Stuck

Paper Toads and a Hundred Roses | JOOSUNG
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    The wind was knocked out of me the very moment that I recognized who was talking. The fear came in chills along my spine and goosebumps on my skin at how sinister the atmosphere seemed at the moment. The way that he sat on the burgundy chair and the way that he smiled at me in a way that made me uncomfortable but I thought that maybe I'll get used to it and will eventually see it as a normality. The moment he stood, my knees went weak. The intimidating stance that he has now is completely contradictory to how he was before.

     Bo Gum used to be sweet and understanding. He rarely said no.

     Which could have possibly been the reason behind his own destruction.

     He just stands there, examining me from head to toe. The way my hair is a mess and my eyes are designed by hanging bags of skin as a result of nights spent thinking; pros to cons; what to lose and what to keep; how much I could give up all in one go. On my way here, I convinced myself that this is just another test that I have to finish, but as I approach—as I go nearer this house, the comforting thought just vanishes into thin air.

     Bo Gum starts to walk, his eyes silently telling me to follow him and I did. I followed his resounding footsteps as the calm playing of the vinyl he put up prior to my arrival fades into the background of my fears. We approach a door at the end of the hall, a lone rainbow pinned up on its wooden surface. He opens it, before letting me make my way in.

     I almost bawled at the sight before me.

   There, in the bed that's situated between a closed window and a rocking chair, encased in walls colored the palest of all yellow is her. Byung Soon—my daughter. It's been years and the clawing sensation just grasps my heart. Although there's this numb feeling of something missing, I ignore it and approach the bed where she sleeps. She's in no critical condition. She's completely okay and I sighed at the realization. Never have I been so thankful in the span of existence that I've had in this world. The sight of her has put my anxiety to sleep as I thought that maybe, just maybe, I'll find happiness in her and not the situation that I have let myself end up in. I look up to see Bo Gum standing at the opposite side of the bed. His eyes are soft and it was a glimpse at the old him. His hands are tucked in his jeans' pockets as he also stares at our daughter. Although I'm still hopeful that the old him is still in there somewhere, I can't love him.

     I can come to terms with the fact that I'll have to co-exist with a man like him. But Joo Hyuk will forever remain in my heart; in my blood. The only comfort that I will keep in the years to come is that I will be able to keep my daughter safe. "You haven't said a single word," Bo Gum speaks, calm and testing. There's uncertainty in his voice and in a way, it didn't surprise me.

     "I don't know what to say," I whisper, lifting my hand up to caress Byung Soon's hair. Her breathing's stable, lips dry, hair a slight mess just like mine. Yet the nagging feeling of something I have yet to name just keeps nipping at my skin though I push it aside.

     "This will be all over the news tomorrow," he says. "They're calling us in for an interview."

     "I don't think I have the energy to go anywhere," I say, the tears finally breaking through the hard walls of my unwillingness to let my emotions take over. "I just want to take care of her for a while."

     "We have to go. It's just for 30 minutes."

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infinity-naeun
#1
Chapter 18: HOLY CKKCKCKCKKCCK

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

GIRLLLLL NOOOOOOO

I'm happy for her that she is so strong to do that but oh my goodness my heart just cracked in two pieces. Poor poor girl. Thank you so much for updating and for updating so much, too. Like wow how do you write so much? It's amazing
infinity-naeun
#2
Chapter 17: Oh my god why does everything bad happen to Sungkyung that poor girl!! Her first child has a disability and so does her second?? I'm crying
infinity-naeun
#3
Chapter 12: OKAY JESUS YOU ARE NOT GETTING ENOUGH CREDIT FOR THIS TALENTED WORK OF ART. I'm dying and I can't say enough how soul-scorching, heart-twisting, PAINFULLY good this angst has got me. Your writing is amazing at portraying those feelings, I think I shed a few tears along the way. Endless comments and upvotes for this story if I could because holy cow, I can't even express how mind blown I am. 100% holy amazing story, writing, everything. It made my heart ache in all the most unexpected ways. Bless you and good luck on the next chapter because I sure as hell will comment on each and every update that you deserve.