I know some people like this sort of discussion, some don't so feel free to read if they're your thing.

This story originally came to me the day Seunghyun posted Taeyang's photo on his instagram. If you see there, in the tags for a post just shortly before it is the very seed for this story.

Like most of my fics, it then went into a sort of 'story development' mode after that seed which basically consists of destroying my writer friends with plot points and impromptu . I put all that in a doc and then... it sat. I was stuck on the story for months, struggling to find its voice.

I spent a bit of time 'journaling' (thank you, Sam, for that tip) from each character's points of view. None of that ultimately made it into the fic but I found it useful in helping me find their voices. And when I wasn't sure where to go, I left it. I find if I'm stuck, moving on to something else helps let the ideas marinate in the back of my mind. It's there where a lot of the bumps and kinks work themselves out.

I at least knew from the outset where their emotional character arcs would end. In fact I have a form of Seunghyun's final rationalizations of the fate of any romance with Youngbae written and dated a year ago.

I also knew that it would be imperative that we, as the readers, have both their perspectives. As I typically write in a fairly tight 3rd person (think Martin's Game of Thrones), that wasn't going to work here as the structure would wind up being a handicap to the narrative's demands.

I opted, instead, to go for a truly omniscient 3rd person. As research I read a lot of Chekhov. Yes, I literally went out and bought a book of Chekhov's short stories and read them very consciously noting style. A Misfortune in particular was a huge influence. Yes, that is the kind of nerd I am.

The drawback of this pov is we do not get to see either character as intimately, the narration not comprised of their voice, but we do get to see them both fully in reference to each other.

As to Youngbae's uality. I, personally, see him here as heteroflexible. Under the right set of circumstances he could enjoy ual exploration with a man, but true long-term relationship success is going to be found in a heteroual relationship.

Maybe in another world, another time, it would be different but who he is here is not really someone that would find lasting fulfillment with another man, no matter how intimate, close or ually attractive.

Initially I'd intended this fic to be a double feature with the second half set in that 'another world, another time' but then... initially I'd intended it to only be 10k and well - you see where we are. I need to work on my powers of estimation.

Maybe I'll get around to the other fic someday but it took almost a year of marinating to get to where we are now.

Finally, I knew this fic needed to center on their friendship. I was very conscious of the fact that this fic subverts a powerful and almost foundational (in slash) trope: that of our two leads finding their happily ever after in a romantic relationship.

That has never been the way I see these two. However, I feel true, deep friendship is often an unexplored avenue, as powerful and fulfilling as any romantic relationship.

I wanted to take these two to the brink, and rather than the narrative or fate saying now these two must be together because they have chemistry and attraction, because they are emotionally connected and intimate, I wanted them to see that and make another choice. Not a lesser one, but an other one. Because I don't think a deep friendship is necessarily lesser to a romantic relationship. And that is what I really wanted to convey.

I wanted to convey the importance and power of choice, in the relationships we craft with those around us.

I hope I did well enough to leave you satisfied. And if not...uh... sorry?