said to grab his attention and he just turned to look at me, giving me a small smile.

“Thanks again for doing this.”

“No worries. You know I would pretty much do anything that you ask me for. I’m quite sure that everyone in this house would.” I looked at him confused but then gave him a genuine smile, feeling very lucky to have them as my family.

“I thought that’s Kookie, because I’m very sure no one in this house can say no to him,” I said while putting the drinks and snacks down and sat next to him. He just smirked in agreement.

“The sky is as beautiful as the first time you brought me here. You really made my day that day.”

“It did, I remembered you smiling so bright again after looking at the sky and we chatted all night, laughing like crazy.” I nodded, remembering that bright smile of his.

“You never told me what happened that day,” and with that suddenly something clicked in my head and I smiled mischievously.

“Yeah, you’re right. I never did. Well..” I let the words hang for awhile and Jimin looked at me curious.

“I can tell you now but in return you need to tell me something that I want to know.” He just shrugged and I took it as a yes. So I told him what happened and he listened to me intently.

“Why didn't you tell us? You should have just force us to join you for lunch.”

“I couldn’t. I mean I didn't want to force you guys at all. It’s your choice. How would I know they would flip on me like that. I really thought that we were friends.”

Jimin suddenly pulled me into a hug and caressed my back.

“I’m sorry. We are sorry. Because of us, you couldn’t even have a normal school life. Now that explains why you never really tried to make friends anymore.” I hugged him back.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to be sorry. You guys are the only family and friends that I need in my life. I’m happy where I am.” I released our hug and held his hand, smiling brightly. He just returned it with a weak smile.

“Now your turn.” I continued. “Well, Namjoon oppa let me listened to your song. Your solo song.” Jimin looked surprised for a moment and sighed. He took his hand away and looked at the sky, avoiding my gaze.

“What happened Jimin?”

“Didn’t you ask Namjoon hyung about it?”

“I did. I know it’s about how you never felt good enough when you guys just debuted. You are never satisfied, and the harder you work, the more you felt like that it’s wrong, hence you felt stuck. Aandd that pressure causes you not to smile anymore.”

“Well there you go. You already know why. So let’s drop it now and never bring it up anymore.”

“But somehow I felt like there’s more to it and I want to know and understand. Please Jimin. You always helped me and cheered me up. Let me help you find your innocent smile again,” I said smiling genuinely. He sighed again.

“Hana, it is what it is? There’s nothing more to it.”

“Are you sure? Is there really nothing more to it?” He just nodded.

“Well, tell me this then. When you are with ARMY, you are truly happy, right?”

“Yeah I am. ARMY are amazing and I am forever grateful for their endless support and love. Being with them makes me so happy, I know I’m making the right choice and doing things right because of them. So again that song was when we just debuted, I’m fine now.”

“Well, that’s great. At least I know you are truly happy when you are with ARMY, and you can still actually smile so brightly.” I just hope you would smile like that to me too, I thought. “But you are really sure that I can’t save you from anything? Like anything at all,” I asked again.

“Yes, there’s nothing to worry about. There’s nothing that you can worry about. And there’s nothing you can save me from. You can’t do anything about it,” he answered, starting to get annoyed.

“Hana, seriously just stop it. You’ve been asking this so many times, for so long now. There’s nothing that can be done now. This is just how I am now. I’m sorry I can’t be the cheerful Jimin anymore. So please just stop prying. I’m begging you,” Jimin continued, almost yelling. I just looked at him, startled. I didn’t mean to get him mad; I just wanted to help.

“I’m sorry Jimin. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I thought that I could help you with something because you always helped me. You’re right, I’ve been asking for so long now and I’ve known more of the story than I ever had. Thank you for sharing it with me. I won’t bother you with it anymore if it would make you this upset,” I said as I got up to leave.

“I think I can sleep now. Thank you again Jimin for accompanying me, like always.” I quickly left as I held back the tears. As I made my way down, I felt like my heart was broken to pieces. The last thing I heard was Jimin calling my name, but I ignored it as tears started running down my face.

I didn’t know how I managed to sleep last night but I woke up feeling so miserable and with a splitting headache. My face looked horrible with the big eye bag under my eyes, must be from the crying last night. I quickly got ready and left for school because I am not ready to face Jimin yet, after last night. Thinking about it again made my chest felt tight, the tugging feeling I felt as if my heart’s broken. But I can’t figure out why I’m so hurt, is it because it’s the first time Jimin talked to me harshly or was it because Jimin don’t trust me enough to share whatever is bothering him and that made me feel like maybe the special connection I had with him is not as special as I thought.

