[Jiyong's POV]

I had fallen sick on the first day of school. How perfect can that be? Thus, I was forced to go to the doctor's to get an MC, as evidence that I did not skip school on purpose. After that I went to get a sandwich for lunch.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door to my house, only to be welcomed home with dead silence. Again. Whenever is it going to be different? When will I have a normal mother who will rush out from the kitchen, and welcome me home warmly, stretching her arms out for a hug? Most probably never. I wish my mother was those types of mums who love their sons a lot. Those who care about their son's wellbeing and all. But I guess that wish is a bit too far-fetched, since my mum likes to torture me.

My father was transferred to work overseas after divorcing with my mother. She had become too unstable, going out to drink and gamble daily. And I had to stay with my mum because I have not other place to live in. Most of the times though, she's not around, and I'm thankful for that. When she comes back home, she stays for a few hours to scream at me, hit me, saying that I'm a worthless junk.

I remember my father. He was so kind. He cared for me like no one else. He loved me. I remember the small things he gave me. He used to bring me out to the shopping mall when I was young, and we'd go to the games shop and look at all the new games available there. He would then crouch down to my eye level and say, "Jiyong, you are a good boy. Next time, Pa will buy you a game boy, okay?"  When I was fifteen, he brought me to the game shop again. This time, he rested his hand on his shoulder, his eyes twinkling, but a little sad. "Jiyong, I love you. You must be a good boy okay? Remember that I'll always be there for you." I thought it was rather weird. Won't we always be together as a family?

The next day, I overheard my father telling my mother that he wanted a divorce. I was shocked. I ran to them and begged my father, telling him not to go. He looked at me sadly and patted my arm, saying, "I'm sorry Jiyong, but I can't take it anymore. Your mother has...changed. I can longer try to put up with her. But I still love you very much. Look for me if you need help. Goodbye, my son." With that, he walked out of the door, only turning around to look at me once, and left home. Forever.

Once he left the house, my mother looked at me with hatred and disgust. "It must be YOU, YOU'RE the one who made your father leave us. Its all your fault!" She slapped me, then stormed out of the house.

At night, when she came home, she was drunk. Again. But this time, she had a knife with her. She came forward, brandishing the knife as I tried to look for a safe place to hide. However, before I could do so, she took a great step forward and swung her knife to me, left, then right. Only when I looked down a few minutes later did I realize I had two long cuts across  my arm. She seethed with anger, and slapped me. Once. Twice. Again. And again. All the while, screeching and screaming at me, "You. I hate you! Why did I ever give birth to a son like you?! Why? WHY! WHY!!!" 

Finally, my feet started to move, and I ran to my room and locked the door. I looked down at my wounds, and realized that it didn't hurt as much! In fact, it was rather... Peaceful. A bit painful, but kind of like a relief from internal pain. The next day, I tried to call my father, intending to beg him to take me away. However, I found out that he had been transferred to work overseas. Far, far away. He didn't even had time to tell me or say goodbye, as the decision was so sudden.

When I went home, I was so disappointed, and filled with dread that my mother would be home. Fortunately, she wasn't. Then, I saw the knife she was holding yesterday. I held it tightly and pressed it against my skin lightly, testing it. When it didn't hurt that much, I slit my skin. It stang a bit, but it was fine. Thats how it all started. Why I cut myself.

I'm alone. All alone. Everyone has left me.. They've changed and moved on. I'm left behind. I no longer have friends. They look at me with pity, and that disgusts me. What is there about me to be pitied about? I.Am.Normal.

Its just another school day. People turn around and give me that sickening look, like I'm such a poor thing, like I'm going to die of cancer in a few months or something. Whatever, I thought as I slammed my bedroom door behind me.

Then I heard my mum. Her voice echoed in my head, " You stupid, worthless, waste of space! Why don't you just leave me alone? Go away! I don't need you!" My head pounded, and soon, I had a major headache. "You've changed Jiyong. What happened?" That was Chaerin. "Jiyong-ie! Hello? Lets play games!" Now that, was the psychotic girl next door. Why am I hearing voices in my head?

