Days felt colder and I had nothing but my hands to try and rub warmth on my skin. The fabric from my sweaters didn't seem thick enough. The socks that I wore to my knees didn't seem long enough. I've always wondered if the weather was the reason why it feels so utterly cold. I've also wondered if it was just how much I missed him. But the clock's ticking seemed louder in his absence. My thoughts are nothing but silent words scared of being said; heartfelt actions scared of being done. If only my anxiety was the dust that I could easily sweep away or the drops of water that I could quickly wipe, I would've been ready to run to him and tell him how much he makes me happy—how he's the only medication that I've ever needed. But the direction of the wind has changed.

     And I'm still where I was left.

     "Sung Kyung," is the very first word ever said to me in a span of nine full days. It was just half-baked answers and no answers at all before this very moment. I ate. But I didn't eat enough. I slept. But I didn't sleep enough. I loved.

     But I didn't love enough.

     It had me regretting every single word that I've ever said to him. Every single deed that I've ever done to drive him away because of all these fears building a home in my heart. If only I learned to listen, if only I didn't let my worries get the best of me, I could've had a shot at happiness. That's one of the reasons why we're made to live, right?

     I turn to the door to find Go Eun there with a silent Joo Young holding a tray of food. It disheartens me to see them go so I pull my legs towards my chest as they enter my room. Despite my silence, they understood my needs. I didn't realize that I was just torturing myself with all these scenarios I created inside my head until the day came when Joo Hyuk gave up on me, leaving me in a pool of everything I couldn't bear to feel. "Unnie, please eat," Joo Young places the food in front of me as I pick up the chopsticks. For each day that passes, it keeps getting difficult to fake everything in front of Joon Seo. It makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of his innocence and it bothers me so much. Joo Hyuk didn't show up. He didn't call. He didn't drop by YG. Five days in, his manager informed me his contract has been terminated and that he's taking his licensure exam during the earlier date rather than next month. I asked him why Joo Hyuk's such in a rush but he didn't know why. My mind was blank the entire time that I was being driven home from work. My anxious thoughts didn't even bother me, the loud echoing of my worries were not there. It was just me in the lonely darkness of what I've done. "Sung Kyung?"

     I snap out of my reverie to reach for a piece of pickled radish. Everything I do, I seem to do slower. "Why don't you just go and talk to him?" Joo Young suddenly talks as my head snaps up to look at her. The idea has crossed my mind so many times yet I didn't entertain it enough to have me standing up and actually going to him. Go Eun's quiet as I started wondering why. She's never like this whenever I'm in a mood. She's the type of person to always have something to say. "You're just hurting yourself, Sung Kyung," Joo Young says, coming closer to drape an arm around me. I find a tad of comfort in the gesture. I've been lacking it for the past few days. It's dangerous to leave me with my thoughts. "I heard that he's going to take his exam early. What if you're actually running out of time? Are you really ready to let him go?"

     What she said caught my attention. What did she mean by running out of time? Is he leaving? I stare at her, trying to form words that I could possibly say—questions I could ask just to clarify what she just said. "What—"

     "He's going to work in the States," Go Eun suddenly speaks with a sullen look on her face.

     And it made me feel like everything's been floating and is finally pouring down on me, soaking me with realization. I drop my chop sticks on the tray as I face her with the tears forming at the back of my eyes, my mind being filled with so many things yet not supplying me with what to do. "He's going to leave the country?" I ask silently—softly as if I don't want it to be true. Go Eun finally looks at me and that was enough to confirm it. "But why—" I suddenly don't know how to feel or what to say about this. Everything in me's moving in frantic motion. "Why would he—"

     "You know damn well what the reason is," Go Eun says, giving me a sharp look. Joo Hyuk has probably already told her what transpired the very day he announce