On the other hand, if he didn't have her, one of the only nice things in his life would be gone. Was he not trying hard enough? Was he being too selfish in forgetting about her and only thinking of himself? It was nice that she wanted to help him, but how could she when she had no idea what he was going through, even as she said, not able to understand.

At least she wasn't pretending.

Her honesty is what he liked most about her. He let out a sigh and concentrated on feeling the wind in his hair, the night was perfect. Except for this. The night was perfect.

"Hoseok?"

Slowly, he turned his head to acknowledge her.

What on earth was he supposed to do?

"Just go!" he barked, turning now to face her. "You love me? What a crock of !"

"Hoseok!"

"Well why do you love me, huh? Give me one good ing reason as to why you love me - I'll wait."

Rose frowned as she stared at him, tears still dripping down her face. How could he be so cruel to her? Eight months had meant nothing to him? She clenched her fist and her jaw followed, her nostrils flaring as anger bubbled up inside of her. Hoseok glared at her, hiding his slight surprise as he had never seen her angry before - she need not say anything for it was very clear across her face that he had royally pissed her off. The rainbow of lights along the bridge reflected off the water and shone onto his pale skin, a bright and happy glow across two angry and hurt faces. The moon shone brightly in the night sky and traffic passed by on the bridge, turning here and there. A car horn would occasionally sound in the distance.

"You don't need a reason to love someone, Hoseok. There's no bloody check-list of requirements to tick off and if you fill all of them then you're gonna be loved, that's not how this works! You'd realise that if you spent five minutes thinking about me!" Rose yelled, the tears never ceasing.

Huh.

He never thought of it that way. Most of the people he knew had clear-cut reasons for liking their boyfriend or girlfriend. She's pretty. He's handsome. She's kind. He's from a good family. They have a house/car/career.

But to have no reason at all? What did that even mean?

"There - you have no reason to love me-"

"I love you because you're you! That's all the reason I need! It's you! There's nothing else! Are you satisfied?"

"You love me even though you know I'm ed up in the head?" he shot back, a bitter laugh leaving his lips.

"Why is that surprising? You're still a person who needs love."

"No, you're just here because you pity me. You look at me like some kind of project, some broken thing that needs to be fixed!

Rose felt like all of the air had been pushed out of her.

It was enough. She had had enough. There was only so much of this she could take. Being with Hoseok meant this was something that would not go away unless he sought out professional help and she knew more than anyone that he would absolutely point-blank refuse to. He was probably too ashamed, but he needed the help. She was frozen to the spot, unable to move as her eyes bored holes into his, tears still falling but no sobs leaving her. Hoseok could see how swollen and red her eyes had become. Whatever. She was only with him to make herself feel better anyway.

Rose could feel some nasty words bubbling up, words she knew would cut him hard. It was a talent of hers, knowing exactly where the weak point of a person was. She knew she wouldn't feel proud of saying it, because any professional would rebuke her for what she was about to say, but at that moment, she'd had enough. They weren't going to go forward in their relationship. She would always just be a convenient background feature there to make his life easier and while he was a good guy deep down, he had too much going on to show it.

She was tired.

It was enough.

"It's always about you, isn't it?" she said finally.

Hoseok blinked.

That was a sudden change in attitude.

"Lets just break up."

Hoseok let out a half-laugh.

"Seriously. I can see I'm never ever going to be anything but a rock to you in this relationship. You might have me but I'm totally alone because I have to constantly work around your bull all day. It's always about you! You're ed up? So ing what, you think you're the only person in the world who's going through what you're going through? You think no one in this world has had a tougher life than you? Stop being so ing self-centred Hoseok and wake up! The entire world does not revolve around you! I'm sick of it! This is supposed to be a relationship but I'm nothing more than a convenience for you, running around after you while you don't even try to sort yourself out. I'm never going to be a girlfriend in this relationship. You're the one who can't love me. I never asked anything of you, Hoseok, I just wanted to be the one who gets to be supported sometimes. You think I don't have problems? People around you have problems. I just never said anything because how could you possibly be a comfort to me when all I do is comfort you?"

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Rose could see the glare in his eyes as they darkened with every word she spat out.

"I'm done. I don't care." she sighed, her energy drained but tears still ran down her face.

With that, she gave him one last look and charged past.

"Rose!" he yelled after her as she stormed towards the end of the bridge. Nothing. "Just piss off, then! ing never said any of this to me before, you ! I'm that much of a burden on you? Then go!"

