Chapter 20

The Real Beauty
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Sori checked the time on her phone once again. The anxiety was getting to her and her hands were starting to shake noticeably again, only this time it wasn't because of low blood sugar.


Sori had spent her weekend laying in bed, thinking about her situation and all the possibles outcomes of it as rationally as she could, often ending up crying because it seemed like there was no solution. At some point, though, she had realized she wasn't even able to cry anymore.


What's the point of crying your eyes out if it doesn't fix the reason why your crying anyways?


As much as Sori had thought about it, she hadn't been able to make a decision about her pregnancy, and now she was minutes from her appointment and still had no idea of what she was going to do. Out of sheer desperation, she asked for Narae's opinion, and in the end it had only managed to irk her. Apparently, her best friend was of the opinion that babies were gift sent from God and they could only bring happiness, thus killing them by having an abortion was pure cruelty. By the ninth time she repeated that sentence, Sori had asked her to leave her alone for a while. Sure, babies could bring happiness and be a blessing, but only to people who wanted them and had the possibility to support them, and that wasn't Sori's case. She had no man and no job, as much as she could out of her way to keep it, then what could she do? Ask Namjoon to give her all his money? Freely disposing of her pack mates' money to have them pay for a child who wasn't theirs? Make them pay even more than they already did to feed another mouth and keep freeloading from them? No, this baby wasn't going to bring her joy. Not to her, not to anyone else.


Despite knowing that, Sori didn't feel like abortion or adoption were the right answers for her. What if after the abortion she ended up regretting it? She was more that just a little scared she was going to be one of those women who were eaten alive by their guilty conscience for having had an abortion. And giving the baby in adoption didn't seem like an easy decision to make at all. What if she wanted her baby back after it was already adopted? What if she signed something or promised her baby to a family only to not being able to give it away after giving birth? Where they not going to give her a chance to take back her words? What if she didn't know the family who was adopting her baby and they ended up being bad people? She didn't want her baby to hate her either, and there was a big possibility of that happening if it were to discover she had just abandoned it, right?


The only thing Sori had really understood out of all of this, was that she wasn't ready to be an adult. She had never even been an adolescent, how could she be a responsible adult? Not to mention that she knew nothing about parenting, babies nor had she had a good example of how to be a good parent. Jungkook seemed to be more or less in the same situation, albeit he had spent way too much time as a teenager. More than two hundred years spent as a werewolf and he was still more immature than her. What kind of father could he be?


So, not only she had no material thing to offer to her baby, but she also had no family to raise it in. What could she offering him better that a single parent or two parents living in the same house but in a weird relationship with each other as the best option?


By the time Monday morning had come, Sori felt exhaust and had come to one final resolution: if she hadn't reached the tenth week of her pregnancy, she was going to have an abortion, if she had passed it already she was going to keep the baby. It wasn't exactly a decision, but having heard Junmyeon's advice of not making a choice until after the appointment with her ob-gyn, that was the best she had managed to come up with.


And now she was sitting a painfully white waiting area. There were so many scents around her that her nose itched, but the stinging scent of disinfectant overpowered them all. It was so strong it was making Sori feel nauseous, and that only added to the nausea she was already feeling.


She was sitting there, waiting for the final detail that was going to definitely change her life, in one way or the other. After today nothing was going to be the same, whether she decided to keep the baby or not. Around her it was full of women with their husbands and mates, all looking happy as they talked softly about their babies, the genders and their plans for the future, while Sori was fidgeting alone in her uncomfortable seat. It just seemed like another indication that keeping the baby wasn't a good idea. If she was already finding it difficult now that she only has to attend her appointment alone, what was she going to do in the future?


Actually, Narae had offered to skip classes and go with her since they were already breaking Namjoon's rules, but Sori had refused, for going to the ob-gyn seemed like something you either do alone or with the father of your baby, and since he wasn't in the picture...Moreover, there was a chance that bringing Narae with her was only going to annoy her, rather than being a comforting presence. Sori wasn't against having babies, nor was she completely opposite to keeping her baby, but thinking rationally about it, Sori recognized it was the wrong moment and wrong way to have a baby. In her mind, there was a list of things a woman definitely needed to have in her life before she could be ready the bear a child, such as a good man beside her, a good job and a house to name a few, and she had none of it.


