“What are you cooking?” asked a voice while I was frying the egg.

“You’re up early Jimin. I thought all of you are going to sleep in. I was just making fried rice and rolled eggs for you all to eat later.” Jimin came closer to look at the frying eggs. I took one that was cooked and offered it to him, who gladly took it in one bite.

“Can’t really sleep anymore. Might sleep again a bit later but not now. Kookie still sleeping?” I nodded and continued cooking.

“You’re going to school today?”

“It's not like I have much of a choice. Of course I am going to school. We don’t really have classes anymore but we still have to go for our self-study session. Since we are in our final year and the final exams are just a few months away. Then graduation, and goodbye school,” I emphasised the last sentence while swaying the spatula. Jimin just chuckled at my actions.

“Are you going to school too? I mean I know it is your day off, but you and Tae can either stay at home or go to school with me. It’s been so long since we walked to school togetherrrr.” Giving him the cutest expression I can, hoping he would agree to come with me.

“Sorry Hana, not today. Even though it is our day off, we might still go to the studio to sharpen our dance.” I pouted but understood. The comeback was around the corner and it was usually at this time they would be super busy, what with the MV shooting, jacket photo shooting, learning the choreography, preparing for the performances and all the other stuff in between. I still can’t believe the family I’ve been living with had debuted into an idol group. We were together since we were young and when Bang ahjussi saw that they have talents, he trained them to be a hip-hop group. It’s been three years now since they debuted as Bangtansonyeondan or BTS for short. Their journey was not an easy one. I’ve been with them throughout the late night trainings, blood, sweat, tears struggle and even after they debuted, success didn’t come rolling right away. But they never gave up and just did their best to show their story and their journey slowly went up, especially after I Need U, the fanbase, ARMY, started growing and continued growing. Yet, they still worked as hard or even more so to produce better music every time. So it’s no surprise that they are still working hard despite having their day off.

“Ouch!”

“What’s wrong Hana?” Jimin looked at me worried.

“Nothing. My hand just grazed the pan.”

“What were you thinking about? You are not usually this clumsy.” Jimin quickly took my hand and ran cold water through it, gently treating it.

“Jimin, it’s fine. I’m cooking so this is normal.”

“No, it’s not. It only happens when you are not alert. Do you really want us to go to school with you?”

I shook my head. “No, no. It’s okay. I know you are busy with the comeback. I mean you guys are rarely at school anyway. I’m used to it already. You guys are so lucky that you guys only need to sit for the exams later. It’s not that by the way. I was just thinking about how you guys are BTS and I still couldn’t believe it.” Jimin wiped my hand dry and gave the small scar a kiss. My heart jumped at the sudden sensation but ignored it.

“Are you still on that? Hana, it’s been three years and you even come to our music shows, fansigns and concerts!”

“I know! That’s why I just still couldn’t believe it that I’m living with a top rising idol group. I’m sure many ARMYs would die to be in my place.” Jimin glared at me, not amused with the joke.

“Jin oppa and Kookie would be laughing by now listening to my joke. You got no..”

“Don’t you dare say it,” warned Jimin. I just looked at him and giggled.

“Jimin-ah, you need to loosen up. Smile and laugh more like you used too. I miss that Jimin who always smile adorably to make me smile. Where has that smile gone to?” I asked him again. Jimin just stood there, staring at me with an expressionless face, his usual face nowadays.

“Noona!! Why did you leave me?” whined Jungkook all of a sudden, breaking the tension.

“Kookie, you're old enough to sleep on your own already and me being the sweet noona, is busy cooking for you all.” Jimin looked at me one last time and started to walk towards his room.

“But now I can't sleep since you’re not there,” Jungkook pouted.

“Well maybe that is because you have enough rest. Come sit down, breakfast is almost ready. Jimin come eat with Kookie.” I said as if nothing happened. Jimin stopped in his track and hesitated for a few seconds before turning back to join Jungkook. I quickly served the food so that we can start eating.