Sinking to the floor, leaning against the wall, I cover my head with my hands and sigh deeply. I moved my hands, to remove that stiffling long-sleeved sweater that I where everyday, revealing the many scars that adorned my arms. Some were long, some were short. Some were recent, still healing and a little pink. Some were a few months old, and turned into a permanent scar. my scars, I remember the pain I felt when I slit myself for the first time. It was quite painful, but still bearable. To me at least. Some cowards might not be able to handle it, I snorted, at least I'm not like them.

My mind feeling somewhat hazy, I lay down on the floor. In doing so, my eye catched a glimpse of silver. I stretched out my arm, and retrieved a silver  kinfe. Tilting it this way and that, he watched mesmerized as the metal blade caught the light, shining brightly.

I placed the tip of my knife at the newest scar I had and pressed it down, puncturing my skin. I stifled a cry of pain, sure that the pain would slowly fade. Little by little, when the pain was bearable again, I pressed the blade down and traced the scar, opening the wound, making it fresh again. Blood oozed out slowly, dripping, and dripping, and dripping.

I was angry, mad, crazy maybe, but I didn't care. At least it gives me a relief from all this nonsense in school... and home... As I closed my eyes, I remebered an incident that happened in school last year...

~Flashback~

"Hey! Yo, man, where're you going? Want to hang out after school?" Seungri called after me just as I was about to go home. I ignored him, and continued walking on quickly towards the school gate. That is, until Seungri decided to stop me by jumping too close in front of me and I didn't stop in time and hit him by accident. We both fell to the ground, Seungri below me, while I lay on top. Without a word, I had stood up, dusted my pants and walked off.

This time, I was stopped by Chaerin, who had rushed forward when she saw her boyfriend (Seungri) fall to the ground. After helping him up, making sure he was okay, she ran to the front and stopped me, and said, "Whats your problem Kwon Jiyong?!?!?! At least help one of your bestfriends up if he falls down! Don't leave him there! What if he has a head concussion or something? Huh? Are you going to be responsible? Huh?" With each sentence,she pushed me back once, twice.

Finally I said, "Well, he's fine isn't he? He wasn't alone. You helped him up. Isn't he fine? If he's fine, then don't bother me afterwards. DON'T BOTHER ME. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Chaerin frowned and bit her lip, trying not to cry.  "Jiyong, you've... you've changed you know... how can you say that? Were you really not worried about Seungri? You weren't like this before... Jiyong-ah, we're all really worried about you... Please come back..."

Without a word, I brushed her off and walked away. Did you hear what she said? She said that I've changed. Why does everyone say that? Ugh... Worried? Hah, more like pity. Poor Jiyong, he doesn't have a proper home., its more like. How have I changed? I'm the same. I'm ME. they've changed... No one understands me.

~Flashback Ends~

I muttered bitterly to myelf, "I'm alone yeah? Other than that psychotic girl next door who keeps bugging me... I'm alone" Raising the knife, I carved the words 'Always Alone' under my arm. I then rested my arm on a nearby chair, letting the blood drip to the floor at its own pace. My arm began to numb with pain.

Letting go of my knife, I heard it clatter to the floor, and leaned my head to the wall behind me and relaxed my mind, letting it focus on the pain. Closing my eyes, I slowly exhaled, the room so quiet I could hear the blood dripping to the floor. I was so tired that I fell asleep unconsciously.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw a puddle of blood inches away from where I was sitting. My mind rather dizzy and cloudy with the amount of blood loss. Sure looks like a lot of blood... Can you assume someone died? Can you? How does it feel like to die? Is it nice? Hmm... I smile slightly, my eyes blank, and found my knife again.

My hand trembled a little, so I gripped the knife with two of my hands to steady the knife. I lifted the knife to my neck, pressing it in lightly, drawing some blood. It stinged a little, as my neck was rather sensitive. Just a little bit more... I pressed the blade a little deeper, more lightly...

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I love pandas :D Well,all kinds of warm fluffy animals.