One of her biggest fears had always been to end up like her mother. Sure, at the time her mother had had her, she had an husband, but it wasn't the right man to have a child with, and she had spent the last years of her life working more than bonding with her daughter. That was why Sori didn't have many memories of her mother, especially as a teenager, since her mother had got another job back then and used to work from early in the morning to late in the evening. When she got home they had dinner together, but she often was so tired she didn't even feel like talking.


That wasn't the kind of mother Sori wanted to be. Not to mention that she wasn't a human anymore, hence she also needed a good pack to raise her child in. BTS was a good pack, Sori recognized it, but she wasn't sure of her spot in the pack anymore: Namjoon was still angry and barely spoke with her, Seokjin was feeding her healthy food but she had heard him complaining about wasting a lot of time with cooking so many different dishes, Yoongi was never at home anymore and it had been weeks since they had even had a real chat, Hoseok was pissed with her for having left while Jungkook's parents were there, and gone to EXO's pack house and was still being y about it, she had nothing to say to Minyoung, and she hadn't really been speaking much with Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, who were mostly busy with their flings or whatever they were doing when they were not playing like little children. Narae was the only one she felt really close with at the moment, and the only one who was fully supporting her...albeit she was pushing for Sori to make the decision she wanted her to.


She had five more minutes before she had to take a decision, and she was honestly leaning towards the “no”. There would be too many problems, complaints, and hardship if she were too keep it. A little voice inside her head was telling her again and again that maybe the decision would've been easier if she had informed Jungkook about the pregnancy and listened to his opinion, but Sori was purposefully decided to ignore it again. She answered Narae's encouraging text, and looked at the time again.


Three more minutes to go.


Narae had told her that since she didn't want her there, she would just wait for her at the bus stop, and then they would go home together. Thinking about having to fight with Namjoon again, and Sori had no doubt an argument would happen as soon as they got home, almost made Sori not want to go back. Maybe telling her alpha what was going on after the appointment would help Narae and hers' situation, yet it was going to put her on the spotlight again and it was going to set off the alpha once again. After such an exhausting morning, Sori didn't want to have and exhausting afternoon and evening too.


“Shin Sori?”, a nurse asked as she read the name from a list.


. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I think I'm going to throw up.


“This is your first appointment, right? Please, make yourself comfortable inside the studio, the doctor will be here soon. The visit might be longer than you expect, but you don't have to worry, it is always like this at the first appointment of each pregnancy”, the nurse smiled gently at a visibly petrified Sori, who could only manage a nod as a response. Seeing Sori was making no move whatsoever, the nurse opened the door wider and signalled that it was okay for Sori to enter.


At least I have a couple of minutes more...and it doesn't look like she's judging me.


That is the best thought Sori could come up with instead of get moving and enter the studio. It was only when the nurse cleared lightly that Sori got the hint and finally left the spot right in front of the door, where she had been standing for the past two minutes.


The room smelled more of two specific people, rather than being filled with many different, confused scents, and even though Sori could smell the weaker scents of the patients, it was less annoying. It was a big room, and that was a great improvement from the tiny waiting room. There was very elegant looking desk and two chairs sitting in front of it, a big cabinet, that Sori supposed to be filled with medicines, and a huge window. Sori looked outside, trying to distract herself from the impending encounter that was going to force to make a decision. She couldn't actually see much from the window, but it still good enough to divert her attention from the gynecological examination chair she had always seen in movies. Thank God she didn't have to sit in there.


“Good morning! I am doctor Nam. You must be Shin Sori, right?”. The doctor was a short, middle-aged woman who looked way too energetic so early in the morning.


“Yes, that would be me”. Sori wanted to slap herself for not being able to come up with a better reply. “Nice-nice to meet you”. Sori felt her cheeks warming up at the sight of the doctor's warm smile.