It’s because you have fallen in love with him. That thought suddenly came to mind and I shook my head, trying to remove such thinking. I mean how could I fall in love with him, I’ve been living with him, them, for as long as my memories could remember. I love each and every one of them as family, so it’s not possible to suddenly fall in love with Jimin. It’s not, right? Yes, he cared for me more than everyone else and I felt the special connection with him but that’s because of. That’s because of. No, no. I mean I would know if I have fallen in love with him. I mean if it is when did my feelings start changing? As far as I remember, I always play around with the maknae lines, though sometimes I’m the one teased most, and Jimin would end up be the only to ‘protect’ me from their teasing. Taehyung would tease me the worst, but its all siblings love. I’m sure it is. Then, when he was the first person to notice that something was wrong and comfort me, well that is more like a best friend love. But then again all the random heart race when Jimin looked at me tenderly, and lately when our skins would touch. And now this heartache. OMG, no way. It made perfect sense, all this feelings. I have really fallen in love with Jimin. That’s why I cared more about him too and does the extra mile to ensure his okay. Of course I would do it for everyone but he is the only I have all this jittery feeling in my stomach and my heart would jumped out too many times. And this may upset everyone else but he would be the first I would think of in everything. Then again I love everyone and would do everything for them too, but Jimin is just a tad extra. How come I just realised all this now?

I stopped my thoughts as I reached school. I saw many students were gathering around, excitedly. I just ignored it and walked to class.

“The seniors are so lucky. Who do you think would be coming to school today?” I heard someone said. I almost forgot, we were supposed to be in the hall today because few ex-students will be dropping by to give us some motivational inspiration for our approaching exams. So I turned around and made my way to the hall instead. But as I left, I overheard some of them saying, “Isn’t she’s the one who’s living with Bangtan. What made her so special to be able to live with them? She’s so plain.” They giggled at that and I just ignored it. I’m so used to such questions and remarks.

I entered the hall and saw that many of them were already there. I directly went to the farthest back seat, avoiding as much attention as I could. Well it’s not like I have friends or whatever, since everyone that approached me is only because of Bangtan, even after the occurrence when I was 12, I still tried to make friends at first, or I still treat everyone who wanted to be friends with me kind, but only to get disappointed and bullied again and again when I didn’t get them closer to Bangtan. Hence, I gave up trying and just prefer to go through school peacefully, quietly and unnoticed. However, it’s not like when I stopped trying, they would also stop trying. Even before they debuted, their unhuman beauty still placed them on the top hierarchy with few others who are also idols now. Hence, people were still trying to get closer to them through me. Well, I’m usually being used, left out or bullied if Jimin and Taehyung were not around me, just like the time when I was 12 or the time when Yoongi oppa came to save us. The time when they just debuted was the worst, like almost all the girls in school would try to do anything just to humiliate me or harm me, but I never complained. Of course I was hurt a lot of times, but now I’m just immune to it and whatever they do, I won’t even bother because I’m happy to have such supportive and protective family. Now, since I didn’t react much to their harassment and Jimin and Taehyung rarely came anymore, they finally stopped and just treated me as if I didn’t exist. Which is so much easier and comfortable on my side. Plus the exams are coming up then I’m finally done with school, I just have to keep up for a few more months.

As I sat down, I heard the loud chattering, “I heard EXO is coming today”. Just hearing EXO made me froze in my seat. Now, I wished that Jimin and Taehyung would be here with me. Just as I thought of this, the hall suddenly erupted into cheers, and I looked to where everyone was looking. There, entering the hall were 6 men also with unhuman beauty, walking towards the stage. The crowds were cheering and clapping until the principal asked them to calm down and be seated. Don’t panic, I’m at the far back, they won’t realise that I’m here. I could feel the heat rising in me and suddenly locked my eyes into those icy stare. Those cold eyes that I never want to look into ever again but just did. I quickly looked away but just enough to see the smirk; the evil smirk of Oh Sehun.

I didn’t focus at all during their performance or motivational talk, all I could think of was to get out of there as fast as I could. Just as the principal said that we no longer have to come to school if we don’t want to and just come for the exam later and thanked EXO, the crowd quickly ran to the front for a mini fansign event. I took the opportunity to dash out of the exit. Hopefully, the bus would arrive as soon as I reached the bus stop, so that I don’t have to wait for it anxiously. I ran as fast as I could, and I could see the school gate within reach. I was about to make the final dash, when suddenly I felt my wrist being tugged. I almost fell back but was quickly saved by the strong arms on my shoulders. I was looking down at the time and saw the person’s shoes. I trembled for I know clearly whose hands were holding my shoulder.

“Why were you leaving so soon, Hana? It’s been awhile since we met, shouldn’t we at least greet each other first,” I heard him said with menace.

“Is it alright for you to be out here. I thought you’re having a fansign. Won’t your members and fans be looking for you?’ I shrugged my shoulders strongly to remove his hands from me, still looking down.

“Toilet break. I’m sure everyone would understand.”

“Well the toilet is that way. I’m sure you know it well, sunbaenim.” I ensured to hiss the word sunbaenim, hoping he would get my sarcastic tone.

“Of course I know hoobaenim. But now oppa is hurt, you used to call me oppa, why the sudden formality?” Despite not wanting to see his face, I was too annoyed to bother. I looked up and glared at him, only to see his satisfied smile, that arrogant smug.