“Hyung, you’re up early too.”

“Yeah, can’t sleep anymore, so might as well.”

“But we got nothing to do til later. I might go play Overwatch for awhile. It’s been so long.” Jimin just hummed in response as I placed the food on the table.

“Noona what are you doing today?”

“I still need to go to school. But that’s about it.”

“Do you really have to? That sounds boring.”

“I know, right? I mean I’m smart enough to study on my own,” I said smirking and Jungkook responded by giving me the same smirk.

“Well maybe you can join us for dinner. We can eat out after practice,” added Jungkook.

“We definitely should. Okay, I’ll come by the studio as soon as I’m done with school. Then we can go out for dinner,” I answered excitedly. It's been awhile that we ate out since they were busy. It feels great to have our family dinner again.

“Okay, call.” Jungkook said beaming; already listing all the places we could go. I looked at Jimin but he just continued eating, unfazed with our conversation.

---

I just arrived at the studio after school. I peeked through the tiny gap of the door, and saw them dancing to the new song, I assumed. The dance seems harder than before, as usual Sungdeuk ahjussi always have to up the game for the performance. As I was hesitating to either enter or wait outside, the music stopped and there were the sounds of their panting. One by one started collapsing on the floor, trying to catch their breaths. I took that as a cue to enter.

“Hey everyone, Sungdeuk ahjussi,” I said with a bright smile.

“Hana dear. It’s been awhile since you drop by,” said Sungdeuk ahjussi while I hugged him.

“Sorry! I was busy with school and studying. Plus, it’s the comeback period, I don’t want to bother everyone.”

“You’re always welcome to brighten the boys. They are always happier and more energetic when you are here,” added Sungdeuk ahjussi. I smiled brightly again and look at my housemates who grunted in protest.

“Saem!! You’re not supposed to tell her that,” whined Taehyung.

“I don’t mind noona knowing because she always brings her brightness and positive energy anyway, always brighten my day,” Jungkook said with his bunny smile. I gave Jungkook a cute pointing gesture and Jungkook returned the gesture along with a wink.

“Since Hana is here and it is your day off. Let’s call it a day. We will continue tomorrow,” said Sungdeuk ahjussi as he left the room.

“Glad that’s over. I don’t think I can move my legs any longer,” said Jin oppa as he moved his leg.

“You just did,” Yoongi oppa savagely said, causing all of us to laugh and Jin oppa just pouted.

“So any suggestions for dinner?” asked Hoseok oppa.

Jungkook was listing all the food that he had thought of this morning and Tae just raised his hand, suggesting meat. Everyone just agreed because no one wants to go through the pain to choose from all the foods that Jungkook had just listed. The whole time, I tried to steal some glances at Jimin who had been silent throughout. He just watched the whole conversation with his emotionless face. And, I’m very sure he was trying to avoid eye contact with me after our talk this morning.

“Alright then, everyone go get ready. We will meet at the front in 15 minutes. Hana, can you follow me for awhile?” instructed Namjoon oppa and I just nodded, following him out while the others started packing their stuff. As we entered Mon Studio, Namjoon oppa asked me to take a seat.

“Anything wrong, oppa?’

“No, no. Not really. I just wanted to give you a sneak peek of the album. Specifically one song.” I looked at Namjoon oppa wide-eyed.

“To what do I owe the pleasure? I thought I am treated as an ARMY, having to go through all the heartaches, headaches and endless theories.”

“You still are! We need you to be the voice of ARMY, so that we can understand ARMY more in creating our contents. Your reactions are priceless just as all ARMYs out there. But this is an exception, you’ll know why.” I rolled my eyes as Namjoon oppa said that. It still annoys me that despite living with them, I know nothing at all about their new album or anything because as Namjoon oppa said, I need to be the voice of ARMY, though I’m pretty sure I’m just 1% of the voice. They still worked hard to stay in touch with ARMY and listened to every ARMY’s opinion.