“So, tell me why you are here today”. Sori stared her, perplexed. Didn't she know why she was there already?


“I...I am pregnant?”, her answer came out embarrassingly more as a question. “And I am not sure of what to do y-yet. Actually, I do not know mu-much about pregnancies in general”. It felt like her cheeks were burning in flames, and she was also starting to sweat. Such a nice way to start this whole ordeal.


“Well, that is why you are here! I can help you, give in information you need to understand your situation and be able to make a decision. Are you more keen on keep it or having an abortion?”. Okay, this wasn't going the way she had imagined it. In movies, the girl just sits on a bed of sorts and gets gel splattered around her stomach before a doctor points out weird figures on a monitor, showing which parts of the baby she's watching, so why was her visit not going like that? She didn't have answers yet, what could she possibly tell her, if the only thing Sori had decided up until then was that she was going to make a decision only after the ultrasound?


“I...I am not sure yet”, Sori hesitantly told her. Suddenly the bright smile on the doctor Nam's face faded a little, giving space to a more cold and professional expression, albeit a small, encouraging smile was still there.


“Do you know all your options well enough to be able to take such an important decision?”. Feeling the depth of her ignorance, Sori only shook her head. Why had all of this to be so complicated? Couldn't there ever be anything easy for her? “In that case, how about I learnt a little bit about you and your pregnancy before we get started with all the explanations? I can also give you some pamphlets, you can read them at home and call me if you think you need to know more about one of them”.


“That would be perfect”, she mumbled. Sori didn't know if the whole story about hormones messing up your feelings during pregnancy was true or not, but she could already feel her eyes stinging because of the embarrassment. She was really trying to keep them in and not make the doctor notice, but the older woman seemed to know what was going through Sori's head, and slowly she made contact with Sori's shoulder, as if she was afraid she would break.


“Hey, come on, don't worry so much! Excuse me if I talk so informally, but you look so young you must be around the age of my daughter, and if she ever found herself in such a situation I would like someone to comfort her. I'm not judging you in any way, I promise! Do you think there is that many people out there who know everything about pregnancies, abortions or adoptions? Let me tell you, there aren't! That's why I am here. No one knows everything and we all make mistakes. You are taking your responsibilities right now, and that's something you can be proud of!”. Her words were about to set Sori off, and she really didn't want to cry in front of a perfect stranger at their very first meeting, but the importance of the choice she was weighting her down. “I can assure there are many women, much older than you, that come here and have no idea of what to do- At times they even have children already, but they have a hard time facing such an important decision”. Sori studied the gentle smile doctor Nam was showing her, and in the end she decided it seemed sincere enough and smiled back at her. “Okay, now take some deep breaths and let's start with your visit, but keep in mind that I am not asking them to judge you, I just need more information to be able to help you. So, are there any medical conditions I should be aware of?”. The doctor had gone back to her chair behind the desk, and was now waiting for Sori's answer to fill whatever form she needed on her computer. “Keep in mind that if you end up keeping the baby, this is important information”. Sori really thought it through, but nothing seemed to come to her mind. Was there really anything significant in her medical history she had to report?


“I...I do not remember anything important”. She couldn't help but ask herself what did it matter if she had a disease or now that she was a werewolf. She was pretty much sure that she couldn't get anything more than a cold now that she was a werewolf, or a very quick flu, and the baby was going to be a born werewolf anyway, thus he was never going to be sick.


“Before we move on to the next question, I need to ask you whether you are prescribed any pills for psychological condition and also if you are on a diet. Please, do not be offended by my forwardness, I prefer to ask about it directly because some people forget to mention it”. Even though Sori could see how polite and warm she was with her, it also looked like the gentle smile and eyes from before had been replaced by a more professional expression. The smile wasn't as big nor as opened as before, and her eyes weren't as bright.


Oh, my God, did I hurt the baby dieting?


That was the first time Sori actually realized for how long she had been dieting while being pregnant, and it was actually scary to think that something as silly as a diet might have potentially hurt another human being.


