It had been a long flight after a long day and Youngbae had never been the best at sleeping while traveling. He was really looking forward to destressing. The fact that the thought of relaxation provided an image in his mind of his bed at Seunghyun’s house and not his own didn’t register.

His body found itself, spent and slumped as he leaned on the entrance to Seunghyun’s place and keyed in the door code.

The sound of music and laughter slapped him in the face as he stepped through the door. He toed off his shoes and left them in a sea of heels and loafers. His usual slippers were missing.

“What on earth-” he muttered to himself as he walked into the living room.

“Youngbae!” Jiyong shouted. “The conquering hero arrives!” Jiyong shoved a beer into his hands. “Man filmed like 2 dozen mv’s and had a concert and finished an album everyone!”

Jiyong was drunk and bubbly and incongruous in Seunghyun’s living room. So this was one of Seunghyun’s parties. There was something very bohemian about it. Couples and trios clumped themselves at artfully laid out groupings of furniture, some, pieces Youngbae had never seen before. He knew very few people in the room. Soo Hyuk, Jaejoong, at least. The rest were Jiyong and Seunghyun’s crowd of celebrities mixed with Seunghyun’s own eclectic collection of artists and thinkers.

Youngbae felt like he had two heads despite no one looking at him. Jiyong threw an arm around his shoulders and walked him to a group for light chit chat. He drank from his beer feeling the exact opposite of social.

Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw Seunghyun on the terrace. He excused himself and made as if to go to the restroom. Seunghyun was on the terrace. Youngbae stopped, stomach flipping uncomfortably and heart sinking to his feet as he realized Seunghyun wasn’t alone. He didn’t know the man standing pressed up to Seunghyun but there was no mistaking the intimate familiarity with which he gripped Seunghyun’s waist.

“Bae-” Jiyong said, finding him staring.

“Who’s that?” Youngbae asked.

“Who?” Jiyong looked out to the terrace. “Oh, that’s Jaechun. One of Seunghyun’s actor friends.”

“They look like more than friends.”

“Ya, don’t be like that.” Jiyong said, turning to Youngbae. “You’ve known Seunghyun’s been into guys for a long time. Don’t give him , he isn’t doing anything wrong.”

“Yeah,” Youngbae said. He felt angry and confused. There was no reason to be angry. “Sorry, I’m just tired. Long flight. I didn’t realize there was gonna be a party.”

Over Jiyong’s shoulder he watched as Seunghyun laid a heavy kiss on Jaechun. He hissed and Jiyong turned again. “Aye, I guess they’re about to be back on.”

“Back on?”

“They’ve been off and on for a while. Since us.”

Youngbae had been ‘friends’ with Seunghyun, practically living in this very house for almost six months and this was the first he’d ever even heard the man’s name. “I didn’t know.”

“He’s usually pretty hush hush about who he dates but I didn’t think -” He broke off as Seunghyun noticed them and waved them over. “Come meet him, he’s a great guy.”

Youngbae balked, legs refusing to move. “Ya, don’t be rude,” Jiyong chided and gave him a pull.

“So much for wine and chill,” Youngbae snarked as he greeted Seunghyun and his companion.

“Sorry?” Seunghyun said, playing dumb. Youngbae was strung out and Seunghyun felt a pang of conscious. Ignoring it, he wrapped an arm around Jaechun’s waist and turned him to make introductions.

Jiyong narrowed his eyes as he watched the interplay, listened and heard through the stilted conversation. He knew both Seunghyun and Youngbae too well. There were currents running deep, pulling at him.

Youngbae didn’t stay long, pleading fatigue and making his farewells. Jiyong noted Youngbae’s glare back at the flirting couple beside him before he left. He side-eyed Seunghyun, littering Jaechun’s cheek with pecks before following Youngbae out.

“Yah, Bae,” he said, catching Youngbae in the foyer, fighting with his suitcase. “Dude, did you come straight from the airport?”

“Yeah, I was gonna hang with hyung tonight. Seem’s he’s busy though,” he said bitterly.

“Woah, you ok?” Jiyong asked. Youngbae was actually angry and Jiyong couldn’t quite understand why.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

“Oh-kay, um, want me take you home?”

“You’re not driving anywhere like this,” Youngbae said, waving his hand to encompass Jiyong’s inebriation. “Just go,” Youngbae waved, “have fun.”

“Ok, you meeting with CEO Yang tomorrow?”