He turned to his computer and clicked a few buttons. Then the music started playing. I listened intently, it started with a deep violin melody with a somewhat Latin feel to it. Then, I heard Jimin started off the song.

♪naege malhae ~~ neoui dalkomhan misoro naege ~~ naega malhae ~~ soksagideut nae gwitgae malhae ~~ don’t be like a prey ~~ (be) smooth like a like a snake ~~ beoseonago sipeunde (translation: tell me, with your smile, tell me, tell me like you’re whispering into my ears, don’t be like a prey, be smooth like a like a snake, I want to escape but) ♪

I was expecting someone else to sing after Jimin, but Jimin continued until the chorus where he belt out his high note.

♪caught in a lie ~~ sungyeolhaetdeon nal chajajwo ~~ i goejit soge heeonal su eobseo ~~ nae useumuel dollyeonwajwo ~~ caught in a lie ~~ i jiogeseo nal kkeonaejwo~~ i gotongeseo heeonal su eobseo ~~ beolbanneun nareul guhaejwo (translation: caught in a lie, find the me that was innocent, I can’t free myself from this lie, give me back my laughter, caught in a lie, take me out of his hell, I can’t free myself from this pain, save the me who’s being punished) ♪

As I continued listening, I didn't realise my eyes started to water and slowly the tear flowed out. I looked at Namjoon oppa who just gave me a weak smile and shrugged. The song came to an end and I finally wiped my tears.

“Namjoon oppa, why? And wait, a solo song! Do all of you have a solo song now?”

“Well, I kind of accidentally overheard your conversation with Jimin this morning. And I know you’ve been bugging him about it, so I just thought you should know. And regards to the solo song, I won’t say a thing. Don’t worry Hana, the comeback will be starting real soon.”

“Ughhh fine. Did Jimin say anything though? Regarding the song.”

“Well he diligently wrote the song himself. So I’m sure it is his true story or feeling. When I talked to him about it, he just said that from the beginning he keeps on blaming himself on his shortcoming. Like being in an idol group, he felt like he’s always caught in a lie, like the things that he had to do. I mean he loves what he's doing, but just sometimes he just felt like he’s stuck, he was never getting any better and with everything that we have to hold back. So again like he is caught in a lie.”

“But he is doing well. All of you are doing well. I mean yes I know how hard it was for you guys, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, but you guys are improving each time.”

“Yeah we are, I suppose. But for whatever things he felt unsatisfied with, he blamed himself.”

I just stared into space, thinking about the whole situation. I mean it made sense but somehow I felt like there’s more to it. Maybe this is some part of it, which I couldn’t believe it myself because he always worked hard and was happy with all that he achieved. Also, when being with ARMYs, I never saw him that happy and smile as brightly as that, so I’m sure his happiness was genuine. Well, I guess it’s like a lot of things, yes you are happy but that didn’t mean you don’t have something to worry about. Now, the urge to talk to Jimin about this is stronger, though I need to find the right time to do it.

“Thank you Namjoon oppa for sharing it with me. I may not know the whole story but at least, I can find ways to talk to Jimin about it.”

Namjoon oppa nodded and said, “We should go now since it is almost 15 minutes.”

Everyone was already there when we arrived. I walked towards Jimin and stood beside him. He eyed me curiously but I just gave him the brightest smile that I could and hugged his arm.

“What are you doing?” he asked, panicking a little.

“Relax. Just wanted to walk with you, like this.”

“But why?”

“I told you I miss going to school with you guys and you chose not to go to school today, so this is good enough,” and with that I turned to the front and pulled him along, following the others. Now that I knew some parts of the story, I can’t help it to want and make him smile again. I want to work this out with him since he has always helped me.

