SURPRISE ES

Bunny: {a photo of a cuteass bunny}

Bunny: look at my baby daughter!!!!

Angel: amazing! brilliant! fantastic!

Angel: 100/10 would pet and give my life for

Tol: THE CUTEST THING IN THE WHOLE DAMN UNIVERSE

Mother: @Vivi’s dad language

Tol: sorry @Mother

Tol: THE CUTEST THING IN THE WHOLE ING UNIVERSE

Mother: …

Vivi’s dad: she is cute but not as cute as this guy

Vivi’s dad: {a cute pic of vivi}

Angel: look at that young gentleman so strong so independent

Mother: a ruthless heartthrob

Tol: what an exquisite gentlemen

Dae: truly a charming young man

Old man: what about her?

Old man: {a photo of the cutest cat u can imagine}

Tol: who is this adorable baby?

Old man: my cat?

Angel: YOU HAVE A CAT????

Old man: yeah for 4 months now

Mother: HOW THE WE DIDN’T KNOW THAT U HAVE A CAT

Tol: language @Mother

Mother: @Tol off

Tol: jesus…

Dae: @Old man why didn’t we know about her?

Old man: bc the last time u guys were at my place was the friday movie night and she was at the vets

Angel: why didn’t u tell us u got her in the first place?

Old man: I forgot?

Bunny: how can you forget a whole cat?

Old man: we were too busy trying to set our idiots up so

Tol: r u at home now?

Old man: something tells me I wont like the direction of this conversation

Tol: r u or r u not?

Old man: I am, what do u want

Tol: im coming to ur place to pet her

Angel: me too!

Ho: me 2

Old man: no way I just got home im too tired to deal with u

Tol: too bad for u I already put my shoes on

Angel: see u soon :)

Old man: oh for s sake

Tol: come on you love us

Old man: id sell u to satan for a cornchip

Old man: a half of it actually

Ho: ouch

***

Angel: sehun? :^)

Vivi’s dad: yes?

Angel: how are you my brother? :^)

Vivi’s dad: fine?

Angel: really? That’s good to hear :^)

Vivi’s dad: what is going on?

Vivi’s dad: im starting to fear for my life

Angel: nothing at all my friend :^)

Vivi’s dad: can u stop u creep me out

Angel: how was your day?

Vivi’s dad: same as yours . We r in the same group

Angel: oh is that so? :^)

Angel: btw my beloved best friend how was your dance practice? :^)

Vivi’s dad: so this is what this was all about

Vivi’s dad: u r gross twisted man go find ur bf and make out with him or smth

Mother: @Vivi’s dad @Angel care to elaborate for the rest of us unworthy mortals?

Angel: our sehunnie has a boyfriend!

Bunny: A WHAT NOW

Mother: MY BABY HAS GROWN UP IM TEARING UP

Dae: NO WAY R U KIDDING

Ho: HOLY HOW WHN WHO

Vivi’s dad: I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND FASCFASVDSHDBFBH

Angel: YES U DO

Vivi’s dad: NO I DON’T

Angel: DO

Vivi’s dad: DON’T

Angel: DO

Ho: @Angel details NOW

Vivi’s dad: guys come on

Ho: shut it noodle

Angel: we r supposed to have a collaboration with the-university-that-cant-be-named. So in one of our numbers we have to divide into couples so sehun gets the tallest guy of the other team. I just blink for a second and then they r hanging off each other laughing at smth on the tall boys phone

Angel: and that’s nothing compared to what happened today

Dae: SPILL

Dae: THE DICKHEAD MADE FUN OF US FAR TOO MUCH I NEED DIRT ON HIM

Vivi’s dad: Stop

Angel: so im stretching behind them (not that I was there on purpose so I could eavesdrop not at all) and then I hear the tall boy (zitao) say “I cant get this right” and u know wat sehun says????

Vivi’s dad: u r dead to me

Mother: WAT/

Angel: “you are huang zitao, you can do anything!”