Youngbae sighed like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and nodded. Jiyong squeezed his best-friend’s arm. “You’ll be ok. Go home and rest.” Youngbae nodded.

Jiyong watched him leave then turned and stalked back to Seunghyun. ery was going on and he was going to get to the bottom of it. “Jaechun, can I have a moment?”

Jaechun eyed him warily. He’d been there for Seunghyun’s side of the epic GDnTop fallout years back. Seunghyun rubbed his shoulder reassuringly and nodded to the party indoors. “I’ll be ok,” he promised.

Jiyong waited until they were alone before unleashing at Seunghyun. “What the hell is going on? No don’t try to play innocent, I know all of your ty tricks so don’t bother.”

Seunghyun looked abashed. “I don’t know, Jiyong.”

“Seunghyun, so help me-”

“No, serious. I just - we’ve been getting close. I just want to be sure it isn’t too close. You know. Boundaries.”

“You seriously don’t still think Youngbae is gay for you?” Jiyong scoffed. His mind replayed Youngbae the whole evening, the way he’d been looking at Seunghyun and Jaechun out here. He felt his confidence waver. Maybe that was jealousy.

“I know he feels something. I don’t know what. I could feel something too. I just - I’m trying to be safe.”

“Safe? How does flaunting around with Jae make you safe?”

Seunghyun shrugged. “Youngbae’s dating now.”

Jiyong reeled. “Dating? Who?”

Seunghyun blinked, surprised that he’d known first. That couldn’t be a good sign. “Hyorin, Min Hyorin. I don’t know if they’re dating really, I just know they have a date.” He tried to soften the blow of knowing before Youngbae’s bestfriend.

“So what’s this with Jae then?” Truly Seunghyun’s mind sometimes seemed incomprehensible, even to someone who’d known him decades.

“Self preservation,” Seunghyun said. “And protection. For him.”

“Protecting him, by hurting him? Because he was pretty hurt.”

“Yeah, why do you think Jiyong?”

“Because you sprang a party on him!”

Seunghyun hummed. “You already know what I think.” Seunghyun pushed himself away from the railing. “You told me to be careful, watch myself. That’s what I’m doing.”

Jiyong had no response to that. “Do you really think he has a thing for you?”

“I think he’s attracted. I don’t think he knows it’s even possible but - sometimes -”

Jiyong sighed and pressed his wrist to his forehead. He felt too hot. It had to be the alcohol. “Fine, fine, you do you.” He turned and walked out. Jiyong wavered, feeling torn between going back for another round with Seunghyun and going to Youngbae. He opted to let it go.

Jiyong 10:10pm

Hey you make it home?

Youngbae 10:12 pm

Yeah. Gonna go to bed.

Jiyong contemplated bringing up Hyorin but decided to not. Youngbae would tell him when he was ready. The thought provided no comfort but it was what it was.

Jiyong 10:30 pm

Seunghyun wasn’t trying to shove his gay in your face. It’s just him and Jae.

Youngbae studied the text without response. He knew that. To be honest, he had no clue why we was upset. He wasn’t even sure he was upset. As he stared at his phone a text from Hyorin popped up. She was looking forward to their date next week. His heart fluttered but it couldn’t dislodge the knot in his stomach. Suddenly the whole world seemed to be too much. Bed was what he needed.

Seunghyun woke up to what looked like mid-morning light. Jaechun purred and rolled into him. It felt good but not really good. Sometimes it was just nice to wake up to a warm body. He looked down at the profile snuggled into his chest and smiled. The had been as excellent as ever. But he wasn’t really up for another ride on this merry go round.

He extricated himself and puttered his way into the kitchen. Good thing I have a maid service, he said to himself, surveying the carnage. It had been a pretty good party, all told.

Unbidden, Youngbae’s face from the night before came forward in his mind. Yeah, he’d been ty. But he’d also been right to firmly establish who and what they were to one another. Youngbae would never be ready to cross all the ropes confining his uality. Seunghyun needed to remind himself of that.

“Hey.” Jaechun emerged from the bedroom clad in only Seunghyun’s robe.

“Morning, want some juice?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Jaechun took the stool Youngbae usually did and waited for his drink. “So,” he said after his first gulp, “was it just last night or -”

“Just last night.”

“Yeah figured.” Jaechun shrugged. “Man it was good though.” He drained his glass and pulled back. “You’ll call me if you ever wanna go again?”

Seunghyun smiled and nodded.