---

It was 1 am and I can’t seem to sleep. I kept on thinking about Jimin. Thinking about the song how he was stuck in a lie. Is that why his smile is gone now? He only smiles for ARMYs now. He looked genuinely happy in front of the camera. But at home, when he's off camera, he just kept his emotionless face. But the Jimin I knew is the brightest, softest, kindest and most kind-hearted person. He always did his best to cheer me up with his silly antics and bright smile. He still cares and looked out for me, like what happened this morning but it’s just that the smile is gone. It is as if something is bothering him. But the more I questioned him, the more he tried to spend less time with me, and not wanting that to happen, I tried to question him at a minimum. Just looked at him this morning, I asked and he totally avoided any conversation and even panicked when I wanted to walk with him. Urghhh what changed him? This can’t do, I know I said I need to wait for the right time but I need to know now.

So I got out of bed and slowly walked to Jimin and Hoseok oppa’s room. I knocked lightly but no one answered. I turned the knob slowly and saw the room was dark, both Jimin and Hoseok oppa were sleeping soundly. Do I really want to bother him at a time like this? He is already tired as it is and they still have more preparations to do tomorrow. I’ll just try to wake him once and if he woke up then I will ask, otherwise I have to wait for another time. I tiptoed towards Jimin’s bed and looked at him. He looked so angelic sleeping unlike his expressionless face. If only he would smile again. Without realising, my hand pushed a strain of his hair that’s closing his eye and I stared at his handsome face. Jin oppa may be the most handsome of the group but since the beginning, I have always preferred Jimin. Not that I would ever admit that. I felt my heart beats faster and pulled my hand away quickly.

Hana focus! What are you doing? And what is wrong with your heart? I breathed slowly to calm my heart down. Come on now, focus. I shook Jimin’s shoulder lightly and whispered his name. I waited for a reaction. He moved slightly but that didn’t seem to wake him up. Okay, maybe now is not the time, he needs rest. So I turned back to leave the room.

“Hana?” I quickly turned my head again and looked at Jimin, who's rubbing his eyes trying to force himself to wake up. I went closer to Jimin and smiled.

“Sorry to disturb your sleep. I know you are tired but I can’t seem to sleep. I just thought maybe you can hang out with me for a bit like the old times.” Jimin just stared at me with an unreadable face.

“It’s okay if you’re tired. I mean you should rest. I was about to leave anyway. Go back to sleep. Sorry to wake you up.” I turned quickly to leave, feeling guilty. I was about to take a step when I suddenly felt a grip on my wrist, stopping me to move further. I looked back and Jimin was sitting now holding my hand. I can feel my heart skipped a thousand beats again.

“Let’s go. I’ll company you til you feel sleepy,” said Jimin as he released my wrist. I instinctively put my wrist to my erratic heart in hope that it would stop my heart from jumping out.

“Okay, I’ll get some drinks and snacks. Meet at our usual place?” I tried to say calmly. He nodded and I quickly left the room. Gosh, what is wrong with my heart today? It’s jumping around at almost every touch from Jimin. I mean sure throughout the years, I did feel the thump when Jimin suddenly hugged me for comfort, but I usually just ignored it and after that, it was like nothing happened. We would chat and joke as usual, and my heart calmed down pretty quickly. And it’s not like I felt it usually, it’s like really rarely, like not even once in a month. Unlike today, it’s too frequent in a day itself. Though I didn’t know when this jumping heart started because I’m sure when we shared bed with Jungkook, I was perfectly fine and comfortable with him there. Urghhh this is driving me crazy. I’m trying to help Jimin out here, having my heart feeling this way is not helping at all. Get your act together Hana! This is Jimin we are talking about. He’s your best friend, your brother in this big family of yours. Whatever you are feeling is unusual, you grew up together knowing everything. Plus he is nice with everyone; stop over analysing his acts towards you. Stop it! Whatever this is, just stop it. Please. I tried taking deep breaths and shook my head fervently as I head to the kitchen.