She was anxious. She was apprehensive. Since the day she saw her, she couldn't think straight. She lingers in her mind every second, every minute, every hour, every day. The longer she waits, the more anxious she gets.

"Omma?", the child looks at her innocently as she stares blankly once again.

"Yes, baby?", she coos the child as she focuses her attention back to the her.

"I'm hungry", the child complains as she pouts cutely.

She smiled because in times like this where her mind is all over the place, this child, her child teaches her how to focus. She feels guilty though for every single time she thinks about Seulgi, she often neglects her child.

She went to the kitchen as she fixes something for her child to eat. She settles for the easiest, kimchi fried rice.

She watches her child as she eats clumsily. For a 4 yr-old kid, she sure is smart.

She watches her child fall asleep. She looks so serene and peaceful. She was the sole reason she survived the past 5 years without Seulgi. For when she lost Seulgi, she almost lost the will to live. Its funny. Cause she clearly remembered that it was her who left not the other way around. It was her fault and she knew it. But she always feel like it was Seulgi who left her. It was Seulgi who easily gave up without even putting up a fight. It was Seulgi who accepted every single thing she accused her without even giving a proper explanation. Or it was really her. Because she was stubborn. Because she never listened. Because she didn't give her a chance even though she begged. Because it was her guilt eating her up that's why she's putting all the blame on Seulgi.

She opened the drawer at her bedside table as she looks for something. She picks up a photo. It was old. It was tattered just like her aching heart. She touches the frame as if she touches the person at the photo. It was her photo with Seulgi. Seulgi was grinning widely as she places a kiss at her cheek. It was perfect. They used to be the perfect couple everyone envied. She chuckles bitterly as tears started to blur her vision. It was pathetic. She was pathetic.

---
I held my head low as we walked in the hallway hand in hand. It was embarassing and elating at the same time. I wasn't embarassed about the girl beside me holding my hand. I was embarassed about myself. I never thought she would get to hold the girl's hand in front of the public's eye. I always thought Seulgi was out of my league. She was talented. She was beyond talented not to mention popular. I can't think of anything that Seulgi can't do. She can sing, dance, act and even paint.

"There's no way in hell Seulgi unnie is dating her. Seulgi unnie is too perfect for her"

"Stop talking nonsense. They are nothing but friends."

"And if they are, poor Seulgi unnie. She deserves so much more than that girl"

"She's pretty though"

"Pffft. Pretty? The only pretty girl here is Seulgi unnie. Oh wait, pretty isn't enough to describe her. She's a goddess. There's no way a goddess would date someone like her"

Those are just words I often hear at the hallway, at the the school grounds, at the canteen, and even at the comfort room. Everybody thinks I don't deserve her. I thought so. Seulgi is too perfect for me.

But despite the rumors and negative feedback, Seulgi remained calm and comforting. She drowns all those words said by those people.

"Never listen to them. They know nothing about you. But I do. That's why I fell inlove with you in the first place", she would often say.

But words are just words. Her action was what matters. She always make me feel loved every second of everyday. She would always choose me over anything. That's how faithful and dedicated Seulgi is.

What went wrong? It was me. It was my fault. It was my insecurity. It was my fear of losing her. She was popular. Everyone would die to be in my place. The flirtings didn't stop even when we started dating. Those girls and guys just don't know when to stop. And despite all those reassurance she gave me, I still messed up. I trust her but I don't trust those people around her. And maybe I'm stupid cause no matter how much effort she exerted, it was all useless. I still messed everything up.

---
She chuckled bitterly as she remembered how pathetic she was. Had she only trusted her a bit more. Had she only listened. They wouldn't end up like this. They wouldn't end up breaking each others heart.

She regrets it. She was a fool. It was a surge of emotion. But it was not just the surge of emotion that tore them apart. It was her cowardness. She was afraid of rejection. She was afraid to know that it was too late, that the girl had moved on. That someone else' has her love and attention. Cause it would definitely kill her. In the end, she was still selfish.

Her phone suddenly rings snapping her back to reality. She immediately answered the phone when she saw the caller ID.

"Noona, I found her", the person on the other line.

She took a deep breath as if it would help ease the anxiousness she's feeling.

"This friday at 1pm. I would send you the address. You have to come noona", the man said.

---

Author's note:

I don't know if this is enough but I hope you would like it. I was busy for that's why I couldn't update more often. Comment down your feedbacks. I would like to read all of them. Thanks