Shinhye

Gwangju …

“Appa! Eomma! Jebal. Don’t leave me……..jebal.”

All Shinhye could do was speak through her mind and watch on as she saw her parents trapped in their family sedan. She stood frozen on the pavement feeling helpless. She tried to move her feet to run to her parents but couldn’t find the will to move her stiff muscles. She saw her weak mother search for her. Only then did their eyes meet but all her mother did was smile to her. She saw her mother’s mouth move as if she wanted to say something.

Shinhye could faintly hear the first syllable. “Sa...”

Her mother didn’t finish her last word as her body became lifeless. At that moment, Shinhye was overcome with painful tears as she saw her mother’s lifeless form in the distance. Before she could finally come out of her own petrified state, darkness crept over her world as the scene of the drunk driver colliding with her parents’ car replayed.

Ring… ring… ring…

Her morning alarm rang. Shinhye instantly woke and sat up in her bed as she gasped for air. She looked around her dimly lit room, realizing it was a nightmare she had to dream about yet again. She reached her nightstand and drank her full glass of water. She brought her knees to her chest and held her head as she thought about her nightmare.

It had been two years since her parents sudden and underserving death to drunk driving. Since then, every early morning just before her alarm, she always unconsciously dreamt the same nightmare. The day her parents passed they were heading back from the airport as they had attended a conference in Busan. Shinhye waited up all night for their return but two policemen came to her house and broke the tragic news to her.

She cried her hardest that day as she couldn’t accept that she didn’t have parents anymore. Her heart broke into a million pieces that day. She was in mourning for the longest time, a full year and a half. But even though she never seen the wreck happen nor the damages done, she always dreamt about how it had happened and the state of her parents. It always haunted her.

Shinhye wiped her wet eyes with the sleeves of her pajama shirt and removed her bed comforter from her sweaty body. She rose out of bed and walked to her closet to retrieve her yoga mat. After laying it down on the floor, she tried to bring her stressed body to peace as she brought her hands together and over her head.

Inhaling… exhaling… inhaling… exhaling…

She brought her body to a lotus position, sitting with her legs crossed over each and arms resting on her knees, as she closed her eyes and meditated. This was her signature pose to help her bring peace to her depressed mind. This was her morning routine before she started her day. Nothing could touch her when she focused on her yoga and she could forget about all her emotions.

Youngae made her way down the skinny hallway to her granddaughter’s room. It was 15 minutes past her granddaughter’s usual time to eat breakfast and get ready for work. She quietly turned the door knob and slightly opened the door to see Shinhye in her meditative state on her yoga mat. When she sees Shinhye in lotus position first thing in the morning, she knows her granddaughter dreamt the same nightmare about her parents.

Youngae felt pity yet heartache for her granddaughter to lose both her parents so suddenly. When her son and her daughter-in-law passed, she wanted Shinhye to move in with her because she didn’t want Shinhye to live a lonely and depressed life alone. She was relieved Shinhye didn’t refuse. Youngae wiped her wet eyes and silently closed her granddaughter’s room door. She made her way back to the kitchen, thinking she needs to add more tofu to the morning’s breakfast.

♦

“Morning halmeoni. Jeoseonghaeyo for being late for breakfast. I’ll hurry next time.”

“Aniya. Gwenchaenha.” Youngae cleared , feeling a lump build up in . “Same nightmare again? I went up to your room and saw you were doing your yoga.”

Shinhye sighed but moved her lips in a slight smile, one not reaching her eyes. “Ne. Geogjeong ma halmeoni. Yoga helps me to find peace and not begin my day with a bad omen.”

“I’m not worried at all. I know you are a strong woman and can overcome anything. But I want you to know that we are getting through this loss together. Nae adeul and nae myeoneuli would want us to forget the bad and live on with the good. It may not be easy but we are doing it. Arassda?”

“Ne halmeoni. Gomawyo.” Shinhye kept her grandmother’s words in her heart as she spooned a chunk of tofu in that her grandmother set in front of her.

“Aigoo aga. Saranghae.” Youngae caressed the back of her granddaughter’s head and patted her shoulders.

Shinhye felt touched and loved by her grandmother’s simply gestures and words of encouragement every time she has this same nightmare haunt her dreams. She wouldn’t be anywhere without her grandmother and didn’t want to think about it.

“Breakfast was masissneun. Gomawyo halmeoni.” Shinhye wiped clean after finishing breakfast. She hugged her grandmother tight.

“Aigoo, my sweet aga.”

Shinhye cutely chuckled. “I’ll be heading out now halmeoni. I have my last senior paper to write so I need to get to the library in 20 minutes.”

“Arasseo. Be careful and fighting!”

“Ne halmeoni!” She ran to the front door but slightly turned back. “I’ll be helping out at the restaurant after school. See you later halmeoni!”

Youngae smiled and returned a wave back to her rushing granddaughter. “Ne! Be careful!”

♦

Shinhye rode her bike straight from the university to her grandmother’s restaurant. Her grandmother’s restaurant was one block away from their home. So, it was a healthy and safe walk between estates. It had been exactly a year since Shinhye began helping her grandmother out at the restaurant. During the early months of her mourning time, she was in severe depression and didn’t have the motivation to do anything. She delayed school by a semester but has since then made up her credits by attending summer school.

Shinhye quickly locked her bike out front and walked into the restaurant. “Halmeoni, wasseo!”

“Ah, geurae!” Youngae was busy serving the next guest and pointed to the kitchen. “I need more rice here.”

“Ne halmeoni.” Shinhye bowed to her grandmother and the guests. “Annyeonghaeseyo.”

“She’s my lovely sonnyeo. She will be graduating in a month.” Youngae proudly bragged about her granddaughter to the guests.

Shinhye rolled her eyes and smiled as she overheard her grandmother and the guests engage in conversation as she served rice in the silver rice bowl. She was just about to bring the rice bowls out to the guests when she heard her grandmother mention something about Seoul and her. Shinhye was left in wonderment about what she would be doing in Seoul.

“You have the rice?” Youngae noticed a clueless Shinhye and waved her down. “Shin-ah? Gwaenchanha?”

“Ne halmeoni. I thought I left my papers in the library printer. But it’s in my bag. Joeseonghaeyo.” She lied, actually thinking about what was said.

Throughout the rest of the work evening, Shinhye tried hinting to her grandmother about what was said earlier. But her grandmother didn’t catch