“I...I have been quite busy lately, so it happens...sometimes I have to skip a meal, but if it is a problem I-I will find a solution”. She hadn't lied in a long time, since lying always made her feel dirty and stupid, but she lied anyway. She didn't know if she did it because of the way the doctor was staring at her had made her feel nervous or if it was because she didn't want to feel guilty because of her reckless behaviour, but at least she felt less exposed now that she had an excuse to justify herself. Unfortunately, the doctor didn't seem to buy her lie, and her already small smile suddenly got smaller and colder. Maybe it was because her heartbeat had quickened the moment she had opened , or maybe it was the experience, but Sori decide to ignore the fact that doctor Nam knew she was a liar.


“For the next months you should stop following that diet then, or it could cause harm to both you and the baby. Even if you don't want to keep the baby I would recommend you to pay attention to your diet until you have the abortion, otherwise you might feel really sick and weak. On the hand, if you plan on keeping the baby, I will give you a new diet to follow”. Sori really didn't want to think too much about her words. Keeping the baby would mean gaining back all the weight she had lost, but aborting a baby just because she didn't want to gain weight seemed really childish, and Sori wanted to think she was better than that. “Please, keep in mind that there are many common beliefs about pregnant women, such as having to eat for two, that are not exact. You will only be needing to eat the right kind of food to sustain your need of vitamins, proteins and all the nutrients you will need, but you will not be eating for two. Also, gaining an excessive amount of weight might cause you more harm than good during the birthing process and the latest stages of the pregnancy, and that is why we strongly recommend to not gain more than twenty-two pounds, which should be around ten kilograms. That way, you'll be only gaining the weight of the baby, water and placenta, or a little more than that, and after giving birth you will be just about your weight before the pregnancy”. Thinking about it in this terms made it seem more bearable, but still... She had been chubby all along, would gaining an healthy weight for the sake of the baby really harm her that much? Could she be mature enough to see herself fattening up for a couple of months? She had already thought about exercising during the pregnancy and after it too lose the weight back, but if the doctor told her there was a way to not gain too much weight, than it was only going to be easier, right? “About this, do you mind getting on the scale? I will need to know how much you weight right now to see how much weight you will gain if you decide to go on with the pregnancy. I will also take note of your height and blood pressure”.


The idea of having a perfect stranger know her weight left a sour taste in Sori's mouth, still she knew she couldn't complain for she had chosen to go there. She was there because she had been irresponsible. Somehow, just the idea of weighting herself and having someone writing down how much she was gaining every time she went to a check up suddenly made her decision about the baby lean more on the idea of abortion. As immature as she knew she was being, she wasn't the only one responsible for her actual situation, but she was the only one paying the price for it. Sori would've done anything else without complaining, but her weight was something she considered to be very personal, and she wasn't open to letting other people know how fat she was. Not to mention that she would also have to gain a lot of weight just now that she had finally lost it.


Albeit reluctantly, Sori removed her jacket and her shoe before putting the first feet on the scale. For a moment she was horrified when the doctor made a comment about the fact that she hadn't removed her dress, but when she didn't complain any further she let out a relieved sigh. At least she didn't have to be almost as she stood on the scale.


“Thank you! Your weight seems about normal for your body type, there is nothing to worry about”, doctor Nam told her as she went to write down Sori's weight and height, “I forgot to tell you that exercising would be useful both to keep you weight and for your muscles. You do not want to reach your due date without a good set of muscles to help you!”. Sori wanted to laugh at the joke, but she really couldn't. Why was everyone assuming she was going to keep the baby? “It might also help you with some typical discomforts of pregnant women, so I strongly advise you to exercise. With that I do not mean heavy lifting, nor long runs, but long walks, yoga and so on, yes. You do not, and I underline this, have to lose weight, but only keep your weight in check. So if you give in to cravings of greasy food, then maybe take a thirty minutes walk and then have a light dinner. Later on, I will also give you a list of the food you cannot eat during your pregnancy and the food that has to be cooked before you eat it”. Why was a damn pregnancy so complicated? In movies everyone was happy, and aside from nausea , sore feet and back pain nothing regarding restrictions with food was ever mentioned.


