Rose would be late. She was always late, and for once that was something Hoseok was grateful for. He sat on the floor of his apartment staring at the bottle of alcohol and bottle of pills before him. He blinked slowly, the feeling of having nothing to live for was overwhelming and the lack of fear when faced with death did not make a good combination. He felt so heavy, like the world was trying to pull him into the ground. He couldn't sleep. He had no appetite. He was thinking too much about everything and keeping himself awake and his stomach filled with a queasiness that wouldn't go away. Why was he even here? The only thing he had aside from his ty bartending job was a key to a dance studio. Even that wasn't interesting any more. Oh, and there was Rose. As Hoseok was about to reach for the bottle of rum, the jingle of his door lock successfully opening distracted him and he didn't have time to clear up before Rose would notice. And so he froze, shame and dread slowly filling his body.

"I know I said I would come later, but I just missed you so much that I wanted to come early. Also, I was outside and saw an auntie at the market selling the grilled eel you love, so I picked it up for you. We can have it for dinner." she smiled, before quickly noticing the expression on her boyfriend's face. "What've you done?"

"Nothing." he replied, scratching the back of his neck.

Frowning, Rose entered the living area and immediately spotted the alcohol and pills. She looked from them to Hoseok, her expression one of exasperation rather than fear or concern. Hoseok lowered his eyes, daring not look at her. Yeah, he knew he shouldn't be doing that. He shouldn't be thinking about it, but he was. For some reason, Rose didn't even enter his head. Who would even care if he wasn't there? He was hardly worth anything to anyone anyway. Why would it matter if he wasn't there. Glancing up once more, he saw Rose's expression had turned to anger, her nostrils were flaring and her jaw was set.

"You should leave." Hoseok continued, nodding to the door as he got up and took the food from her.

"Leave? And let you do something stupid?"

"I wasn't going to do anything!" he argued.

"You couldn't make it any more obvious!" she shot back. "What in the world is wrong with you, Hoseok?"

"A lot! Everything is wrong with me, I'm ed up, you know that!"

Rose reached down and grabbed the pills and alcohol.

"What're you doing?" he demanded, tossing the eel into the kitchen sink as she ran into the bathroom, smashing the bottle against the side of the bath. "You'll hurt yourself! Stop that!"

Hoseok pulled her away from the shards of broken glass and as he tried to check her over, she pushed him away, only making his own anger rise. She didn't even give a about herself after smashing glass so carelessly in his home? How could she be so reckless. She had no idea what he was going through, who was she to take away things that would help him cope? Without a word, Hoseok pushed past Rose, storming into the living space, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door, his girlfriend hot on his trail and yelling after him.

Rose almost had to run to keep up with him as he wound through the neighbourhood streets, all the while throwing out questions he refused to answer. Rose could feel her heart sinking the further they went and the longer he refused to even look at her. The thought that he might just go and never look back at her was too upsetting for her to even entertain, so she kept following him as he headed for the main road. She wouldn't give up. No way. There was no way he was getting rid of her that easily. How dare he! The crosswalk light turned green as soon as he stepped on to the road and so she was able to keep going. She had a stitch in her side because she hadn't eaten much that day and her feet hurt from following her boyfriend around in heels he had bought her for her birthday last year.

How could he be so cold towards her after all this time?

She knew he had been through hard times, and he still struggled, and it just dawned on her that if she hadn't arrived early then she might well have come too late and there wouldn't have been anyone to argue with any longer.

Rose had a lump in and let out a sob with her next breath, her breathing now becoming more desperate.

"Would you just look at me!" Rose cried, strangers heads turning all around.

But he didn't turn around, acting as though he couldn't even hear her. He kept walking and she looked like a crazy person. But she didn't care, she would follow him wherever he was going. Her heart was breaking, she knew he was hiding something more from her the whole time but she didn't know what. Did he really think that little of her that he felt like he couldn't go to her to talk? She didn't know much about that, but she had heard of anxiety and depression and bipolar and all of those things. Whatever it was, she didn't care. She just wanted him to be okay.