When Jae was gone the silence threatened to crush him. He needed to get out of the house, clear his head. His schedule was light. For once there really wasn’t much going on for him officially. He took his time with his shower and shave.The long cab ride over to Hongdae also helped him sort through his thoughts.

Stepping into the lobby, the receptionist for AA Museum greeted him with warm familiarity and waved him back, informing him of a new exhibit.

As he walked he reminisced. He’d brought Youngbae here several times. The first time had been rough until Youngbae really accepted that all he had to do was look and feel. There was no secret to appreciating art, for all the pretensions some of his art friends like to put on. There was just the experience and whether it spoke to you or not.

It had been fun, actually, seeing these pieces with Youngbae. It was like looking at them with new eyes. Fresh eyes. That didn’t happen often anymore.

He paused in front of a favorite and regarded it without seeing.

Boundaries. That’s what he’d told Jiyong.That was what he’d been striving to find since the first night he’d spent alone with Youngbae, the comforting walls that would define who and what they were. There was no way anyone could convince him that Youngbae didn’t feel more than strictly platonic emotions for him. But Seunghyun was also painfully aware of his own heart, how easy it would be to fall for someone like Youngbae for whom compassion was just another way of breathing.

Seunghyun had been burned up too many times. He’d been cruel last night, to himself most of all. He held onto the look of anger boiling in Youngbae’s eyes and seared it into his mind.

No falling for closet cases, he reminded himself. The mantra he tried, and had all-too-frequently failed, to live by.

This friendship that was growing between them, though, Seunghyun could never have anticipated. An easy camaraderie, quiet interdependence and solace. For so long he’d brushed off Youngbae but too many late night talks had revealed the deep inner life he’d always suspected existed.

Youngbae wasn’t like Jiyong or Seungri, content to take things at surface value and go with the flow. Youngbae was more like Daesung, like himself. Thinking his name brought a pang of longing for Daesung, it felt like ages since they’d talked.

Seunghyun turned to a piece that had spoken deeply to Youngbae. Youngbae hadn’t had to tell him that, the fact that he’d contemplated it a full ten minutes had spoken clear enough. The piece itself was evidence that Youngbae’s mind ran deep. Of late, he’d found that when his mind ran its strange, esoteric paths Youngbae, unlike most anyone else, was right there with him. Along for the ride without judgement or mockery.

Yes, it would be far too easy to fall in love. And doing that, he’d wind up breaking again.

Boundaries! he reiterated to himself. That line that meant friends but lacking desire. Not lovers, or partners.

Leaving the museum, the crisp air hit him. It wasn’t quite fall, but close enough.

As he walked, carefully face masked and hooded, he watched the shifting light filtering through the skeleton trees as the day shifted to twilight. Something Youngbae had said suddenly snapped into his mind.

Youngbae was playing his potential album through for the CEO today.

Seunghyun 5:54pm

Ayye Bae, how’d the meeting go.

He watched and the little greyed out bubble of Youngbae’s icon moved from above his text to below it. Seungri had informed him that that meant Youngbae had read the message. However, the three little dots that apparently meant he was responding failed to appear.

Seunghyun twisted his mouth. Youngbae always answered texts. Boy lived like he was attached to his phone. He also hated being rude. Youngbae never left anyone hanging, he wasn’t Seunghyun after all. No, that could only mean that whatever had happened hadn’t gone well - unless they hadn’t met after all.

Seunghyun dialed CEO Yang’s receptionist. “Hey, it’s Seunghyun, Choi Seunghyun. Is Youngbae there? I’m trying to get a hold of him.”

“Yes, Seunghyun-Sshi,” her voice replied, crisp and professional, “I’m sorry but Taeyang-Sshi has already left. I can page him to see if he’s still in the building.”

“No, no, don’t bother. Thank you.” Seunghyun tapped the corner of his phone on his chin. . The meeting had already happened and Youngbae was ignoring him. It hadn’t gone well. Seunghyun contemplated leaving Youngbae alone but the decided that didn’t fit his style at all.

Hailing a cab, he set out to the first chicken joint he could find, or rather, that the cab driver could find. Seunghyun was admittedly hopeless with his navigation.

Fury was a word that couldn’t come close to encapsulating the full magnitude of Youngbae’s feelings. Fury, shame, embarrassment, failure, despondence, there were so many words. Thanks to all Seunghyun’s hopeless lies, he’d actually gone into the meeting convinced it would go well.

“Yeah, this is good,” CEO Yang had said, obviously lying to spare Youngbae’s feelings. “I just don’t think the public is really going to want this image from you.”

