Shinhye

Gwangju to Seoul…

After spending a wonderful and meaningful weekend with her grandmother in Seoul, Shinhye had to focus back on the last 2 weeks until her graduation and packing her belongings. Through a regular customer who acted as uncle to her, she was able to get a good price on delivery rates. So far, everything for Seoul was going as planned.

One important and very clear task she had her mind on was in progress. Ever since seeing that small building for lease, she realized she would like to open a yoga studio. The building was situated in a very busy and convenient place in Itaewon. She had confidence opening a yoga studio would be successful. There were many students and younger people living around the area.

“Shin-ah? More boxes have been delivered. They’re downstairs in front.” Youngae saw a very concentrated Shinhye on her laptop. “Muohae?”

Shinhye removed her glasses. “Oh, just last minute preparations. Jeoki,…halmeoni?”

“Ne?” Youngae leisurely sat at the foot of her granddaughter’s bed. “You can ask me anything. Spit it out.”

Shinhye nervously chuckled but turned serious. “Halmeoni, what do you honestly think about me opening a yoga studio? I saw a place up for lease and it got me thinking-“

“Ah, so it was that building you stopped in front of?”

“Ah, ne.” Shinhye nervously chuckled. “Eottae?”

“I think you should put your business degree to use and do it.” Youngae placed her hand on her granddaughter’s. “I know you are a smart person and will be a smart and successful businesswoman. Is the lease reasonable?”

“Gomawo halmeoni. Ne, it is reasonable. Sasileun, I contacted the realtor already. He’s willing to meet with me when I move to Seoul.”

“Aigoo, my sweet aga is already taking on responsibilities.”

“Ne halmeoni. With this yoga studio, it won’t just be about the financial but the peace of mind my future students will experience. I want to help younger people handle negative situations. Yoga helped me relieve most of them for me.”

“Jal haesseo!” Youngae gave her granddaughter big thumbs up with wide eye smile. “I better let you continue your planning. Geundae. Graduation is around the corner. I was thinking maybe we should go see your parents.”

Shinhye grew solemn but she wanted to very much visit their memorial. “Ne halmeoni. I wanted to visit. You know, before graduation and before I leave for Seoul.”

“Whenever you’re ready to visit them. I’ll be standing by you. Your parents are very happy in heaven and the decisions you are making for yourself.”

“Ara. Gomawo halmeoni.”

Youngae softly brushed her granddaughter’s hand. She stood to leave and gave one quick glance at her granddaughter before finally leaving.

♦

Shinhye held her grandmother’s hand tighter as they made their way into the northern wing of their parent’s memorial. It had been so long since she came to visit and leave flowers. She couldn’t handle the heartache but with her grandmother beside her, she gained courage to visit.

“Adeul, myeoneuli, Shinhye and I are here… Aigoo, we miss you both.” Youngae choked up a bit but Shinhye squeezed her hand a little tighter. “Geogjeong ma. We are both doing fine. Adeul, Shinhye is growing very well. She takes after you in how determined and passionate you were with everything. Myeoneuli, you raised a beautiful daughter. She will be a very successful businesswoman. Just wait and see. And guide her and protect her with whatever she plans to do. Do that for me when I can’t.”

Shinhye felt a couple tears fall on her cheeks as she listened to her grandmother and thinking about her parents. She quickly wiped her eyes, blinking away the rest of her tears. She saw her grandmother watch her and give her a sad smile.

“Gwenchaenha aga. Speak to them. They hear everything you have to say to them. Gwenchaenha.”

Shinhye cleared and gulped hard. “Eo-eomma, A-appa,… … I miss you… M-mianhe for taking long to visit… … I missed you both so much and… I couldn’t accept your passing. Ha-hajiman, I knew all along you were always with me… I have to accept it now that… you’re both… gone. I won’t ever forget you both… Now, I’ve realized how many things I want do for me… Please continue to watch over me… I will make you both proud as well as halmeoni. Saranghae eomma, appa.”

Shinhye cried for a moment after saying what she needed to say. In an odd yet miraculous way, she didn’t feel guilty compared to when she first walked into the memorial. She concluded that her parents accepted her moving on and that they would always be watching over her.

“Ja, aga. Gwenchaenha.” Youngae softly patted Shinhye’s back.

“Ara halmeoni.” Shinhye composed herself and smiled. “I feel a weight has been lifted off me. I know my parents are proud of me. And I won’t disappoint them. I finally realize that now.”

“Geureom.” Youngae smiled. “How about we head back and I make you your favorite seafood stew?”

“Ne halmeoni. Joha!”

Youngae and Shinhye shared a relieving and joyous smile as they took one last glance at her parent’s memorial. Everything now will change for the better.

♦

It’s been a week since Shinhye graduated with her B.A. in business. It was the best day of her life after her parent’s passing. The day was perfect and she celebrated it with only her grandmother. She was the only person she needed.

She stood in her empty room, glimpsing once more at the end of one chapter of her life and beginning a new one. One she will be in control of all on her own. She reminisced the heartache of her parent’s passing, the unconditional loving support of her grandmother, and the slow progress to her happiness again. Now she can start fresh.

“This is it Shinhye.” She whispered to herself while exhaling deeply. “The start of a new chapter. It’s your time to make the people you love proud and believe you can do this. Let’s do this.”

Shinhye walked back towards her room door and turned back around. She smiled to herself, feeling a couple tears escape her eyes. Then, she closed her door and walked out to meet her grandmother who was directing the delivery man on packing her stuff. She saw all her boxed belongings loaded on the small truck bed. Everything hit her deeply that she was finally moving. Seeing her grandmother giving commands hit her. She wasn’t bringing her grandmother with her to Seoul. Youngae turned her attention to her petrified granddaughter. She gave her granddaughter her most humble and everything-will-be-fine smile.

“Do you have everything? I don’t want you to leave something behind just so it will give you an excuse to come back. I want you to settle in Seoul.”

Shinhye loved that her grandmother didn’t show sadness nor beat around the bush with her words and feelings. She chuckled. “Halmeoni! Even if I didn’t leave anything behind, I would still come back just to visit.”

“Yah, no need to spend money on bus or train tickets. They’re expensive.”

“Halmeoni, gwenchaenha. Every money spent coming home to Gwangju is worth it.”

Youngae smiled. Soon, silence was shared between them. Neither of them wanting to say goodbye first nor making the first move. But Youngae moved first and immediately hugged her granddaughter. She softly caressed the back of her granddaughter’s head, smoothing out her long brown hair.

“Aigoo… aga.” Youngae choked back her tears, feeling a huge lump in before swallowing it down. “You’ll do great and humble things in Seoul. I know it in my heart. You’ll experience hardships at first but you will overcome them. Just breathe and think with positivity. Yoga is in your heart and mi