Sori went back to her chair after having put her shoes back on. Sori fidgeted with her fingers as she listened to the doctor typing slowly on her keyboard. The clock on the wall informed her it was already nine forty, and she still hadn't taken a decision. She had to meet up with Narae at eleven, and now she was starting to doubt she would make it there in time.


“Do you remember when your last period started? Where you using any form of birth control? Do you have any idea of the period of time around which you might have gotten pregnant?”, Sori felt her cheeks and neck warming up in embarrassment once again. Not only this perfect stranger knew how much she weighted, but now she was also going to know about her period and life. What an amazing day. It wasn't like she hadn't expect such question to be asked, but it was embarrassing nonetheless. It was only slightly better than being weighted. The doctor understood right away what was going on inside Sori's head, as she told her: “You don't have to be embarrassed. As a doctor, knowing these things is only a part of my job, otherwise I will not be able to help you”. Nodding in response, Sori finally found the courage to reply:


“The...the last time we...the last time, I-I think it was in April or maybe late March. And the l-last time I had a long period was around the middle of February, but I d-don't remember the exact date”. Why hadn't she thought about that before?


“What do you mean by 'long period'?”, the doctor asked looking utterly puzzled.


“Oh, uhm...well, last week I experienced period cramps and some spotting, but then I-I fainted a-and I discovered I...I am pregnant”. Sori couldn't stop herself from fidgeting with her fingers, worried that the doctor might tell her something bad about her pregnancy or judge her.


“Oh, that is called 'spotting', and ir may happen during the first trimester, in fact it is quite common. On the contrary, I found it worrisome that you fainted. Do you know happen to know why you fainted?”. Sori watched as her eyebrows raised lightly, and suddenly she felt uncomfortable again with having to tell her about the results of her exams.


“I, are the results of my exams”, Sori just avoided the question by handing her the papers she had brought with her. She might come to the conclusion she wasn't eating properly anyway, but at least she wasn't going to have to admit to it.


There was a short moment of silence as the doctor studied the papers in front of her with her brown scrunched up in concentration. Sori could feel her heartbeat picking up its pace the more the silence stretched, preparing herself to be told off by the doctor, who was now comparing the results of her exams.


“It seems like you are lacking some vitamins and proteins, that is quite normal. Earlier, you told me you were following a diet, am I right?”, Sori bit her lips and nodded once again, “May I know the name of your dietician? You should not be lacking vitamins and proteins if the diet is balanced and correct for you”. There was a hint of suspicion in her voice, and Sori tried to think of an excuse to justify the fact that she didn't know the name of her dietician, however she surrendered when the doctor raised her eyebrows at her.


“I...I made up my diet. I had no idea I was pregnant and I wanted to lose weight”. She didn't specify how often she skipped her meals, but from the expression on the doctor's face, Sori knew she probably had a hunch of what she was keeping from her. The older woman sighed and shook her head.


“That is a completely wrong thing to do and it might be risky too. This kind of self-made are quite dangerous, and rather than helping you they often end up creating bigger problems. I strongly advise you to not keep on dieting this way for many reasons, aside from the fact that right now you have to think about the baby and your health. If you really want to diet after the baby in born or you have an abortion, than I recommend you this dietician”, she wrote a name in a post it, and put it on the papers Sori had handed her earlier. “However, I see no reason why you should follow a diet. Rather than dieting, you might want to go to the gym, as that might help you shaping your body more”. The scepticism in her voice made Sori feel a little uncomfortable, but at least she wasn't yelling or insulting her. Not that there was something she was comfortable with at the moment.


Was it really that wrong to skip a couple of meals? Like, I didn't die and there are many girls thinner than me...


“Tell me about the birth control method you were using, so that I can approximately estimate how far along are you. Also, was your period regular?”.


How long is this going to take? Seriously, this baby needs to go, I'm not putting up with this any longer.