“Hana, oh dear Hana, are you still holding a grudge on what had happened before? It had been 4 years now.” I could feel the heat rising again and my eyes started to water, as memories of that day flashed through my head. I blinked quickly to avoid the tears from falling.

“Whatever Sehun-ssi. I’m leaving.” I turned and started walking towards the gate but Sehun quickly grabbed my wrist again.

“No, you’re not. You know in these 4 years that we didn’t meet; you have really gotten more beautiful. I never really got to taste you that day, why don’t we make that day today?”

“You’re such a wolf,” I shouted as I harshly pulled my wrist but Sehun’s grip was so much stronger.

“As a matter of fact, I am a wolf,” snickered Sehun. I could definitely feel the tears trickling down now.

“Hana?” I quickly turned my head towards the familiar voice and I saw Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook walking towards me. At the same time, I felt the grip loosen and I took the opportunity to pull it away.

“I would have expected that your bodyguards would show up sometime,” said Sehun sarcastically.

“Sehun hyung, what are you doing here?” said Jimin calmly but his expression was definitely dead with eyes so dark. Even Taehyung and Jungkook’s eyes were dark too. Jimin and Jungkook stood in front of me protectively while Taehyung stood next to me and held me close.

“Didn’t Yoongi hyung tell you? I’m sure he’s the one who told you guys about this fateful encounter. Again,” he said, almost in a growl. But why would Yoongi oppa know about this?

“Taehyung, I can hear you loud and clear. You better be careful with what you say next,” added Sehun. I looked at Taehyung confused, I’m sure Taehyung didn’t say a word. What does Sehun meant when he said he could hear Taehyung talking?

“Hana looks confused. Oh oops. You guys haven’t tell her yet?” said Sehun with an evil grin. I looked at the three of them, more confused and curious.

“I just told her that I’m a wolf,” continued Sehun, stepping forward. Instinctively, Jungkook stepped forward hissing, Taehyung held me tightly in his arms and Jimin stared at Sehun, smiling a deadly smile and was about to push his hair back.

“Jimin stop!” commanded Namjoon oppa. Jimin reluctantly put his hand down, still glaring at Sehun. I turned and saw Namjoon oppa, Jin oppa, Yoongi oppa and Hoseok oppa were walking towards us.

“Let’s stop now, Sehun. We don’t want to create any commotion, do we?” continued Namjoon oppa, now standing in front of Jungkook, with Yoongi oppa standing beside him. Hoseok oppa and Jin oppa were standing closer to me, and Jin oppa was asking whether I’m alright. I just nodded. Whatever happened with Sehun had left my mind, I didn’t even realise when I stopped crying. My head is full of questions, on what Sehun meant by who they are; that he’s a wolf; and why are they here; why are they always there to save me at the most critical situation; how do they always know. I mean I always think of them as beyond human, in looks and everything they do. Sometimes I thought they have superpowers even, but there’s no way to prove it and it didn’t make sense. So I just ignored the idea.

“Sehun!” someone shouted and came the owner of the voice, Park Chanyeol.

“Woa, woa. What do we have here? Are you guys bullying our maknae?” said Chanyeol, defensively.

“Chanyeol hyung, you know we would never do that. You are our sunbaenim after all. We were here to pick up Hana when we saw Sehun talking to her,” answered Namjoon oppa.

“I was just trying to catch up with Hana. It’s been awhile since we met. Right, Hana?” said Sehun, smirking. Chanyeol looked at me; just realising I’m there.

“Hana? The Hana!” Chanyeol grinned and I don’t like the look he had. There’s definitely something fishy with that grin. Taehyung suddenly hissed and glared at Chanyeol. He pulled me closer, as if trying to protect me. Everyone sensed Taehyung’s change and suddenly changed into a defensive stance again, all hissing.

“Hold your stance. Jin hyung, Hoseok go bring Hana to the car first,” instructed Namjoon oppa.

“Oh that’s too bad, I can’t see her for long. She’s gotten more beautiful, as expected of her.”

“Hana, I will be seeing you again. Just you wait!” shouted Sehun and it gave me the shivers. Jin oppa hugged me tightly, hand caressing my back.

“Don’t worry Hana. We will protect you. We promise,” soothed Hoseok oppa.

Hello everyone. I'm sorry I didn't post anything yesterday. I was just griefing and being respectful to the lost of a beautiful soul, and angel, our Kim Jonghyun. I hope this would raise awareness to everyone that mental illness shouldn't be a taboo to talk about. Always be with the people with depression, be aware of their symptoms and never say it will be alright, at least not plainly like that. And remember you never walk alone, talk to people, don't push people away. Remember what BTS say Love Myself, Love Yourself.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against EXO. I listened to EXO myself, it's just that I can't afford to make BTS fight each other, plus it works with the plot of the story. You'll know soon.