“ the public,” is what Youngbae should have said, would have said if he were T.O.P. Instead, complacent, peace-maker Youngbae had just nodded with an “Oh, I see, yes, sure.”

CEO Yang had liked a couple of songs. Of course they were written by the usual suspects: Jiyong, Teddy. But everything he’d loved, all his songs listed on the carefully typed tracklist, every song that held the echos of Youngbae’s soul, had emerged from the meeting with a heavy red cross-out.

He didn’t bother to check the tears of frustration as he drove - recklessly - through the evening streets. There was no way it could have been worse. He downshifted and waited at a red light, wanting to smash through every single car ahead of him. His hands were shaking and he took a deep breath, checking himself. This is not who you are, he tried to tell himself. But if he gave a right then.

“What the ,” he snapped as he pulled into his garage. Someone was in his house and he was in no mood for people. He tried, desperately to calm down. He was bordering on irrational, no one who had the code to his house deserved his rage.

That thought evaporated as he crossed into his kitchen and saw who was portioning out chicken into heaping piles on his flatware. “Get the out, Seunghyun.”

The just looked at him, eyes placid and hands paused over a plate. “I’m so sorry, Youngbae.”

“I don’t want your sorry I want you out!” Youngbae snapped. Seunghyun kept plating, fighting to keep his movements smooth and eyes down. “You and your ing lies that it was worth it to try, that it might work. I went in there thinking I was hot . Why? Because Choi-ing-Seunghyun said so.”

“I’m sorry, Bae,” Seunghyun said to the chicken. He kept his voice soft and eyes away from Youngbae. Of all the things he needed right now, a fight wasn’t it.

“I went in and he listened to the whole damn thing. Felt them judge me. Look!” He threw the noted-up tracklist at Seunghyun. “Every one of my songs is off the album! I come back in a month and I’ve got ! All because I listened to you!”

“You listened to your heart,” Seunghyun corrected.

“ my heart. you.” He realized Seunghyun was still plating dinner. “ing stop that!”

“The CEO is wrong,” Seunghyun said.

“I don’t care if he’s wrong! My album is thanks to you and your lies and fake promises.”

Seunghyun’s fists tightened on the plasticware he was using to serve. They stood, anger thick between them but Seunghyun still didn’t meet Youngbae’s eyes. “Don’t you have a boyfriend to go home to or some ?” Youngbae asked. “Go to your ing friend and leave me alone. I don’t want you here.”

Slowly, with exquisite control, Seunghyun set the plastic ware down. He knew that Youngbae was just lashing out and he was an easy target. Still he couldn’t stop the hurt. Seunghyun stood and looked at Youngbae, eyes piercingly sad.

Seunghyun didn’t deserve this. Youngbae knew it. “Hyung-”

“No, it’s ok.” Seunghyun pulled off the apron. “I thought being here could be helpful. I thought I could be a friend.”

“No, it is, you are!” Youngbae felt like . He never lost it, never like he just had. “Hyung, stay.”

“No, it’s ok.”

“Please, hyung.” Youngbae moved to get the chicken, show some sort of appreciation. “Look, see, I’ll eat.” He lurched across the kitchen floor and managed to take hold of a bag of takeout on his way down.

“What the hell!?” Youngbae said to his ceiling.

“Yeah, um sorry, I spilled a soda coming in and didn’t get a chance to mop it up and-”

Youngbae looked down at his still-sneakered feet. He’d been so angry he hadn’t taken them off and the soles were so worn they’d slipped right on the tile. “Aw, man.” He looked down to see his favorite hoodie stained bright orange with chicken sauce and became aware of the cool wet sensation of soda seeping through the of his pants.

“Damn it, hyung,” Youngbae said. “Get over here and help me.”

Abashed, Seunghyun complied, only to find himself jerked down into the mess of chicken and soda and kimchi, apparently. “Ya, Dong Youngbae!”

Youngbae curled in on himself with hysterical laugher. Seunghyun’s had landed square in a pile of sauce, perfect Tom Ford pants probably ruined forever. Youngbae’s laugh was infectious, though. Seunghyun couldn’t help but join in as they laughed, covered in food, on the floor of Youngbae’s kitchen.

“Ya, you take this,” Youngbae said once they managed to get themselves up. Youngbae disappeared back to his bedroom and emerged with an oversized pair of pajamas. Well, oversized for Youngbae. “These were gonna be a birthday present from my mom but you can have them now.”