Hoseok continued to ignore her steps as he ascended the stairs to the overhead pass, her heels making way too much noise. She was tired, he could tell. She always stomped her feet when she was tired. Maybe she would give up soon and leave him alone. He kept going at his brisk pace. He didn't even know where he was headed to, but he wanted to get there fast. Nothing was filling the emptiness he felt inside, nothing felt interesting anymore. So what was he supposed to do? He wasn't even able to find out what he wanted to do with his life, he didn't have any dreams, he didn't have any ambitions, any sense of drive had left him and he couldn't understand why the hell he was brought into the world. Why, why, why was he even born? His parents wanted him, sure, but so what? He was just another person amongst the other seven billion who would be forced for the rest of their lives to work in jobs they barely tolerated with people they didn't like to pay bills and taxes just so they wouldn't die on the street.

Without a dream, was that really all there was to life?

Was that it?

Why even be alive, then?

Rose could see he had totally zoned out. He was in his own world and probably nothing would burst the bubble he was in until something snapped him out of it. Why did he have to be like this? Why was he such a hard person to please? Why would he treat her kindly and then flip a switch and become cold like this? It wasn't the first time he had done it, though usually when she called him out on his bull he realised what he was doing wasn't right and would apologise. This time was different. This time his own anger was probably inflamed by her. Why did she have to be so dramatic? Why didn't she just take the away and put it back where it was supposed to be? Why did her own anger take over?

Because she was terrified of not having him around.

Tears began to well again in her eyes as Hoseok made his way over a stone bridge, lit up by the colourful lights underneath it that reflected off the surface of the river. They had only been dating for just under a year, but they had formed a strong connection, ever since she had spotted him while with her friends drinking at his bar, she had given him a note with their order and included her phone number at the bottom. Cheesy move, but he had really caught her eye. He had noticed her too when the group of girls came in and when the one with big, wavy, peach coloured hair and the stunning features laughed loudly, he thought she looked like a goddess. She had seemed perfect and untouchable, so her making the first move really made an impression on him.

Yet 8 months later, they found themselves like this.

What happened?

"Hoseok... Ho.. I can't..." Rose trailed, her side becoming too sore, her feet burning and her heart racing as she eventually came to a halt on the apex of the bridge.

Hoseok kept going.

Still not looking back.

"Hoseok!" she called.

Nothing.

"Hoseok!" she yelled.

He was getting further away. Tears were well and truly running down her face and it was taking all of her strength to not break down right there. Perhaps now would be the best time to say it.

"Hoseok!" she yelled, as loudly as she could. "I love you!"

He stopped dead at the foot of the bridge, his fingers curling into his palms. Love? He couldn't remember the last time he had heard those words from anyone. Was it true? How could it be? He let out a bitter laugh. What was she even doing, who on earth could even be bothered with loving him? It was hardly possible. He didn't even like being around himself most of the time. He closed his eyes and tried not to picture Rose as he heard her panting, her voice choked up and her staggered footsteps scraping off the stone bridge as she tried to go down and closer to him.

"You can't just be like this and not tell me what's going on. That's not fair." she said. "I love you, Hoseok. I don't know what you're going through, and I probably won't be able to understand, but I'm here. I will listen to you."

Her boyfriend scrunched the fabric of his sweater sleeves. There were a lot of things to consider, but he ought to answer to her first. Listen? It hadn't even crossed his mind that Rose was someone who would be willing to listen, or even an appropriate person to go to at all for trying to fix his problems. What could she possibly do? What use would she be to him in his state?

But, she was still there, wasn't she?

Right behind him.

He could feel his own chest becoming tighter, a lump rising in his throat.

He hadn't heard those words in such a long time that he almost forgot what they meant.

But was this really the way to go? She would be far, far better off if he was not in her life. He had enough stress to deal with without having to make sure that someone else was being taken care of. He could barely run his own house, how could he possibly look after her?

He smirked at the ridiculous thought.

On the other hand, if he didn't have her, one of the only nice things in his life would be gone. Was he not trying hard enough? Was he being too selfish in forgetting about her and only thinking of himself? It was nice that she wanted to help him, but how could she when she had no idea what he was going through, even as she said, not able to understand.

At least she wasn't pretending.

Her honesty is what he liked most about her. He let out a sigh and concentrated on feeling the wind in his hair, the night was perfect. Except for this. The night was perfect.

"Hoseok?"

Slowly, he turned his head to acknowledge her.

What on earth was he supposed to do?