Bunny: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ho: HOLY MACARONY THIS IS TOO GOOD

Dae: U R NEVER LIVING THIS DOWN U UNCOOKED LASAGNA

OLD MAN: LMAO

Vivi’s dad: correction: all of u r dead to me

Mother: ur words cant wound me I know what a sap u r now

Vivi’s dad: stop

Mother: NEVER

Ho: YOU R SO GROSS OMG WHAT WERE U GOING TO DO NEXT KISS HIS CHEEK WHEN HE DID GOOD AND TELL HIM HIS MOVES MADE UR HEART BEAT FASTER

Vivi’s dad: …

Angel: HE ACTUALLY DID THAT AS WELL

Ho: he Did WHAT

Dae: sehun and zitao (I guess) sitting on a tree smooching~~~~

Vivi’s dad: @Salt r u online there r some screenshots id like to show u

Angel: u cant scare me im pure

Bunny: he is

Mother: confirmed

Vivi’s dad: @Angel remember the day kyungsoo got the undercut and wore tight jeans with the black leather jacket? :^)

Angel: ASDFGHJKL HBFUYDSFV FUHSBCK NG OH SEHUN DON’T

Vivi’s dad: :^)

Angel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

***

Private chat with Kyungsoo and Jongin

Kyungsoo: so…

Kyungsoo: u wanted me to “completely raw” you while u pull my hair?

Jongin:

Jongin: im gonna kill him I swear to god gsvgvdfhsjdb

Kyungsoo: relax

Kyungsoo: that’s kinda hot

Jongin: ASDFGHJKL

***

Group chat we are one

Dae: so at our place this Friday at 8 pm?

Mother: yup

Salt: ill bring snacks

Old man: drinks r on me

Bunny: no offence minseok, but every time u bring drinks we end up drunk

Dae: we don’t mind it but tomorrow all of us have work so pls lets all stay sober

Old man: relax, I wont bring too much

Old man: itll be fine

Mother: we r all responsible adults I think we can manage it

*Saturday morning*

Ho: so… how much did we actually drink?

Mother: no idea but at some point I was arguing with the bedroom door for hitting me

Tol: why do I have a huge bruise on my arm?????

Dae: bc Yixing hit u

Tol: @Bunny WHY

Bunny: you were shoving ur tang down baek’s through right in front of my daughter

Bunny: u r lucky I didn’t throw u out

Tol: come on she is an animal she doesn’t understand

Bunny: one more word and I swear to god u wont step a foot in my house for the rest of ur life

Tol: wow

Dae: he is very protective of her

Dae: in his defense that’s very cute

Tol: yeah I cant really stay mad that’s cute af

Tol: the bruise still hurts like a tho

Bunny: maybe I can drop by and give u an ice pack???

Bunny: also sorry for coming out so strong I have a terrible headache

Tol: its okay don’t bother I have some at home. I know u didn’t mean it <3

Bunny: <3

Angel: anyone seen my jacket?

Dae: yeah, u left it here along with ur dignity

Angel: did I cry again? Im such a mess

Bunny: worse much MUCH worse

Angel: omg… what did I do?

Old man: u really don’t remember?

Angel: not a thing

Ho: but I do and honestly if anyone asked me to trade this memory for eternal youth or some id still keep it

Angel: what the hell did I do

Dae: >:)

Bunny: will u do the honor love @dae?

Dae: thank u baby <3

Dae: *clears throat

Dae: u were faced drunk and when u saw ksoo drunkly playing with tongtong u went up to him and asked “r u single?”

Angel: OH MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Old man: its not over yet :))))

Angel: WHAT DO U MEAN???? WHAT CAN POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN ASKING YOUR BOYFRIEND IF HE HAS A BOYFRIEND////

Bunny: he said “no” and u just started crying

Angel: PLEASE TELL ME U R JOCKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLS

Tol: nope it actually happened

Old man: I recorded it!

Tol: Dea and I even made a remix version of your crying along to that goat that just starts screaming out of nowhere. its gorgeous wanna see it?