He watched as she ignored him and hailed a taxi, climbing in. Whatever. They would be better off without each other anyway. He would stop by the convenience store and grab a bottle of soju before heading home. Then, he would get a trash bag and get all of her belongings and throw them away. Yeah, he didn't need her anyway. She annoyed the out of him often anyway, wanting to go out and do couple together. Dressing up to take pictures? Wearing matching t-shirts? Couple rings? He wanted to puke. He did enjoy the cat cafes they sometimes went to, he couldn't deny that.

Hoseok watched as the taxi pulled away and turned his gaze out to the water where the rainbow lights were still dancing.

He jumped back in surprise as a thunderous crash came from nowhere, the sound of shattering glass and an almighty bang deafened him for a second.

What the was that?

He turned back around to see the source of the noise and-

Huh?

Hoseok's blood froze over as a taxi lay over the street, partially crushed by a bus.

Cautiously, unsteadily, he made his way to the scene of the accident as people began crowding around, everyone on their phones taking photos and phoning the police.

He couldn't hear anything, everything around him was muffled, except for his own heartbeat thumping in his ears. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as he approached.

And then...

His chest tightened, his breath caught in his throat and he choked for air as he fell to his knees and crawled on the ground, reaching out for his girlfriend's hand as her eyes stared.

She was looking right through him, as though he wasn't there.

But, only she had gone.

Hoseok couldn't even make a sound as he struggled with breathing, clutching Rose's hand tightly.

Her tears hadn't even dried.

*     *     *

Hoseok sat wrapped in a fleece blanket, the lights of the police station too harsh on his eyes. It wasn't even a cold night, yet he couldn't stop shivering, the cup of sickly sweet pre-mixed coffee not doing much to warm him up or calm him down.

Son....

Son..?

"Son!"

Hoseok jerked out of his daze to see a middle aged police officer looking down at him. His face looked cynical after years of being an officer, but not unkind.

"We've contacted your girlfriend's parents. They'll arrive shortly. We're so sorry for your loss, son."

"Am I going to jail?" he asked, his breath still shaking.

The police officer blinked. What?

"Son, you're not going to jail. Why would you ask that? It was an accident."

"But just before, just before she got into the taxi we had an argument. We broke up right there and then, and then, and the-"

"Oh no, no, no. Look, I've seen this many times. It's normal to feel guilt, but be rest assured you absolutely have nothing to feel guilty about. You did nothing wrong, it was just a tragic accident."

Hoseok's free hand twisted the fabric of the blanket. That wasn't true, that wasn't true at all! He had called her a and told her to piss off... those were the last words she heard before she was killed.

Her tears hadn't even dried...

"Is it okay if I go?" he asked, suddenly too terrified of the thought of facing her parents.

"Yes, of course. We have your statement. Do you want us to call someone?"

"No, thanks, I'll walk home."

Hoseok shrugged off the blanket and handed it along with the empty paper cup back to the officer, mumbling a thanks before leaving the station. He wasn't drunk at all, but it sure felt like he was. His head was muddled with thoughts and feelings, none of which he was ready to confront. Pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, he lit one up and shoved them into his back pocket. He suddenly felt hot and took his jacket off, tossing it aside on the pavement, revealing his silk shirt underneath.

He needed a drink.

And after, he would sort himself out.

Ah, there.

He spied a convenience store in the distance.

Sauntering over, he spotted a guy about his age sitting alone outside drinking alone. He found himself stopped in front of the plastic table, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stomping it out. He could feel the guy's eyes on him.

"Pour me a shot?" he asked.

The blonde haired guy looked at him for a moment. The brown haired guy didn't seem to be homeless, just a bit haggard. His pale skin and slouched posture didn't help his look. Without a word, he poured a shot into the paper cup and handed it over. Hoseok accepted it and downed it in one go, the alcohol bringing a cleansing burn down his throat.

Yes. A bottle of that would do tonight.

"Thanks." he mumbled, putting the cup back down and giving him a wry smile before heading into the convenience store, straight to the fridges where he picked up two bottles of soju and another pack of cigarettes, handing the money over and taking the small black bag with his receipt.

The bell on the store door rang as he stepped outside again.

He sat down at the now vacant plastic table and took out the soju and paper shot glass, twisting the cap open and pouring a shot into the sturdy little cup. He raised it to his lips, but then stopped as it reached his lips.

He didn't even want to drink.

He crumpled the cup in his hand, soju spilling over himself, though he didn't notice. He stood up and threw the cup as far as he could, yelling loudly, dropping to a squat, his hands over his head as tears finally came in abundance.

It was a silent night.

The breeze blew gently in his hair.

But he didn't notice.

It was warm.

A late August night.

His parting words were burned into his memory.

He didn't want to be alone.