“Uhm...we-we used only the ...sometimes. As for my p-period, it was never regular”. Sori wanted to bury herself in the deepest hole she could dig. She thought she had been embarrassed before, but telling a perfect stranger about her life and her irresponsibility was probably the most embarrassing moment of her life, especially after having heard the long sight the doctor let out. She sounded disappointed, and Sori didn't even know why since they had never met before.


“Okay, give me a moment and

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AiiSoo #1
Chapter 35: I really really hope that Sori won’t return to BTS. Not with the current mindset that Jungkook has and even Namjoon too. I was really pissed that Namjoon tried to like give Minyoung a chance and had like a benefit of doubt that she could change. Not in a million years that that could happen. Even Jungkook himself that had stayed in the pack for years still kept the same learning from his previous pack, why would Minyoung changed hers in a matter of months. Although fortunately Minyoung kept true to her personality and getting kicked out in the end. At this point, I can see that Namjoon is not fond of confrontation and he is bad at it too. Not that everyone is fond of confrontation, but Namjoon tried to avoid it so much that the action hurts his pack. He almost did it again when he tried to talk to Minyoung in early of this chapter though.
I think this is a new information, or maybe I forgot about it entirely; Minyoung knew about Sori’s pregnancy way before Sori herself knows?! Was this mentioned before? That girl is just pure evil. But with her gone, BTS and EXO has to be ready if she get together with the enemy and attack both packs. If before, Minyoung hates Sori because she is a turned-were, now, she just basically hates Sori.
Thank you for this update..!
Chapter 35: About time already. But from her reaction being kicked, I could sense she’s about to plot something evil in her head.
Chapter 34: It's good that Jungkook tried to bring himself to finally get the helps he really needed. It's the first step.
AiiSoo #4
Chapter 34: It was nice to know what happened to the BTS pack after Sori left. And to know Jim’s thought and his point of view in some of the matters when Sori was with them. But knowing about it made me angrier to the pack. And maybe Sori too. At least now she won’t be so oblivious anymore or making her assumptions that the pack didn’t see what actually happened between the members. In Jin’s case, he decided to turn blind eye in a lot of cases. But his honesty was definitely appreciated. Quite refreshing to read too.
Jungkook has taken the first step in getting better although he was still in denial himself. The woman is a psychiatrist and trained. So it would dumb do him to believe that she won’t detect his lies if he decided to do so.
I hope all goes well for both Sori and Jungkook.
Thank you for this update..!
Chapter 34: I was so happy to read this update!
hope Sori and Jungkook will have their happy ending ♡
also every chapter you write is amazing, you put thought in every detail and it's really amazing in my opinion.
take care and hope to read more updates soon :)
Chapter 34: I love it!! I like that Jin and Sori got to talk as well. I can understand it’s going to take time to build back the friendships they’ve lost with her, but I’m so excited for her and Jungkook to meet again, he’s really trying and I like that you’ve focus on how his part is going on. Thank you for the UPDATE!! So excited so so excited every time I see an update from you!
july-pupetta #7
Chapter 33: Hi, how are you? Thank you so much for the chapter! I am always happy reading this story!!! I'm glad sori is bringing out her personality and saying how she really feels, it's okay for others to understand how her feelings. I'm also very glad that Namjoon is trying to find a way to improve the situation in the group and encourage a healthier and more cohesive environment. I am happy they are noticing how Minyoug has worsened relations within the group with her prejudices and treatment of Sori. It is good the others are trying to reconnect with Sori and are taking their time to understand her and give her space.
Thank you so much for the update and I am looking forward to your next chapter! <3
Chapter 33: She's starting to stand for herself and I liked it. Thank God Namjoon has decided to do something about Minyoung. It just had to be done.
Chapter 33: I was waiting for this update :)
I really loved how Sori stood up for herself with Jin and Yoongi.
hope you're feeling better ^__^
AiiSoo #10
Chapter 33: I like that Sori was determined on what she wanted. It’s up to her ex-packmates to adhere to what she wanted or just forget about bonding again, even as friends. I guess she was so sick and tired of all the previous dramas and just wanted to settle down with her baby.
Well, good for her.
Thank you for this update..! I hope you are feeling better than before though