Angel: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Tol: here is the link {my drunk friend asking out his boyfriend and crying when he finds out he is taken}

Dae: we gotta work on that title tho its too long

Ho: agreed

Ho: any fun suggestions????

Angel: I want to die

Dae: that’s too dark. It cant reflect the true hilarity of this whole situation

Ho: my friend

Vivi’s dad: that’s too vague. Ud post a scare prank with that title or a burnt meal not this piece of art

Vivi’s dad: how about the drunk romeo

Old man: the lost love

Bunny: the confused charmer

Mother: drunk flirting 101

Dae: drunk mess on a mission

Ho: modern tragedy

Tol: the tears of miscommunication

Bunny: wiat no guys this is too much

Angel: THANK YOU I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

Bunny: the simpler the title is the more views itd get

Bunny: lets just call it ‘the faced drunk asking out his own bf’

Ho: BRILLIANT

Tol: GENIUS

Dae: im so proud of u ;)

Angel: @god why me i am a responsible father of 3 dogs i didn't deserve this

Salt: if it means anything, i thought it was very sweet

Angel: my life but i still love you

Ho: please children keep it in your pants

***

Mother: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

Mother: IT HAPPENED IT FINALLY HAPPENED I WONT END UP LIKE MINSEOK HOARDING CATS AND SHOUTING AT LOUD KIDS

Old man: excuse me?

Mother: HE ASKED ME OUT UHFIUGBHDUIFGBJGDBNIUFHNIFUGHBNJFGBNJFG

Bunny: WHO/

Mother: THE HOTTEST GUY IN THIS UNIVERSE

Dae: im pretty sure its impossible. Im already dating him ;)

Mother: OFF JONGDAE U CAN FLIRT WITH HIM SOMETIME ELSE PAY ATTENTION TO ME NOW

Ho: HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN? SPEAK UP

Mother: so I went to sehuns practice again just to support my son and to stare at his hot captain while im at it

Mother: then I see his teammates bring a white sheet and covering the net with it and im like????

Mother: then they put a bucket of red paint and several balls near him. They put the balls in the bucket and then took them out and let him kick them straight towards the sheet

Mother: I thought it was some kind of training for aiming and stuff but halfway I saw him drawing a heart on the sheet

Mother: AND MY HEART STARTED LEAPING LIKE IS HE CONFESSING???? WHO IS HE CONFESSING TO??? CAN IT BE ME////

Mother: AND THEN HE SORT OF TURNS AROUND AND SHOUTS ‘”Junmyeon, will you date me?”

Bunny: ASUYSGERBDFHGRUTNGFGUN

Dae: IM ING DYING I CAN BELIEBE THIS

Ho: HE IS THE JOCKEST JOCK TO EVER JOCK IM CHOCKINGDVSDUYFBDDGNC

Old man: OH MY GOD JUST WHY

Salt: Junmyeon im really happy for you but this is hilarious lol

Angel: this is both sweet and ridiculous

Mother: GUYS U WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY FOR ME NOT MAKING FUN OF HIM

Old man: we ARE happy for u but this is just too much

Mother: guys he was being sweet and here u r making fun of him

Bunny: sorry sorry

Bunny: were r u planning to go?

Mother: THANKS

Mother: he knows this great sports bar that has great bear and all kinds of table games inside also there is an important football match this Friday and he wants to see it wit…

Mother: you are right HE IS THE ALPHA JOCK FML

Mother: IM GOING TO THE ULTIMATE JOCK DATE IM SCREAMING

Ho: HSGDUBFIDUSNFJDNM

Tol: OH.MY.GOD

Vivi’s dad: IM WHEEZING

Angel: its okay as long as he likes u

Dae: he is right. Sure maybe at some point he will make u roleplay his fav football player or dress u as a ball but u know its just how life is

Old man: LMFAO

Mother: there is not a single person in this damn groupchat that’s worth of my time

Mother: bye

Old man: make sure to wear a when ull in the lockers

Tol: jhsbsndnhdjnckd