“Heyy, blue pinstripe, stylish,” Seunghyun said, taking the plastic wrapped bundle.

“Change in the spare room then put something on the TV,” Youngbae said.

“Bae, I really can leave.”

“No, no it’s ok.” Youngbae said. “Please be here when I get out. I’m gonna go shower.”

Seunghyun nodded then turned to cleaning up the living room, still in his ruined clothes.

“You promise,” Youngbae asked. “Your in that couch when I come out.”

“Aish, yeah, go shower!” Seunghyun tried to pile the chicken into a manageable mountain.

“Seunghyun,” Youngbae said, voice quiet. Seunghyun looked up. “I’m sorry, really.”

“You needed a punching bag,” Seunghyun said, looking back to his task. “I was happy to oblige. You’ve dealt with my enough now. Only fair to return the favor.”

When Youngbae returned he had a clean kitchen (by Seunghyun standards at least) and two plates of the remains of chicken dinner positioned on his coffee table. Seunghyun was gleefully dipping into one of the plates, sitting cross-legged on the floor and eyes on what looked to be a rerun of 2 Days & 1 Night.

“Ya, share,” Youngbae said, joining Seunghyun on the floor. Seunghyun shared and they were halfway through the episode before they spoke again.

“Your album is good,” Seunghyun said during a commercial break. “Really good.”

“I know you think so,” Youngbae said, words curt.

“, Bae, it’s good.” Seunghyun turned down the TV. “The CEO knows what he thinks he knows but he doesn’t know everything about music. Think, Bae. Think of all the songs of ours he didn’t want to release. He’s just a man, not a music god. He’s wrong. A lot of the time. So he doesn’t like the album. So he’s gonna throw it in the YG Jewelry Box and never let it see the light of day. It means nothing about how good it is. It just means he has an opinion and power.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“It’s true.” Seunghyun was emphatic. He needed Youngbae to know how good the album had been. He was too intimately familiar with how deeply artistic rejection stung, how powerfully it could stunt an artist.

“Why can’t I just be like you and tell him how it’s gonna be?”

“Cuz he isn’t scared of you. Also you haven't spent a decade cultivating the image of a stubborn .”

“True.” Youngbae pushed back from the food and reclined against his couch. “I still have to come back next month.” He scrubbed at his eyes. “The company was expecting a full album and now they’re going to only have a single.” It was going to have repercussions on the 4th quarter projections. Youngbae hated failing more people than just himself.

“Ya, want hyung to comeback too?” Seunghyun asked.

“What you mean?” Youngbae leaned forward to peck through the radish before settling on one and biting into it.

“I mean Doom Dada.” Seunghyun swiped the radish from Youngbae’s fingers and popped it in his mouth. Youngbae glared then Seunghyun’s words registered.

“Ya, it’s ready?”

Seunghyun shrugged. “I need to stop working on it or it’s gonna be overdone. I was just gonna shelve it until I have to put out an album, but I could do it next month with you.”

“You’d do that?” Youngbae was taken back. He plucked out another piece of radish. Seunghyun was absolutely fastidious about his music. Crazy man probably had the equivalent of three albums tucked away in his home studio, only a bare handful of which had ever seen the light of day.

“Yeah, if it will help.” Seunghyun stole Youngbae’s radish again.

“Ya, cut it!” Youngbae swatted at Seunghyun who smiled and chewed, opened mouth. “Ugh, you’re disgusting.”

“You think I’m cute, admit it.” Seunghyun mentally slapped himself. He was flirting and he needed to not.

“Yes,” Youngbae sighed, ever long suffering, “you are cute for an old man.”

“Ya, so when’s your date?” Seunghyun shifted to a better subject.

“Min Hyorin?” Youngbae asked and Seunghyun nodded. “Oh in a couple days.” Youngbae blushed.

“You really like her?”

“Yeah,” Youngbae admitted. “Plus - I’ve already kissed her so all that is out of the way.”

Seunghyun gaped at him but Youngbae seemed to gain a second wind for the chicken and grabbed another piece, taking his time nibbling. “Yo, Bae, you can’t just drop that then nothing! What the hell man!?”

Youngbae laughed and filled him in. The rage from earlier slipped away, soothed by Seunghyun’s presence.

Youngbae offered to let him stay the night but Seunghyun had the self-awareness to know better. Complaining that there’d better be no fan girls camped outside, he opted to walk the few blocks in the middle of the night, clad only in thin pajamas and an oversized jacket.